Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Trying to get past the confusion and hurt (2bstrong)
June 13, 2006
12:07 pm
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I’m still recovering and healing from my recent “interaction” with what I believe may have been a Narcissist/Charmer/Abuser. The “relationship only lasted six months, but it was the most intoxicating, yet hurtful six months I have ever experienced. The past four months or so have been very painful and confusing for me, trying to figure out what it all meant. Trying desperately to believe that it wasn’t all my fault and make sense of all of the mixed messages that I got during the relationship. If this was an interaction with a “N” I knew the exact moment that I had been DEVALUED. It was only three and a half weeks into the relationship. Prior to that, I was pursued like I had never been by a man before, he couldn’t see me or talk to me enough, he couldn’t know enough about me…the chemistry between us was mind-blowing, both physical and emotional. He wanted to be “exclusive” after only three dates. I went against my gut and agreed to it. Only four months earlier, had been the end of a ten and a half year relationship. I was grieving and hurting so badly and thought that if I started dating again, I would start feeling better.

With Doctor, it all seemed too good to be true. A surgeon, a pilot, an adoring son, and decent, church attending person with a keen mind and quick wit. He was everything I thought I could have ever wanted.

We would have times of extreme closeness and distance. He would frequently “check out” (his term) throughout the relationship, and would distance himself on every, single holiday.We would be intimate one, and the next day I would find him online at one of the internet dating sites. He prided himself on his “brutal honesty”. I cannot even tell you how many hurtful things he said. I believe that he was very secretive, although I don’t believe he ever “lied” to me. I believe he avoided the truth. In the end, his “truth” about us was that he felt “no emotional chemistry” with me. I cannot even express to you how much that hurt me. He said (in an email) “that even though he thoroughly enjoyed the time we spent together, he didn’t miss it when we were apart.” He said, “I think this speaks volumes about how I feel about US.” I don’t believe if I have ever felt so degraded, dismissed, or devalued in my life.

I clearly understand the failure of my ten and a half relationship with my ex-fiance. Plain and simple, he did not love me. I MADE that relationship--I gave everything I had and lost myself in the process. He did not tell me once in ten and a half years that he loved me. Duh. But the relationship/interaction with Doctor…I don’t understand. He told me that he liked me, that he was attracted to me; that he had never been as uninhibited with anyone that he was with me. He even acknowledged that he hadn’t treated me very well. He often asked me to help him do things…which were more “orders” than requests. When I would invite him to do something, or ask him to help me with something, he wouldn’t commit….once I invited him to my house for dinner, and he said that “we wouldn’t be able to plan that in advance, so I couldn’t do anything too elaborate”. There is so much…underlying arrogance, he was very competitive, yet physically insecure with his body. We had a conversation about shooting handguns (he had an extensive collection) and I said, “We should go shooting sometime, I’m pretty good. he said, “I’m better than you”. I thought that was weird too.

I take full responsibility for getting into a relationship too quickly after the end of my ten-plus relationship. I know that I wanted to fill a void, and emptiness. However, I would like to be able to understand what it meant…I want to be able to “define” a problem. Could it be that Doctor was just a jerk? Not an “n”? I cannot except that there wasn’t some deep psychological problem there, perhaps on my part, too. I don’t want to feel hurt about it all anymore. I contacted him on his birthday last Friday, and his response email was a mirror of what I had sent…I will not contact him again. I don’t want to…I had bargained with myself to send that note. I was hoping that he would contact me.

I want to feel better, guys. I had some pretty low moments these past few months, missing Doctor, missing ex-ex. I am back in counseling, and my primary focus is to become more self aware, to understand why I do the things that I am doing, and how I impact the direction of a relationship.

I welcome comments from anyone who has any observations or understanding about Narcissism or Charmer/Abusers.

2b

June 13, 2006
1:17 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

2b,

I feel for you so much!! I know all too well the feeling of being put up on a pedestal, only to be pushed off in an angry, un-reasonable, unexpected, devastating blow!! I've been up and down with my ex so many times over the past year that I couldn't even count them if I tried! I don't want to get into all of the ugly details, but I am just realizing that he is a narcissist and all of my heartache, pain, confusion was all a game to him. He lured me in with all of the words he knew would melt my heart and once he got me... he discarded me... until the next time. I can only assume now that the times he "came back" to me were the times his narcissistic supply was getting low elsewhere. It hurts a lot... but I need to remember this fact the next time he comes sniffing around me.

I've been doing a lot of reading on narcissism and there is one thread in particular, that I found extremely helpful. It is called **How to get Over a Narcissist?** I'd suggest you take a look at it and see if you recognize "Doctor" in there...

2b, I hope you realize that there is NOTHING that you could have done differently or better or "right" to change the outcome of this relationship. It was doomed from the begining because it was never REAL. It hurts because we want to believe that they meant everything they said and we want to believe that we are all the wonderful things they TOLD us we were!!! WE ARE those things... but it doesn't matter to the narsissist. It is all about THEM!!! It was never about US... not for one minute. It sucks and it hurts, but please don't internalize it. It was not YOU!!!!!

Much love,

TC

June 13, 2006
1:40 pm
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((2b)))) I am sorry you are hurting. You will get past the pain, and you will learn from both of these painful relationships. It will make you a stronger person, and when the right person comes along, you will be prepared. You are learning to watch for the red flags, to protect yourself from those who only intend to hurt you and cannot be in a healthy relationship. I wish I could take away the pain. I'll keep you in my prayers. Take care of yourself.

June 13, 2006
1:57 pm
Avatar
lovinglife
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I found this website site because I sit here today with many of the some thoughts as you 2bstrong;

“I went against my gut and agreed to it”… “The “relationship only lasted ___ months, but it was the most intoxicating, yet hurtful ___ months I have ever experienced”… “I knew the exact moment that I had been DEVALUED. It was only three and a half weeks into the relationship. Prior to that, I was pursued like I had never been by a man before, he couldn’t see me or talk to me enough, he couldn’t know enough about me…the chemistry between us was mind-blowing, both physical and emotional”… “He was everything I thought I could have ever wanted”… “I don’t believe if I have ever felt so degraded, dismissed, or devalued in my life”… “Could it be that ____ was just a jerk?.... “I am back in counseling, and my primary focus is to become more self aware, to understand why I do the things that I am doing, and how I impact the direction of a relationship”…

I could have written your post almost word for word, only I had not been in any relationship, by choice, for 5 yrs. Was thinking I'd get myself healthy then start the dating thing once again. Oh, and how healthy did I get myself in those 5 yrs?? The very 1st relationship back in the game and 3 months later here I sit.

Since I’m not exactly sure what this website is all about I’ll keep my reply at a minimum. The only thing I can say is that I just finished reading ‘Beyond Codependency and Getting Better All The Time” and slowly realizing that ‘my doctor’ is not a jerk-(though I’d like to think he is) but its coming from within me-- extremely attractive to these types of men. So while waiting for my 1st appointment back on the counseling chair (this Thursday) during the meantime I’m waiting/hoping/praying for ‘my doctor’ to come back around-go figure.

June 13, 2006
2:28 pm
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TC--Thanks for the recommendation. I found the thread, and there are some awesome things shared within the posts. Over and over it is repeated the the reality is not what it seems. It's not a relationship, it's an iteraction, an encounter.

I also was thinking about all of the "subtle" things that were said or done (by Doctor) throughout the relationship. Many times we pass this off as innocent, or not knowing what they are doing. The blaming, the criticism (not of me, but of others), he once told me that he was going to have a clause written into his pre-nup if he ever got married that his wife could never get fat. Sickness. He held up his hands once thumb tip to thumb tip and said that the behind of the person he was dating had to fit into the space that equaled the width of his hands...he told me I was pretty close. Subtle? Or blatant? The paranoia...I don't know. Again, I don't want to make it fit into the description of a personality disorder, but it was all so bizarre, that it marked me.

ready: Thanks for the comfort. I AM going to get past this, I AM going to use this hard-earned knowledge to grow, to change. I am optimistic. I needed to create this thread so that I have a place to expel all of this. I've been obsessing about it for more than four months now. It was time to get it all out. My counselor recommended that I journal about it, so this is my journal.

Hi lovinglife: Welcome! Thank you for posting, and feel safe to share anything that you like here. It's a very good place for growth and feedback. I too am from the school of hard-knocks! I always say that my head is as thick as a brick. It's good that you are reading, and in counseling. Don't assume all of the blame in your relationship, co-dependecy means it takes TWO to tango, to create the behavior. YOu are choosing to change. AND, yes, we all wish for them to come back around, it's like breaking an addicition, it takes time and a LOT of work. Be strong...hugs to you...

2b

June 13, 2006
2:53 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2b I 'm sorry for this happening to you.

I think that anything that grates or any twinge, or any thought of "hmmm..that just isn't right, or just does not sound right"...maybe hold this close and run next time if it happens again. Listen to that 'still small voice' inside of you that knows you better than anyone.

hugs to you,
omw

June 13, 2006
2:57 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2b: You are on your way. I think finding out what the behaviors really meant are going to help you put this behind you. None of the info you will learn will make it any easier- its still a very hard pill to swallow- what you learn about him and especially what you learn about you. These types can seek out a certain type- us- people who are so vulnerable and naive to their dysfuntional, pathological ways. That book I recommended to you goes into this pretty thoroughly.

Its been a few years since my exbf experience but I was in so much pain all I did was research his disorders- things I had no concept of. It was horrifying. But from there I learned why he targeted me in the first place. And what I had to do to change.

2b, there are so many things the Dr. did that qualify him as a CA. The speed in which he pursued you, the intensity, the insults, the pinching, the strict physical requirements, the extreme closeness and then pulling away, the disappearing act on holidays- that all sounds so much like my exbf. And then to throw you away at the end- as if you meant nothing- I am sorry to say I can relate.

Its hard as heck to get over, and it will take time, but like I said, you're on your way.

((((2b))))

SD

June 13, 2006
3:20 pm
Avatar
Matteo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 2
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear Friend,

I am really sorry for your pain and what you went and are going through. I can relate to your experience with Dr. in so many ways. Forgive me if my feedback will sound harsh in any way, but what you wrote, frankly bothers me in some ways, although it is not personal. I can imagine where your perception comes from, and I am allowing myself to say what I will say, hoping that you will give me the benefit of a doubt that I don’t want to hurt you in any way.

You are repeating over and over how good citizen Dr.B. is. Wonderful. That only tells you that nobody is perfect and no person can be described in black and white, as good or bad, right or wrong. Would you accept more easily that he has psychological issues if he was uneducated or didn’t go to church? I’m sorry, but I can’t see any connection here to emotional well-being or lack of it.

You’ve said: “However, I would like to be able to understand what it meant…I want to be able to “define” a problem. Could it be that Doctor was just a jerk? Not an “n”? I cannot except that there wasn’t some deep psychological problem there, perhaps on my part, too. I don’t want to feel hurt about it all anymore.” I am not sure if I understood you correctly, but having psychological problem or being not in perfect emotional health does not make you abnormal, mentally ill or crazy. Those are very different things and it seems to me that you are not quite able to make a distinction. Having certain reactions ingrained in your psyche doesn’t make you dumb or unintelligent or whatever you might call it, either. It doesn’t have anything to do with your education, IQ or social or economical status.

In the end, it is not important if he is a narcissist – meaning well functioning well adapted individual having narcissistic characteristics, or not; that’s not important, and might be difficult to determine. It would be very easy to say: oh well, he is a bad person, so that’s why it happened to me; it’s his fault after all. But what if you cannot say that? What is most important is why you were driven to him, what are your characteristics which let him suck you in, why did you stay in a loveless marriage for so long, where as you said “you lost yourself”. From what you described you were loosing yourself in a relationship with him as well. That doesn’t mean that you are mentally ill, it means only that something happened to you which caused formation of certain reactions and responses, just like something happened in his life which caused him to become who he is; who knows smothering mother might be a reason. You might want to look for the roots and dig them out or you might just cut the weed. But without getting to the roots, most likely the weed will appear where you expect it the least.

Understanding your and his issues will not automatically take your pain away. That is a whole different ball game. But it certainly it will make you aware of your shortcomings and will help you keep your eyes open in the future. You will learn and grow from that, and there is nothing bad about it. It might be painful at times, but it would benefit you tremendously. I would advise you to venture. Good luck. ((((2bstrong))))

June 13, 2006
3:38 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

SD,
and 2b i don't mean to interrupt your thread....

but the CA personality sounds familiar to me as well, since you described your ex boyfriend this way...this is so foreign to me, could all men who come on so strong be a classic CA personality...and is it possible that they could eventually end up with someone they could dominate emotionally, or someone who "fits" their lifestyle to make it easier for "them"? Just wondering, as sometimes i just try to figure out what happened to me a few years ago.

June 13, 2006
3:48 pm
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

on my way...thank you for the encouragement...I did not listen to the small voice, or even the big voice in the relationship with Doctor. I am in a better place to assess it now, that is, why I did what I did, and stayed with him, even though it was getting very dramatic and uncomfortable. I intend to continue counseling to get to know myself better. I hope that you are doing well.--2b

June 13, 2006
3:48 pm
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

on my way...thank you for the encouragement...I did not listen to the small voice, or even the big voice in the relationship with Doctor. I am in a better place to assess it now, that is, why I did what I did, and stayed with him, even though it was getting very dramatic and uncomfortable. I intend to continue counseling to get to know myself better. I hope that you are doing well.--2b

June 13, 2006
3:52 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

OMW: What I have learned is that when speed seems to be of the essence, there's something wrong. They are in a hurry for a reason. Of course we think they are so enamored with us they just can't get enough of us, and we want it so badly we are swept off of our feet- and we let our defenses down. And the reasons they do this could be many, like overwhelming you before you find out what they are like, before you can decide if they are someone you want in your life, etc. They try to get us wrapped up emotionally so that when the "red flags" pop up later, we ignore or dismiss them since we are already "in love".

I remember you having a difficult time getting over someone. It seems these types are much more difficult to move away from. But not impossible.(((omw)))

SD

June 13, 2006
4:03 pm
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

sd: I was hoping you would stop by! I read so many of your posts and responses from similar threads on this site that I had printed out. I cried, and found comfort at the same time. I spent the last four months grieving and idealizing Doctor and the relationship. I am in a place now to TRY and understand what happened and why I stayed, and to take off the rose colored glasses. I am so sorry to know that you had a similar, painful experience. I ordered the book that you recommended from Amazon, so I look forward to using that as a "tool" to recover, grow, heal.

It may seem that I am focusing on HIM and his behavior--but to me, knowledge is power, and I think I can apply that here. Lots, and lots of love to you, SD...thank you again for your wisdom. I have great respect for you.--2b

June 13, 2006
4:06 pm
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear (((Matteo)))...I skimmed your post, and want to give it the attention it deserves in response. I want you to know, (at first read) you do not sound harsh! I am here to learn, this is my learning thread, I cannot process all of this on my own (as I have been doing) I have to get outside of my head, I am seeking the help of others. Let me read and get back to you...2b

June 13, 2006
4:07 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

SD,
Yes I have moved on from that, but now he is with someone whom he seems to be able to totally dominate, and fit into his scheme of things. It is just a new piece of the puzzle that i recently became aware of, and of course caused me to reflect. I care about him as a person, and it bothers me a bit to think that he could be this way...but who knows.

2b,...strong....you are a strong person..it will work out in your favor. I took a peek at the other posts you all are posting on..you all are brave...I paid for 3 months of match.com about a year and a half ago, but only stayed on for a week! I got so many hits...attracted Financial advisors, and attorneys (GO FIGURE!)...it was so overwhelming I couldn't handle it. I was totally freaked. Just not ready i guess. But will peek in at the other thread and see how you all are doing...hopefully someone genuine and healthy will come along for you...oh, and good looking too!

June 13, 2006
4:13 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ah, Thanks, 2b. Lots of love to you to.

What you are doing is exactly what I did. I researched all of HIS problems. So when I found out what an absolutely horrible human being he is, I was still left with "So why did I love that person, why did I give my heart body and soul to him" when he didn't have an ounce of caring for me. Why did I stay when I knew that. And you know what- thats when the learning and healing begins. The answer is always within us- not with them.

But never forget that just because we made a mistake by allowing this person into our life does not make us like them. We are still the beautiful, loving women we were before, and we deserve much better things out of life than to waste our time looking for love in all the wrong places. ((((2b))))

SD

June 13, 2006
4:29 pm
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Matteo...

First thing I would like to address (because I am not clear) is what bothers you? Can you express what it is?

I did not at all intend to say that having a psychological disorder or emotional disorder makes one abnormal! My gosh, if that is the case, the we are all NORMAL! Does that make sense? I feel that we are all susceptible to unhealthy behavior patterns, regardless of our race, class, social status, employment, etc. I hope that I'm understanding you!

I am very aware of the "urge" I have to define this relationship, I am having a difficult time trusting my perception of him, of myself, and how we interacted. I want and need to understand this. Yes, I absolutely, positively was "losing myself" into him in the last two and a half months of the relationship. I could see the same behavior in myself that I had used to hold on to the relationship with my fiance (we had never married). Ironically, I went into the relationship with Doctor with the intent to do everything differently. I was in counseling at the time, and had a pretty good sounding board. After dating for about three and a half months, and seeing some pretty unstable behavior patterns, I told him I thought we should part ways. He agreed. Two days later, he called to tell me that he thought that he acted the way that he did because he got scared, and he wanted to try again. I agreed to give it a try. THAT is when I went in to full blow holding on mode, and right back to the same behavior I had with ex-ex.

I was delusional about Doctor...I think I saw him as my savior, and put him on a high pedastal, as I said earlier, he had all of the qualities I was looking for. That was my illness.

I hope that scratches into what you are saying, Matteo. Am I understanding you, and vice-versa?

I have also read your posts on previous historic threads, and especially appreciated the dialogue that you had with Worried_Dad on the "Curing Narcissism" thread. I was very interested in the arguments posted, and the desire for understanding of the others' postion. I greatly respect your opinion, Matteo.--2b

June 13, 2006
4:39 pm
Avatar
whidbey
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2b,

I agree that we all need to learn what makes US tick and how and why. However, while we can't diagnose your ex as a true NPD, he definitely sounds very Nish. Lots of red flags there.

What you need to remember are a couple of things:

First, Ns (or people with strong N traits) become very, very good at what they do when it comes to drawing people in. It can happen to even the strongest of people. Some stay longer than others, depending on their strengths and ability to set and maintain boundaries. My ex-N fooled even my brother, a policeman (and not a rookie), who is very good at reading people. Bro said he liked him because he could see how lovingly N spoke to me. If he only could have seen what followed only a few weeks after that...

Secondly, being with a true NPD or C/A is being in an abusive situation, and it's quite often very, very subtle, especially in the beginning; something you can't quite put your finger on. There is a certain dynamic, very similar to the Stockholm syndrome, that keeps us enmeshed within that dynamic. We're just waiting, waiting, waiting, for that first person who idealized us to come back. We just know he's really in there, right? We saw it once... They feed us just enough crumbs to keep us there, in between the devaluation process.

Yes, you were "ripe for the picking" for an N or C/A, just coming out of a bad relationship. The really good ones know this and know exactly what they are looking for. Everyone feels badly about themselves sometimes, even the strongest of people, which can leave them vulnerable to such an interaction. Don't be too hard on yourself for wanting to believe someone truly loved you and had your best interests at heart, as you were probably willing to give to him.

Bottom line is this. It just seems to take longer getting over an abusive relationship like this, so go easy on yourself. The reason is that we have ended up internalizing so much of the negative info they've been feeding to us about ourselves that we often, at the end, don't know what is up or down any longer and don't trust ourselves or that little small voice within us. They've managed to rewrite those self-talk tapes in our brains.

That is what you have to focus on now. Rewriting those tapes to being positive, affirmative assessments of yourself, and honest ones. Some of the honest ones hurt, yes; however, if you look at the experience as an opportunity to improve yourself, then you can make something positive out of all the negative.

I would suggest journaling both here and in a separate book. I don't know what the difference was for me, but I was able to write even more freely by hand and in something that was for my eyes only. Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of support here, as well as on MSN Narcissistic Personality Disorder web site, and that is necessary as well. We sometimes need that validation that what is going through our heads aren't crazy thoughts, that we really DID experience what we did. Furthermore, most of your family and friends probably won't "get" it, if they've never been in this kind of situation. It doesn't mean they don't care, it just means they can't grasp the full extent of what you went through. Talk with people who have been through it too, when you need that extra bolster to your spirit or ego (healthy ego...). That helped me a lot in the early days, and yes, four months was still "early days" for me. Now, six to seven months out of it, I can honestly say I am sooooo over him. I wouldn't go near that guy with a 10-foot pole ever again, nor do I ever want to hear from him again.

Take care of yourself. Hugs.

June 13, 2006
4:49 pm
Avatar
Matteo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 2
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2bstrong,

Thank you. We do understand each other. What bothered me was that we might not, and that his status, position and good deeds were in my understanding clouding his picture.

Because in understanding of many, those kind of traits are contradictory to what you knew about him from your personal, intimate experience with him, and for me they are not; hey are just part of the whole person it his complexity. I guess that was my reaction against boxing and labelling in general.

June 13, 2006
4:52 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2Bstrong, I just wanted to send a hug to you. I have always felt connected to you through your story. I don't have much advice for you though I do understand how you feel. Right now, I know I am not nearly ready for a relationship. It seems that when healthy guy comes along that is ready, those are the ones I am steering one because I know I am not ready. And ones I know to stay away from, I also stay away from them and don't develop feelings for them either. I still have a lot of work to do on myself and it will be long road ahead of me. I have not give up either. I just know it won't be weeks or months but possibly another year before I feel completely healed from the destructive relationship of push/pull type.It took a toll on me. I know it took a toll on you as well. Just remember to keep your focus on changing for yourself and your own path as well as reminding yourself of what is not good for you. Luv -TAJ

June 13, 2006
5:02 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((2BStrong))))

Thrilled to see you again!!! I agree with what you mentioned in your post. Your wounds are STILL FRESH from past relationship with your ex-fiance of 10+ years.

You are on the rebound sweetheart! I honestly do not know how you can jump from one failed relationship into another without any remorse, guilt, crying...right away??!!

Go thru the mourning process and grieve the losss of it. Spend sometime alone to heal those wounds of 10 years+ withOUT any romantic involvement.

I'm sorry for what have happened with regard to your new friend the doctor. Being a church goer/attendant does not necessarily make him more decent or trustworthy. Chruches are filled with con artists.

When something is too good to be true; then it's too good to be true.

I hope and pray that this trial will make you become stronger (just like your name!) and more healthy and ready for the Mr. Right. You are a kind, wise and nurturing lady and you really deserve a knight in a shining armor!

(((Hugs & Prayers)))

June 13, 2006
5:08 pm
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear, dear, friends,

I am so touched by the out pouring. I have to leave for the day, but will respond in kind in the morning.

Peace to all this evening, and thank you again.--2b

June 13, 2006
10:12 pm
Avatar
free spirit
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi 2B 🙂

(((((2B)))))

I don't know what I can add to all the collective wisdom on this thread other than to give you a big hug and let you know that you have my support as you recover.

I don't know quite why a relationship of this type is so hard to recover from, but I know separating myself and feeling better was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life!

The relationship distorts our sense of reality and sense of justice. It also causes us to lose ourselves to such an extent that I think it frightens us very deeply. The chaos contained within it is almost impossible to figure out, thus leaving us with no answers.

But you have found your way out and are probably back to finding the old 2B that was tucked back in there somewhere. It gets better and better everyday, but there is no way around it other than through it.

With time will come clarity, renewed strength and a sense of purpose and self again. I truly believe I am stronger for the experience and that somehow, someway there was a plan for this. It was meant to be part of my life for some reason, raw searing pain, heartache, beauty, isolation, chaos, every part of it.

I could go on and on about how the experience touched our lives, but just know 2B you are a wonderful person who will recover fully from this and be stronger and better than ever!

with love and hugs - free spirit

June 13, 2006
10:14 pm
Avatar
free spirit
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey Widbey - so nice to "see" you here!!

It sounds like you're doing wonderful, I'm glad!

free

June 14, 2006
9:18 am
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

SD: I feel the answer is within...I think I have been running from that for years. Looking to have someone rescue me, so that I didn't have to rescue myself. I was thinking last night that researching HIS problems may be a way of staying connected. I am going to admit, that has to be part of it. But when a relationship or situation comes along, and makes such a great impact on your life, don't you want to get a hold of it? We thought they loved and cared for us at some point, or else we wouldn't have so fiercely hung on. From that point, we have to clarify the illusion.

((((((sdesigns)))))

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
25
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110963
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38560
Posts: 714252
Newest Members:
mycvdesigner, JayGriffin212, Youse1937, Cannabeme, charli55, SeaG1ant
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information