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trying to move on
February 9, 2004
1:06 am
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zack
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i am trying to move on after a pretty decent but not meant to be relationship. this ended about 1.5 months ago and it has been difficult but i am accepting that everything happens for a reason and such is life. my concern lies with a vehicle that is in my name but the woman i was with is still "using". i have exhausted just about every avenue to settling this matter in a civil adult manner. the woman is not keeping lines of communication open (regarding what we are doing with the car) and this makes me very leery about extending my generosity any further. i feel like this car is a symbol of hanging on - when i really do not want to. i purchased the vehicle to ensure that the woman i loved had a safe and reliable car, i still want her to be safe and have good transportation, but communication seems to be a one-way street. if there is to be no contact and we are to both move on- this isssue must be resloved. i guess i am torn between doing what my heart feels is right and what i have to do. any advice? not being able to resolve this seems so petty and immature. should i just go take the car back and be done with it? (she has no legal right to it) this sounds so easy but it is really tough. any advice would be greatly appreciated-- thanks

February 9, 2004
9:02 am
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Molly
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Yea Zack that is exactly what you should do. Go get the car. We live in a world of legal complications, you are responsible for that car, and what ever might happen with it. Registration, insurance, maintenance, accidents.... go get it, and let her take care of her self. Or do you want to keep the connection open ????? Its not just your heart, its your liability

February 9, 2004
10:48 am
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Anonymous
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Exactly what Molly said, if she lets the insurance lapse or anything, and she gets in an accident, you will be held liable, and you do not want that, either give her the car, or get the car back, but if it is in your name you need to have it. You do not want to be responsible for something she has done, and trust me I work in the legal field so I know the legality on this and Molly is absolutely right. If you don't want to keep communications open, then don't but her having the car will do just that.

February 9, 2004
12:45 pm
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gingerleigh
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Go get the car. Sell it if you don't need it and just be done with it. The car will only serve as a reminder.

Or, if you purchased the car as a gift for her and you honestly want her to have it, change its ownership to her and let her do what she wants with it.

February 9, 2004
12:52 pm
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LCV
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Zach----
Yes to all of the posts above....take the car back or give it to her..whatever, but get yourself OUT of the loop. If you are just trying to hang on with this "one last connection", just cut it!! The relationship is OVER...she needs to be a big girl and take care of her own problems..it is not up to you anymore. It was a wonderful gesture on your part when you were together, but it is not your problem now...well it will be if she does something to the car....Hurry and resolve the matter....Good luck. I KNOW it's easier said than done, but we are here for emotional support : )

February 9, 2004
2:39 pm
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MEC
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Hard question Zach. I find myself in a similar situation and am not sure what to do either. May I ask who ended the relationship?

February 9, 2004
10:09 pm
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zack
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thanks to all of you - this is exactly what i needed to hear- often you just have to hear it from someone who can be objective- that is what we are here for each other for. this is really tough to try and answer some questions- yes i want her to have the car because i want her to be safe and have reliable transpo but she does not have the means to get a loan- she is very reactive personality type - when the kettle boils over she react no time sooner, very contrary to me. so her having the car and her taking the inititative to do so is not realistic. no matter what i will still feel like the big bad wolf but i know i have to do this asap. my conscious is clear as i feel i have offered every viable solution to no avail. i offered to split the cost of the vehicle as i felt this was right- no response. i am growing just a bit fed up with being the one extending myself with no reciprocation- not a pleasant feeling at all. such is life we live and learn. it may sound like i am "hanging on" --this is over and i want closure and to move on and it can't happen while this matter is up in the air.
thanks to all of you - you are all kind and i hope that i can offer some advice or suggestions that may help you- karma- it is all about karma

to answer MEC directly - it was over before it was finalized you know that scene- i would have to say she was the one to initialize the final parting. i was just being blind and did not want to see the light. we had built a lot together and we needed each other at very vulnerable points in our lives. i am not one to "hope" for a second chance, i have been through this before. life is to short to put yourself through that twice. i hope your situation works out. expand a little if you feel ok with that and perhaps we can help- thanks zack

February 9, 2004
10:15 pm
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Zinnie
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Zack,

Get the car and call it a day. She is already using this as a means to play games.

Z.

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