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Two controlling forces in relationship.
January 29, 2008
12:13 pm
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virgowithheart
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September 30, 2010
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I have been in a 7 year relationship with a man and we seem to have some to an impasse, more me than him. He is wealthy (money-wise)and I truly believe I am have become so co-dependent that I am feeling crazy. I have felt crazy during the entire 7 years, but when I tried to leave him, twice, I then felt that I was unable to live without him? What is this? I did have a very dysfunctional upbringing, didn't have any drug or alcohol problems. I was the good child. Very depended upon, always doing the right thing. So if I did or thought anything wrong, then I felt everyone looked at me like "what's wrong with you?" The man I am in this relationship with is 10 years older than I, an only child, and I have finally figured out that we are both trying to control our situations, from love to money and everything in between. I have finally recognized that the actions and things I have contributed to our relationship needs to be addressed. I would like to find more about who I am and why I do the things I do and say the things I say. I usually try to help everyone and have a hard time saying no. I'm always willing to step in and "fix" things, including my boyfriend. I am finding that I have to do something now or go crazy. I am very blessed with many talents, yet feel that I have to live "his" life in order to be happy. I want to live "my" life, with or without him, and learn to be happy. I want to learn about boundaries and how to approach them in a manner that is healthy. I definitely believe that my boyfriend has many issues, but am finding out that he needs to deal with them, not me. I would like to know that there is help for me to successfully understand whether or not the boundaries he sets for himself are acceptable to me. HELP!

January 29, 2008
1:26 pm
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CAMER
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you can both set boundaries, and both of you may not like the others boundaries, but again, boundaries are set for the person who wants to gain control of their own life.

Why not set boundaries for yourself, and if you are not happy with the relationship and feel like you will crumble if you let go, why not just wean yourself from him.

Then get a look at your wants and needs, and not feel like you are walking on eggshells.

You are starting with doing the right thing by setting boundaries for yourself, do that and see what happens.

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