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twilightray needs advice on potsmoker bf
January 24, 2007
8:19 pm
Forum Posts: 79
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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Hi all,

I took the liberty of creating a new thread for twilightray. Here is the post, please comment if you can:

hello, i sure hope i am in the right place. i am new to all of this . i am liveing with a man who smokes alot of pot. well he calls it casual. he use to drink real bad and noe he is on to this. when he runs out he is a very mean person and very hard to be around. i am getting to old to live like this and i feel real bad that it seems the only time he is ok with me is whe he is high. what should i do and where can i go for help. could some one please advise me.

January 25, 2007
4:09 am
New Member
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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I've been in a relationship just like that. He smoked ALL day long and couldn't do anything...I mean anything without having his pot. And then when it ran out, holy cow he was a different person all together. I got tired of it and kicked him out.

If you have any means of moving on and get to the point that you're tired of it, you need to do what's best for you. He's not going to quit. It sucks but it's the truth (99% of the time...he could be that 1%!)

I wish you well and hope you can figure out what you need to do for you.

January 25, 2007
4:54 am
New Member
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
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I copied this from a post about 6 months or so ago. It comes across a bit harsh so please don't take anything personal. I tried to edit it down some but if I left anything in hateful I want you to know this comes from my life; this is what I lived; this is the facts according to what I went thru.

My hubby smoked since he was 12 and he's now 42. First off, he lied about his drug use to me before we were married. But in the last 14 years I have learned that addicts (specially dope smokers) will lie, coverup, deceive, be defensive, nasty, and rip your heart out if they think you are onto them.

He has told me it's not as bad as alcohol. (it is illegal). Yes, I do agree the effects are not as bad, but yes just as bad in some aspects. And they are proving that more and more wrecks the folks had marijuana in their system. Now... JUST AS BAD!!

It should be legalized.... I'm sure it will be soon. But for now it is still illegal. I think alcohol should be illegal too but that doesn't get me what I want.

You should accept him for who he is.... Did you know he was a pothead? I was lied to. My hubby told me he had no problems w/ any drugs and hadn't for a long time. He thought coz that's how he wanted it to be that it was ok. I think that's call false justification. Took him 12 years to apologize to me. But he still has the what I call "stupid mentality" and I don't see that changing.

That it is "his" medicine or his stress. Yep, heard that one, had it shoved in my face repeatedly. His medication almost cost us our marriage. His medication caused him to not work and to not help out and to not give a damn about anyone but himself. He even started getting high at home. that's when I left him. We went thru marriage counseling. It helped for awhile. Till he decided he was gonna do what he wanted to do and I could stuff it.

He tries to argue that I am a drug addict. I am on 14 perscriptions for illnesses I have (mostly due to stress). He argues coz I take oxycontin and vicodin that i am an addict. WRONG... I don't abuse my meds. I take as few as I possibly can. But then he's just an old pothead trying to justify his means.

I have learned thru my son's rehab journey that 1 in 10 is all that will make it off drugs and stay off them. That most of those that do go thru rehab can hold their own for up to a year, but still you have the 1 in 10 numbers.

My hubby admitted to me that smokin pot made him forget his problems. But that when he came down they were still there and then there were others coz you have to get high more and more to keep the numbing effect. It costs money, it costs relationships, and it can cost your job, your home, everything you own. I have lived w/ it and I have seen it.

I'm sorry if I am coming across as hateful. I truly do not mean to. It is quite the sore subject w/ me. Oh, and now that he doesn't smoke pot in the last 3 years... he now drinks beer. I throw my hands up and scream GO FIGURE THAT ONE OUT!!

14 years bein the "straight" spouse of a pothead does make you angry. It makes you angry, resentful, hurt, untrusting, etc. etc. Have I wanted him to change.... yes. I've quite possibly even been a bit of a nag. But what dog backed into a corner is not gonna come out biting?

Mostly I want to tell you this.... YOU cannot change him. Only he can do that and he has to want to do that for it to work. The only thing you can do is decide whether you want to live like that or not. Your decision that only you can make.

They call them functioning addicts now. Is that the same as a functionally disfunctional family?

I'm glad you are here. Do feel free to post and to browse. All threads are open to everyone.

January 25, 2007
9:32 am
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
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i was with a pot smoker b4 for 5 years and of those 5 years he smoked the stuff "daily", didn't think anything was wrong, or think he had an addiction.....of course me, didn't touch pot, hated the stuff, and i guess i built up so much resentment of trying to change him, and having such low self esteem that I felt that I needed to be with him or my life would crumble....Well, i broke up with him, couldn't handle it anymore.

Basically, you have to decide if you like what he is doing, smoking pot, accept it or if you don't accept it, move on with your life. I know this sounds harsh, but sounds like he has an addiction he doens't want to quit.

You do have choice, & you are not alone... (((camer)))

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