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May 20, 2004
3:02 am
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Hi Again,
its been a while since I posted. As a last attempt I called her and left some messages indicating lets be friends. I saw her at work a few days later and she told me stop being pushy and never contact her again.

I saw my counselor the next day, who told me stop it. How many times does she need to make it clear she don't want to know or talk to you, she's called the police, told people at work I stole from her, was threatening etc, it was never true, every time I contacted her she said I don't want to talk to you 'yet'. I wrote a while back telling her I tought I am codependant and explained what i was doing about it and apologised for any of my wrong doings, she has still not said one word to me about what happened between us except to tell me everything was my fault.

Anyhow, finally decided to Detox after being told never speak to her again, at least that was a clear message, and I could respect that if I didn't like it.

So at the end of week one, I had a phonecall from her. She left three messages telling me she realy wanted to discuss some things with me. I took some advice and prepared myself. I called her back. Well she phoned to tell me what a great Teacher I was, hows your dad, mum, sister, how was my getting healthy program going. I got off the phone really confused. I don't think that was why she really rang me, I don't know why she did. I guess I was hoping she wanted say somethings about what had happened like..
I should never had judged you as I did,
I should never have been so nasty to you,
I'm sorry that I hurt you so much.
But being a great teacher well that was unexpected.
I got home the next day to another message telling me her computer was broke, she explained the symptons and then ended the message by saying actually it fixed itself at the start of this message so sorry I called. Did my head in.

I haven't heard from her since. I haven't contacted her for two weeks now, and I am feeling stronger, I still long for her although I am not sure why. I still want to to speak to her sometimes but know it would just be going in circles. I am just stressed out if she calls stressed out if she doesn't.

I've also just made a new female friend, maybe something good will come of that but not right now, I don't think I could handle being that close to someone again for a while until my heart heals here. I guess its still very early days. I am trying to fight this really hard but it is getting me down no question, I keep dreaming about her, I keep wanting to know answers to questions I have even though I know there isn't any. I fell in love with someone who didn't feel the same way and used it against me, and used me. It would never work out, it was going nowhere, I don't even know what it is that I miss.

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Do I speak to her if she calls again to ask what she is doing? Do I hide behind my message machine until she stops contacting me? Do I write to her and politely say leave me alone? I always thought we were friends in our relationship, but she never really treated me well in or out of the relationship, I feel like she is still trying to control me.

Yesterday at work in a meeting she was looking around the room for me, when she spotted me she looked flustered.

Arrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhh.

This is so hard.

Help!

John

May 20, 2004
3:24 am
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gingerleigh
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You don't need these mind games that she is playing with you. You have power in this situation, and it is time for you to claim it. Choose to let the communication die. She told you that she doesn't want contact, but she is inconsistent and then contacts you out of the blue.

Let technology do the screening for you. If you don't have children together, there is nothing that she absolutely needs to talk to you about. Take back your power and choose not to respond.

It's hard, I know it is. But you can do this. And each time you turn away, you will grow stronger and healthier.

May 20, 2004
3:57 am
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Thanks gingerleigh,

I feel like the whole thing was mindgames, that is exactly it. Your right there is no point responding, it would only lead to more self infilicted suffering, and I don't want that no matter how hard it is. I am also enquiring about changing jobs, I do not need the added stress. I didn't want to leave this job because I felt like I would be running away, from her. But then what is the point of making myself unhappy just to prove something to her. I really want to put the whole thing behind me!

John

May 20, 2004
10:28 am
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Zinnie
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She told you she never wanted to talk to you, hear from you or know you ever. She called the police on you, which I'm sure if she had filed a report and pressed charges, could damage your career.

You decided to stay away.

Then... she calls you?

She is a lunatic! Leave her alone. Call block her number, or if you do not have that option, just let the machine pick up her calls, and DO NOT CALL HER BACK!

I know you don't think this now, as you say you are still dreaming of her, but she is doing you a great favor. Life with her would be nothing but heartache from all the mind games she likes to play.

Good luck,

Zinnie

May 20, 2004
12:38 pm
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So what do you think about changing jobs? It is better to stay away from her and not contact her, i don't really even want to see her. It is crazy.

Thankyou

May 20, 2004
1:35 pm
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Zinnie
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If you can do so easily, absolutely! The change will more than likely do you some good, and I know every time I have changed jobs... it has come with more money.

Good luck,

Z.

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