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Ugh! Please help!
May 19, 2004
5:08 pm
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acj
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He sends me this email today... We IMed briefly then I finally just said bye...

"Well I gave it an entire shift to think about.... and I came up with my final answer to this dilemma somehow that has sprung up.... Just be friends after all that went on with us. After all that we talked about and all that I got put in motion to get up here and you drop this on me. All I can do is say thanks. I feel like now I regret opening up to you.. I regret everything I did. I really trusted you and had a lot of love involved with you and (your daughter). Go out with other people huh? it never crossed my mind.. But I guess it crossed yours. Maybe that's what this is all about. I talked to my closest friends today, seems they think the same too. Because I never got so close to someone and then had this crap happen. Well there will be hard feelings because I am really crushed. I am crushed to the point where I am not going to talk about this anymore and avoid it. I cant take this, its not fair to me. One minute you make love to me, then the next you wonder weird stuff that is the furthest from the truth.

I wont bother you ever again there (acj), tell (your daughter) I said bye and she is a good girl. Please just throw my keys in the garbage, no need to box my stuff up for me, I wont be coming to get it. I don't need to be on that side of town. I am hurt beyond belief. And to do it during the time I have been upset. Par for the course. Good luck on your home, moving and school. I still wish the best for you. But I have to go now. No need to reply to this.. no need to IM me... I am going to leave you be... But to let you know one thing how much I cared about you.. I did go out and buy you a nice ring I was planning to give you for us when it was 6 months of being together.. guess I am a fool for that now huh?

Maybe see ya at the hockey game one night...
Be safe (acj)...."

Please tell me that I did the right thing but his guilt trip is really working...

acj

May 19, 2004
5:12 pm
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Anonymous
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WHy did you break up with him? I thought that you just wanted to take things slow not end them? So what happened?

May 19, 2004
6:18 pm
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CAMER
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wow ACJ, i can see why you may feel guilty, I would too, but thats all part of my codependency. Only you can truely know deep down what you feel for this man, and if you think its best to just stop comm. with this man, then so be it, do not feel bad, you tried in the past and things did not work out, so why would they work out in the future, this is your life and only you can keep yourself happy, not him. I do hope all goes well for you.

May 19, 2004
7:21 pm
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Zinnie
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Oh honey...

Just let this one go.

Z.

May 19, 2004
7:44 pm
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rio
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Wow acj... that boy sure knows how to lay a guilt trip. Recognize it for what it is. I agree with the above poster who said only YOU know how you feel for him. If you take some time to examine your feelings, you will know if this is right.

May 19, 2004
7:52 pm
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gingerleigh
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*barf* This one is not worth your time.

May 19, 2004
7:55 pm
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natty
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Oh NO! What a horrible test for you ACJ. In all honesty, I am in a place where I would run back to a guy after that, but that would be wrong wrong wrong. My heart goes out to you. All I can say is, hold on to why you broke it off in the first place, and if you know you did the right thing, do as he asked and don't even reply. As Zinnie said, let this one go. Hugs to you.

May 20, 2004
8:56 am
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acj
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Thanks guys...

I didn't want to really break things off.. I sent him an email saying that I just wanted to be friends because I had so much going on in my life and I didn't think it was fair to leave him hanging on until I had time for him... He took it and RAN!

Every time there is an issue, he wants to leave and then he comes back in a day or two... He throws out these guilt trips but I can't tell if he's really pushing me away or really wants to pull me closer.

I never asked him for anything...EVER. So, the ring doesn't impress me. If he can't treat me with respect all the time then why would I take a ring.

I'm just hurting but I know that he's not good for me. I just feel like he hit me with a baseball bat. I think he was just seeing me as a woman that had it all together and that he could move in with and then marry and get half my house that I've worked so hard for... What plans was he talking about and when was he gonna let me know about them??

I'm tired of his emotional roller coasters. I'm tired of being pushed and pulled. And I'm tired of him not knowing how to communicate... I was always straight up and honest with him. He would talk to me in riddles.. I just want someone to love me like Zinnie's husband loves her... 😀

Thank you again for your words of encouragement...

I know I did the right thing, but it still hurts... He doesn't play fair.

acj

May 20, 2004
9:31 am
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Zinnie
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HI ACJ,

I agree with what you are saying about "what plans, and um... when was he going to let you know about them?"

Roller coasters are great rides at amusement parks, but you know, who really wants to live their life on one? I know I don't.

The statement about the ring bothers me, I don't know why it does, but it does. My husband gives me jewelry, actually often as gifts. But, it has become something that he enjoys doing. I like unusual pieces and he seems to have taken delight in finding them for me and giving them to me as gifts. Occasionally, he will come home with something for me for no reason except that he "saw and thought you would really enjoy it, never seen anything like that before." The gift is given freely, not with the stipulation of if I stay or behave or act as he wants me to. Does that make sense? He gives me the gift of beautiful things as easily as he does a silly stuffed "Stitch" that he came across. Yes, I'm obsessed with Stitch - I just love that little blue guy!

But, anyway - I don't know, it just seems like he is not looking at the reason WHY you feel the way you do, I guess my question here is did you in fact tell him why you felt this way? Exactly? That you felt he was not giving you the attention you wanted and was being vague about things. Also, the fact that he has not told anyone he is seeing you. Like I said, not that he should disclose his love life to his parents, but a simple mention of "hey, I'm dating someone" would be nice.

Z.

May 20, 2004
9:45 am
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acj
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Hey Zinnie--

Yes, I've told him how I felt about everything but he always got defensive and turned it around that I didn't trust him or he can't believe I felt that way or something... He turned it around it to be about him.

Well, I think he saw me as a possession that he could go to whenever he needed something, emotional support, physical intimacy. I was always the rock... But whenever I needed something, he was unavailable. I think he thought he could just take me over...

I'm glad it is over. I know it was a bad relationship that easily could have moved over to a co-dependent thing. But I fought it every time. Yeah!!!! I made it through and said I had enough... Wow.. I'm so proud of myself now!

Well, I think that email was to pull me back into his clutches. But it didn't work. And I'll never contact him again. He'll probably call me the next time he gets depressed and he realizes how he messed up a good thing... Oh well. No more chances for the unworthy.. 🙂

acj

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