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((Tumbleweed)) Our Thread...Depression
August 14, 2006
11:50 pm
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Hi, I was in bed but got caught by your thread title (depression is what Im dealing with). If I were you Id put your emotional well being, as well as physical, above all. Do talk to the people at college but if need be, consider putting college on hold for some time. Whats happening between you and your mom is very bad and will have a lifetime effect on you. Shes an important figure in your life. And yet you have to protect yourself from her and from the bad rapport you two have. I guess sometimes moms will simply look at their kid and plain not be able to relate to it in a healthy way. Go figure! Older is not more mature. But you do have a good rapport with your nanny! You should be able to live with her and make some money for food, right? Specially for a temporary time. I dont know your whole story. It seems like your dad is absent in your life. So having nanny seems your best shot. Have faith. Things will change for the better for you cuz your trying to get out of a bad situation. Keep well!

August 15, 2006
10:47 am
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hi
thank you
Depression...is kinda hitting me hard...:(

well yesterday my mom came round and we actually talked aboutt higns...as i went bk to my nans. And my mom was kinda mad fro me running away. We talked and stuff...some helped and i understood her point of view to..as she said she was an emotonal wreck inside...we didnt talk about my councelling n depression;as i didnt tell her..but i felt and urge that it would have been better if i did. we kinda talked about living arrangements..and im going to live with my nan..my mom is going to give her some money for me for food n etc..and well i hugged my mom and cried. I think when i go bk to college..i am going to see counceller and just be honest n open...as thats what ive learnt is to be honest and just say how you feel..as one day u have to anyway...and life is hard but dealing with it is harder.

Some of my m8s have been there for me..so im happy aboutt that... my life is going to change..and for the better...hopefully i can have a beter realtionship with my mother.

she also knws i have a bf...as she read my txts...to find out if any1 knew where i was b4..and well she said i can come to her and talk about anything. I have my phone back too :D...but she told me to give a tenner aweek to my nan..so that i have money for uni and in the near future for what i choose to do.

I spoke to my nan about my results day..as it is comign up soon..and she said if ive failed badly i may aswell get a full time job as m,oeny could be a help...but i think m going to stick with education as i have career plans ahead

mumubaby89

August 15, 2006
8:03 pm
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MumuB, I'm happy you had an opportunity to talk with your mother and that things can work out for you to stay where you've been staying and continue with your education. If you can finish with your education, that will probably pay off in the long run since you have career goals for yourself. I know that once I started working right after graduating from high school, I didn't pursue the goals I had at the time to be a social worker which was one of them. Once you start working full time, you do get tired and taking courses in the evenings or on the weekends takes a lot for a person to stay with. I did it later on, but only a few courses so I didn't really get finished with my college courses. I was lacking 2 courses to even finish a freshman year. Even now I'd like to be able to say I at least finished the 1st year of college by going evenings and weekends. I still think of it often. I'm happy to hear you will continue with talking with the counselor there. Sometimes we just have to go with what is available at the time and I'm sure you're on the right track about just being honest about everything. I know it can make some things more difficult, but it is always better to be honest with yourself about everything. Take care of you, okay. Hugs. 🙂

August 17, 2006
1:35 pm
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i hate everything

my bf broke up with me...as if i knew that would not happen...everyone either breaks up with me or well it goes wrong.

i got my results today ...and well yeah i passed got CDD which is okiews..and my fmaily is ahppy with it..still i knw i could have got better and well my future is in tatters...

August 17, 2006
3:12 pm
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MumuB, I think it will get better when you go back to univ. Probably having the time off has been hard for you as you had your schedule there and your work and all. I hope you will keep taking care of you no matter what else is going on. If the bf broke up with you, then possibly he wasn't right, anyway or wouldn't be understanding and I think you need someone who will understand and treat you well. That is the only way to go and if they can't do that it is time to move on until you find someone who can treat you well. I have experienced much the same thing in my life where the other people are always the ones to quit being in touch with me whether they're lady friends or whomever, doesn't matter. I have decided that their friendship was not really a friendship then to begin with so I don't let it bother me anymore. And I usually find out I was better off without them even if I have to go places alone. Take care, okay. Sending more Hugs to you.

August 18, 2006
6:21 am
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hi
yeah i suppose...everytime i find happieness or any sign of postive way....something happens... someone will either crush me ...emotionally or well ..or summat else will happen

My Grades...going to re-sit afew of them ...hopefully get more help and tutoring if the offer is up..which should be really. Everyone is happy with my results apart from me.

I have thing at the minute with peotry...i like reading it and well writing it when i can..sometime my work doesnt make sense...but i get the just of things..as some are personal and for me only really if you get me.

I might say to my mam look im going to councelleing..but im not sure...as in away i want her to know im getting help and to let her know something has been bothering me...but maybe i wont as it will be for the best .... i can cope with it i think...

write bk x

August 18, 2006
10:08 am
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MumuB, I think it is good that you are writing poetry. It sounds like a good way to get some of your personal thoughts and feelings out. Maybe you will know the right time to say something to your mother. If she will feel more relieved knowing you are getting the help, then it is probably a good idea to say something, but you know better than I would. I'm quite sure they would still have to keep what you tell them confidential. When do you start your classes again? I think they will go easier for you this time because you are probably doing better with how you're feeling personally. You will be able to put more attention on the classes, I think. You had so much to think about before and your concern about your mother finding out things and trying to hide scars etc. Hopefully, you are not in that place you were in before with all of that and that will free your mind up more. I remember when I took the college classes I had a lot on my mind, too, and the professors always said, Be here now. Maybe you have heard that one about when you're in class be there and not thinking of other concerns etc. We had to do a lot of the work on our own, going to the library a lot etc. so we had to really pay attention during class time to not miss anything. I know a couple of times my assignments were not complete and that is so important to turn things in all completed whether or not you think you did your best. I'm glad everyone is pleased with your grades though and I'm sure you did the best you could with everything else going on in your life. I think you did well with having classes and work and all. I'm going to wish you the best again, thats for sure. 🙂

August 28, 2006
5:50 am
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Hi =D

This year at college i have decided i am just going to study very hard so that i can have a good future for myself. Instead of worrying about others i am just going to worry about me at the minute.
I am not sure to carry on with college as i have seen this course i am intested in; my nan has helped me and she said i should keep going to college while i apply and then i can decided more clearly as well as get advice from my college.

My mam and them, have not really seen them actually that much but its my mams birthday soon and i want to get her something speacial. i was going to book a trip for her but shes pregant and we dont know exactually when shes expecting so... ill think of something else.Have you got any?? I am sick of buying choclate,necklaces,flowers and the usual boring gifts...
I am going to go shopping today and have a look about and see if anything stands out.

I was working the toehr day and i got assualted by a group of youths;one throwing a chair at my shoulder. My work didnt do much nor put it in the acciedent book.Later on some of the staff were constantly having ago at me so i got sent home due to being upset. I am working later this week and i am going to speak to the mangaer this time as she doesnt have a clue whats happening due to the fact shes never their. I have mapped out what to say in my head but its a matter of actually sayin it...as i keep chickening out.

Write bk mumubaby89

August 28, 2006
9:18 am
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I'm sorry to hear about what happened at work, MumuB. I hope you get a chance to tell the manager about it. Hope all goes well for you at college, too. I wouldn't know what to suggest for a birthday gift so hopefully, you will see something which seems just right. Other than the usual things you mentioned it is hard to know what your mother really likes or needs. Sometimes a nice bath set, maybe, something to make her feel special. I hope you were not hurt badly from that attack at work. Not the right supervision there for sure, sounds like. I'm glad your Nan is helping you and I hope you can continue with your college classes. I know it is important for you to take care of yourself and hopefully have a secure future where you can support yourself and be independent. You are right in putting yourself and your goals first. That is just how it needs to be right now. When you are secure later on, then maybe you can think of others, but still put yourself first always. Never lose or give away more than you can afford to because you will still be responsible for yourself. Others come and go, know what I mean. I'm just speaking from my experience now that I wish I had put myself first a long time ago. Now, I have to anyway so in the long run it really pays off to do that. I hope this has been helpful to you and hope you will let me know how everything is going, okay. Always wishing you the best, MumuB. Hugs and a smile. 🙂

August 30, 2006
1:33 pm
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I LOVE to write. I like to read. I feel strongly about literacy. I need to forge my own path into the career. I need to disregard what others say and do what I want to do. I believe that it is better regretting than never knowing what it was like. I need to make my own mistakes in order to learn from them. Dreams can become reality if i am willing to take the step forward.

Ihave made a HUGGEE decision...as wen i go back to college i ma going to see the councller once a week,study everynight and then see my mates on a weekend...as that will help alter my grades and stuff...and i dont really care what people want to call me...swat or whatever as its my life lol

I told my manager some of it...and well shes going to deal with it..and speak to afew people

hows your life?

mumubaby89 x

August 30, 2006
4:35 pm
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MumuB, I'm so happy to hear from you and it sounds like you have everything right on track now. I always hear the saying about Just put one foot in front of the other. Well, that seems to be the way to do it to just keep moving forward no matter what else anyone says or thinks. It is your life and you can make it a wonderful life for yourself and never have to depend on anyone or take abuse from anyone to survive. Once you are independent and doing what you enjoy doing in life, then you may meet someone who is interested in the same things as you are and that will just be a plus for you. I think it is so important to be with people with like interests as then you don't always have to try to fit in somewhere else. You can just be yourself and that is a wonderful feeling. If you continue with your reading and writing, there are probably literary groups you can be involved in, but you would know better than I what is available to you even now where you can be with others who are interested in the same things as you are. Maybe you like live plays and things like that. I enjoyed going to them at the college or theatrical places. Many times that ties in with an interest in writing as you may know. As for me, I'm very excited because I'm going to take a course in astro-psychology. I should be getting the materials to get started sometime this week and I can hardly wait. I think I finally know who I want to be when I grow up. Lol. See, how fortunate you are to already know who you are and who you plan to be in this life. I had vague interests, but did not really pursue them. Now, I'm ready to delve into this and succeed this time. I hope your mother has a nice birthday and that you were able to find her something you knew she would like and most of all I hope things start going better for her, too. As always, wishing you the best, always. Hugs.

September 5, 2006
12:08 pm
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MumuB, How are you doing lately? Have you started back to univ. yet? Thinking of you. 🙂

September 6, 2006
12:10 pm
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Hi
sorry i been really busy =(
i stayed at my mams for the weekend to clean my old room as everyone was changing rooms..and now they have a room for the baby...as i am no longer their... i got my stuff..some of it. I have a bedroom their with my sister ..for when i come over.
I hated staying their because argumnents... etc etc

no i go back to college tomorrow and well i am in away lookign forward to it but in away i am not. My timetable will have changed; dread to think who will be in my class.

I have just got a job interview for another job and hopefulyl i will get it as i am fed up with the job i have a the minute.

I went out with this lad for over a year and recently started talking to him again..as we are good mates. And well he said he still likes me and i just keep thinkign of him..i do not know why and i wish i could go back time so i was with him now. He said tho he has lot of things going on his life and i do too... so i am helping him loads and suggested my college counceller- as he goes to my college. Will this bring us even closer?

My life is Ok i suppose... some mates are not going bk to my college =( and i am realy upset about that.
Plus that lad i went on about before who i was really close to and went oput with ...the one who helped me with my counclleing n that well he has just got a new gf =( and never hardly talks to me... jelous i think i am

mumubaby89 xx

September 6, 2006
12:31 pm
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hi mumu

i think it's amazing that you can just pour your heart out like this...about your jealousies and insecurities and everything that everyone on the planet actually feels but doesn't have the courage to voice.

I am guessing your age from your name, and i have a son a year younger than you. I know he can confide in me about most things - but you don't want your mum to know everything because you are your own person. Good parents respect that.

But darling, just keep baring your soul...it's a kind of therapy...and know there are lots of people - your contemporaries or people like me who have children of our own - that are here to help you at all times - even if it's just to lend an ear. Trust me, anyone who says they haven't f~~~~d up some time in their life is a liar.

Love wazz

September 6, 2006
2:43 pm
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MumuB, I'm hoping once you get back to your college schedule again that things will fall in place for you with school and counseling etc. I think it is always upsetting at the beginning with anything especially when things have changed and you might be changing jobs, too. I hope you will put yourself and your education first because this will pay off for your future. You know how it is with guys. They come and go, but you need to be there for yourself no matter what, okay. You will meet someone better in the future at some point. If these others go, it is probably for the best, I would think so you can keep focused on what you want to do for yourself and your future. Don't you think? I'm sorry you had a rough weekend back at home. I know it is a lot of adjustment for you even with the home situation, but I do think you are a strong person given all that you have already gone through. And we're here in your corner as you see. Hugs.

September 6, 2006
6:48 pm
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i am really upset =(
today has just made me whole life worse. i have decided to expres how i feel in person too now..as yes i need to deal with what is happening..=(

My fmaily..well they are all in their own little world...and i think i am really depressed. i can take it. My fmaily doesnt love me so how can a lad possibly feel anything for me.

I feel a waste of space

mumubaby89

September 6, 2006
7:03 pm
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Oh, MumuB, please realize that just because of how others are acting doesn't mean they don't love you. Remember your Mam went looking for you and all so she did care, but has so much going on in her own life. As do you, too, I know. I think you are amazing for all you do with such little support from anyone. I feel so strongly that nothing is your fault or because of you. Like I said before you are only trying to grow up and be independent and there is nothing wrong in it. You are entitled to have a good bf who will treat you well, but it is just not time yet apparantly. Please don't put this on yourself as you have enough to deal with already. I know you can't see us on here, but please know that we do care. Remember before many people were posting to you and I'm sure they still care. And you know I care and always wish you the very best because I feel you deserve the very best and nothing less and I just want you to believe that so you will be okay and not take any abuse from anyone ever. I don't like to exactly tell you what to do because I know that isn't right, but I certainly want you to know I'm here, okay. Love and Hugs to You.

September 7, 2006
8:03 pm
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MumuB, I hope you're doing okay. Just wanted to stop by quickly to let you know I'm still checking in if you want to post about anything, okay. You know it is so hard not to take things personally, but we must learn to do that because others act out of their own stuff and not always to hurt us. I'm still working on this myself. I keep saying, Don't take anything personally. Keep reminding myself a few times if I have to. Love and Hugs.

September 9, 2006
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I am growing up..and at my age should be young and happy....and IM not=( i think ithe only way properly i will get through this is if i face the fact and say look i am depressed. I need support and well havnt got it..only the counceller when i go back to college but i feel like she is a waste of time too and that she doesnt believe me....i have no idea why i am feeling like this

Got work today and i feel ill... i got a job interview for another place its a call centre ..i hope i get the job =D more pay,better people and a easier job.

I am going to stick in loads at college this year..might be hard with other things on my mind etc...what am i doing?:S

mumubaby89
i think you are a great friend..might sound silly but you are the only one who actually understands and helps me. I have just beenbusy with work so i was not on the internet last night

September 9, 2006
5:24 am
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MumuB,
Take it from me, in the younger range around here (mid20's)... these are NOT the best years of your life, and having that pressure on you will only make you feel worse.

I'd get so frustrated in high shcool and college when people would act like I was supposed to be having the time of my life. I wasn't. I was too busy in high school dealing with depression from dysfunctional family. College was better but was more a time of de-toxing from that and feeling like "why am i not happier?" I've realized it's really a process, even now I am still uncovering things that contribute to my depression, trying to figure things out. I've seen a million counslors, with each one things get a little bit better, I figure a little more out... to the point where now I basically have a good grip on things, I have down days but...
Every year keeps getting better and better!

So don't sweat not being as "happy" as you should!

September 9, 2006
11:30 am
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Ty, MumuB. Well, I am concerned about you, thats for sure and I hope you get this other job which will be easier and more pay for you. I'm sure that will help. And I like what Jeanne had to say in the post above. Those are not easy years even if things at home would be going good. You still have all decisions to make about your future and other peers to deal with etc. Then when you have the added burden of a dysfunctional family, it makes it all harder. That is why I feel that you must put yourself first and your goals at this time in your life. It is so important to just take care of you and the things you need to do for yourself. If you can lesson any of the school courses, it would probably be good, too being that you will have this new job probably. I mean maybe if you can just take the required ones or however that works there. It might not be a good idea to take on too much extra though because it will be better in the long run to succeed at what you're doing than trying to cram in more and not doing as well maybe. What do you think? I don't know how many classes you have now. I hope you give yourself credit for all you're doing. I know it would be nice to be able to enjoy yourself more at least sometimes, but I think that will come later on once you get through all this. I would just keep looking at the goal for now as I think that will help you get through this time in your life. I'll keep checking in, okay. I'm not on here long, but I check in everyday. Hugs and 🙂

September 9, 2006
3:40 pm
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Thank you
Everyone has their ups and downs... and well some people suffer from depression...i just happen to be one of them.

I take life as it comes..and it keeps getting harder. I have a trouble communicating and i feel this is one of my problems ...as the counbcller i tend not to open up. I have recieved my timetable and im at college 12 hrs aweek... as before i was their much more. have the same tutor;which is knda of good as he helped me abit last yr..advising me to go to the counceller and stuffs.Even tho he is sick of me always being upset... well thats the impression i get so i tend not to speak much in tutor.

Education well i mean university deadlines are in afew months and i am not sure what i want to do...i have had my eye on a uni coursee but i wont get in... u have to get Bs in all subjects and i am D/C at the moment... =(

mumubaby89

September 9, 2006
5:18 pm
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MumuB, After you bring your grades up this year, then can you take the courses you're interested in? You had so much going on last year, but now that you feel a little more ready to open up to the counselor, I'm thinking things will go better for you this year. Don't you think? Just a little at a time, you know like we discussed before and writing down how you're feeling etc. She probably still wants you to write things down for her, doesn't she? I guess you could have some things written down for your first session with her, couldn't you. Possibly dealing with this last adjustment you're making having moved your things out of your room at home etc. What do you think? I just thought of that since that seems to be a recent adjustment for you and any adjustment affects us. Moving, new jobs, loss of a relationship, loss of income, all those things. I just listened to a relaxation tape as I still couldn't seem to settle down enough to start studying, but I find relaxation tapes help me a lot. Sometimes I fall asleep listening to one of them. Later, okay. 🙂

September 9, 2006
6:48 pm
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i know
I have had loads... this hols since i stopped seeing the counceller as we broke up from college...i have moved out properly,got my results back...had a hard time at work, not sleeping much, ranaway and spent the night in the streets =( which was really horrible for someone to go through...and found out my mam didnt even bother looking fro me which really did hurt lots....thats why my gdad and her have totally fell out

I hope my grades pick up this year...i am away from mates etc in lessons...so that should be better

mumubaby89
hugs

September 9, 2006
7:57 pm
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Yes, MumuB, I really think it will go better for you this year. You have gone through things no one should really have to go through, but once you come through all that and know that you still functioned in spite of all of it, you are a stronger person. I'm glad you're keeping your eyes on the goals you want for yourself. It is like with anything, once we prove to ourselves we can do something, it builds our confidence so we can go on to do more. It seems to work this way with everything, whatever it is. I surely wish you the best and maybe not having the same mates in your classes will be a blessing for you. I hope you can just try to look forward to each day now, not be too concerned with the past or what is ahead and just try to focus on each thing at a time during your day. If you can do that, it will be a huge help. I'm glad you're posting when you get a chance to. Hugs and a 🙂

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