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ttsmom - many hugs going out to you
December 27, 2005
10:47 am
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Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
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I just read a post of yours on the "Christmas Is Over, Thank God" thread where you said: "yeah i hate the holidays too. they are very diffucult. i am all alone no kids no husband no nothing. mentally, sexually and physically abused by many members of my family. scars on me from self hurt and them hurting me. my mother was very abusive, wow its scary for me to speak of her in that nature like she is going to come and hurt me for that, but she was very disatisfy with me as a daughter. she had her boyfriend and my brother and her sexually abused me from the age of 5-15, much blood and pain they done to me... it hurt so bad, wow i remember xmas mornings when i had big pretty boxes wrapped so beautiful, i opened them and they where empty. my family laughed at the look on my face and the tears in my eyes.. just wanted some love some unpainful love."

... and wanted you to know that my heart goes out to you, sweetie. I was actually overwhelmed a little with sadness for you when I read this and felt the need to post to you directly on a seperate thread. I hope you do not mind.

Please know that the abuse you endured as a child was not your fault. You did NOT deserve to be treated like this. Noone does!! It seems you were (very sadly) the scapegoat of your mom, your brother and mom's bf's evil sickness, and I believe it was your mom's sickness (being the one that was supposed to protect and guide you both) that brought on your brother's sickness.

Gosh, I am not sure even what to say to you as reading your post truly did overwhelm me. To know that a child, ANY child, is or has been treated this way sickens me to no end. I have endured some abuse in my childhood from my mom, dad and siblings myself - and feel that I was put in the scapegoat role as well due to what I call their "lack of ability to be emotionally compassionate for others". But the abuse was nowhere near what it seems you have endured (the sexual abuse never entered into the picture, and I can only imagine how devasting this must be for you).

I have accepted that my family had some of their own major issues, and know that none of what happened to me was my fault. Doing so has brought me some peace, and helped me to learn how to love myself and use those experiences to show true love and compassionate for others. But it took a long time for me to get here, and there are times when those old feelings still creep up on me (I call those triggers).

Are you going to counseling at all to help you work through your healing of this traumatic experience?

I have to get back to work, but will try to come back later. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you. And please keep reaching out for help. There are many loving people here that will open their arms to you and surround you with the warmth & love you so much deserve.



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