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U R UNIQUE! SELF-ESTEEM MATTERS!!!
April 3, 2005
10:51 am
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Rasputin
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Hi Everyone,

Did you know that self-esteem is a global problem! If you are struggling with it, do not feel ashamed. You are not alone. For this reason I am posting this article, hoping it will inspire you and teach you to LOVE YOURSELF, by going to the source of love, our loving God.

Love & prayers,

Rasputin

Reject the pitfall of believing lies about yourself

The ultimate lie we believe when accepting lies about ourselves is "I don't have what it takes and there is no way I can get it." It's fine to recognize where we are weak or lacking, but we must do it before the Lord, acknowledging that He supplies all we need.
We fall into this deception by judging our worth according to the world's standards rather than God's. The world's system of competition and comparison is destructive and brings feelings of inadequacy as it pits one person's God-given gifts and potential against that of another. God says are all unique and valuable. The pitfall is in trying to live up to what we think we should be and not be what the Lord says we are.

Negative reinforcement from parents or those close to us makes it more difficult to recognize negative thoughts about ourselves as lies. We've heard them too long to doubt their accurancy.

"You 're worthless! You're nothing! You're stupid! You're stupid! You're a failure! You're never going to amount to anything!" were words my mother used to say to me over and over again. They were reinforced by her lack of affection and inability to nurture. Because we lived in a ranch miles from anyone, I didn't have the positive reinforcement of friends or relatives, which could have lessened the impact of my mother's neglect. Every day I heard the same words, and I grew up believing those lies. This negative programming clorored all my actions and decisions.

Since I believed I was nobody, I became desperate to prove I was somebody. I grabbed for things instead of letting them happen; I demanded approval; I had to be noticed. Starved for love, I became involved in one destructive relationship after another. Yet no amount of love, approval, or recognition ever filled the endless void of my being because I believed those lies about myself. The ultimate lie I believed was that the only way out for me was suicide.

Respecting God's Handiwork

Webster's New World Dictionary defines self-esteem as "belief in oneself and self respect." Low self-esteem, which is a lack of those two qualities, is the habit of accepting lies about oneself. When low self-esteem or lack of self-worth takes control of the personality it can be paralyzing. We're afraid to do anything because we might fail, so every action seems monumental.

We all want to be somebody. The truth is, God created each one of us to be somebody and no life is an accident or unwanted in His eyes. He has given us each a distinct purpose or calling. It is not humility to deny the Lord's extraordinary qualities in us, it's low self-esteem.
High self-esteem means seeing yourself as God made you, recognizing that you are a unique person in whom He has placed specific gifts, talents, and purpose unlike anyone else. Memorize this - cut it out, paste it on your hand, and say it aloud fifty times a day. Do whatever it takes to help you remember it. This is the absolute truth about you whether you can see it or not and whether or not anyone else recognizes it: "Each one has his won gift from God" (1Corinthians 7:7).

You have to be able to see that without money, without a job, without your talent, without having your hair done or make-up on, without being thin, without nice clothes, house, car, or family, you are worth something. When you allow God to show you what He thinks of you and let sink in and penetrate every fiber of your being, whenever is added or taken away doesn't make or break you.

I have learned to value myself as God values me by deliberately thanking Him for any positive things I see. "Thank You, Lord, that I am alive, that I can walk, that I can talk that I can see, that I can prepare a meal, that I can write letters, that I am neat, that I love my children, that I know Jesus. Thank You God that You have made me to be a person of worth and purpose." As we praise God for specific things, we are inviting His presence to bring transformation. It's the best medicine I know for believing lies about yourself.

That may seem like a difficult concept to understand, but actually it is very simple. You are choosing to thank God in the midst of the negative in faith that He will not leave you there for long. You are saying, "Thank You, God that this negative thing I see in myself has positive aspect that You are working in me." For example, like most people who have been scarred by verbal abuse in early childhood, I have been highly oversensitive to other people's comments. This is a negative trait. Someone who is easily hurt puts others in uncomfortable position of having to walk on eggshells or be responsible for hurting them. By praising God in the midst of my oversensitivity, I have allowed Him to transform that negative quality into a positive one - that of being sensitive to other people instead of myself.

If you've been told "You're hopeless. You can't make it. You don't have it!" by a parent, brother, sister, friend, or stranger, take a long look at those words and recognize who is behind them. Say to the devil, "Satan, I no longer will listen to lies about myself. I am not a cosmic accident as you would have me to believe. I have worth. I have purpose. I have gifts and talents. God says that about me and I will not contradict my heavenly Father. I rebuke you lies and I refuse to hear them."

The Bible says, "A house divided against itself will fall" (Luke 11:17 NIV). This means that a person who has turned against himself won't make it. A large amount of your emotional pain may be caused by believing untrue things about yourself. Many times God was the only one who believed in me, but that was enough. I know now that because I believe in Him and He believes in me, I can make it. So can you!!!

What the Bible says about believing lies about ourselves:

- He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love. (Ephesians 1:4)
- Before I was born the Lord called me; from my birth He has made mention of my name. (Isaiah 49:1 NIV)
- The very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than may sparrows. (Luke 12:7)
- God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear Him and do what is right. (Acts 10:34-35 NIV)
- But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. (1Peter 2:9)

April 3, 2005
11:01 am
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Desert Moon
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Thank you Rasputin for the wonderful article. It was what I needed. I have so much to be thankful for that I forget because I let so much of the stuf that doesn't matter get in way.
This helps put me back on track.

April 3, 2005
11:40 am
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angel4U
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Wow! This is wonderful Rasputin! Thank you. (((Rasputin)))

April 3, 2005
11:51 am
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exoticflower
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Exactly what I needed right now, thank you so much. twice today I have found or been directed to a sense of lightness--or at least desire to feel such--that I've not even thought in the dirrection of in god knows how long on this sight.

April 3, 2005
1:16 pm
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CODA_Mom
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Rasputin,

Thank you so much, "cyber-sister" :), this is a great topic to mention here.

There are many who post on this site with esteem problems...they are hurting deeply and no wonder, they have been told that they're stupid, that they were unwanted, they were ignored and/or abused.

I can relate to what you went thru with your mom, sounds so familiar. By the grace of God, I have been able to forgive my parents and have worked thru much of my pain from the past.

Words do have the power to destroy ("life and death is in the power of the tongue"), but we can also use words to build up and encourage.

You have definitely encouraged me today.

Blessings & hugs,
CM

April 3, 2005
2:54 pm
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Rasputin
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Coda-Mom,

This is not a personal article. It is the book I used several years ago when I went through my "Healing Process."

I love my parents so much. I would NEVER criticize my parents. They are one of the most precious people on earth, at least to me! But the author's autobiography is similar to mine. We were both raised by emotionally unavailable mother.

Yes, likewise through God's grace I have forgiven so many people in my life. Starting from family memebrs, parents, siblings, relatives, to strangers, co-workers....etc.

It seems that we are all in the same boat. Either abusers or abused. Life is soooo funny. By reading the posts of others and noticing their problems. I have been even further healed from my own hurts.

You are an admirable lady! I like your input. It is always a pleasure to have a wise and Christian Counselor. I loved and treasured so much your advice about my sister's conflict on the other thread. I felt that God had spoken to me through you!

((((HUGS))))

April 4, 2005
1:59 am
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chickyfighter
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Thanks Rasputin, I receive this. I can also see myslef in this author's struggles, though not gory they have impacted me so...Many hugs to all!

April 4, 2005
8:33 am
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raissa
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thanks for sharing rasputin!!!

I also share with a lot a people it seems this issues about my mother.
I mean how can anyone love me if my own mother believes I am an idiot?

April 4, 2005
8:38 am
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angel4U
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raissa - the answer is simpler than we can see and accept sometimes ... who you are and the right to be loved should never be defined by someone else, not even your mom. Throw out that negative self-talk, and tell yourself that you do deserve to be loved for the smart, wonderful human being you really are!! After a while of this it will sink in. Promise!

April 4, 2005
8:44 am
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chickyfighter
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How long does that take to sink in exactly?

April 4, 2005
9:09 am
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angel4U
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I think that's up to each of us. What helps me is to accept that everyone is going to have an opinion (even strangers), but that doesn't mean I have to believe it. It also helps to keep reminding myself of positive things about me.

Mt family used to call me stupid, but I chose not to believe it and ended up putting myself through college, landed a good job, and have my own home.

My family used to ignore my opinions, and treat me as if I was a nobody to them ... leaving me to feel I was not important. I chose not to believe it anymore and have learned to build some great friendships and working relationships with people that value my opinions.

My family pegged me as crazy (little did they know that it was them that were driving me there ... %-) ... and I chose not to believe it. And to be honest, I think my life is much saner than any one of there's is ... and funny thing is, they seem to come to me to lean on or get advise from. Imagine that?!?!

It really is all about what you allow to get into your mind, and how fast you push it right back out when it's not good for you. Easier said then done, I know.

April 4, 2005
9:39 am
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angel4U
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Just thought of something else that made me laugh ... my sister used to call me frugal because when we went shopping, I would watch what I would spend my money on and didn't just throw it away on things I knew I really didn't need. At the time she was married and most of her money came from her husband. They would blow thousands of $'s in Vegas or to just have fun, but didn't have much otherwise. I, on the otherhand, had always struggled to take care of myself, was saving to buy a home (and eventually did). I tried to explain to her that my situation was very different than hers, as were my goals at the time. (I was actually a little jealous sometimes that I couldn't do all the fun things they did, but I knew it was my choice because of the other things I wanted for myself.) Fast forward a couple of years - she would complain all the time about how she didn't have "all these nice things" that I had (btw - it was all her husband's fault according to her). fast forward a couple of more years - She eventually got a divorce, bought her own home, and now has become "careful" about what she spends her money on. (chuckle!) This is a good example to me of how if I would have listened to her negative words, I would have stopped being careful about how I spent my money and may have never reached my goals.

April 8, 2005
5:39 pm
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RosyGirl
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This is a great article, everybody should read this one again if not already!

September 25, 2005
1:42 pm
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Rasputin
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Hi Alwayshoping,

I am bumping this thread for you.

Enjoy reading it!

~Hugs, Ras~

September 25, 2005
1:51 pm
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Rasputin
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Just go to the top of this page and click on either #1 (View first post) or # 2 (View all posts).

September 25, 2005
2:01 pm
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sewunique
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Thanks, Ras. I just shared this with bonita!

And for myself!

September 25, 2005
4:06 pm
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exoticflower
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Thanks, Ras, having an esteem crisis myself right now, could use this! ((((thankyou!))))

October 9, 2005
10:29 am
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Rasputin
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Hi Firsttime and the rest,

I am bumping this up to you and all the rest of you on the other thread, Self-esteem."

Have a blessed day!~Ras~

October 9, 2005
11:54 am
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human drama
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I enjoyed that - Thank You.

Don't know how you "bumped it up"
but it was cool to click for the option.
HD

January 12, 2006
1:17 pm
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Rasputin
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(((Hopefulforchange)))

I am bumping this thread up for you. This is the thread I told you about in your thread "Self-esteem."

Just click on the heperlink "View all posts" if you don't see the 1st post.

Enjoy reading!

January 12, 2006
10:29 pm
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hopeful for change
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That was a truly wonderful article. I loved it. All of it is so true I am speachless. I do think I need to print it and paste it to quite a few places. I know being thankful can defeintly make positive changes as well.

If I told you my life story, you probably wouldn't believe it..I've had alot of people that told me I should write a book, and i would like to but I don't have the middle or the ending what Iwould like it to be ha ha.

My point is my whole childhood, being abused abandoned running away living on the streets, I could have been dead a million times,or an addict or a prostitute or so many things. I truly had god watching over me, for some reasons he has always been there and helped me through it all. Never giving up. His love is the one and only true love. I guess I have not been thinking about so many things like that lately. When you focus so much on the wrong you forget the good.

I look at the world differently like so many other codependents probably do to. I have had a lot of friends complain about having little money as a child etc and I tell them, YOU HAD WHAT WAS IMPORTANT A FAMILYBY YOUR SIDE THAT LOVED YOU!!! It's not fair for me to judge them and how easy their life is either.

I read in a book one time that a guy was laying in the hospital with a broken leg and the guy next to him had his amputated, he said he felt real bad for this guy and knew how lucky he was, but it didn't make his pain any less. I may be rambling.

The point is judging ourselves and others.

Thanks again

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