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Trying to be Fully Human
September 29, 2000
12:30 am
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CoraE
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September 27, 2010
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I am an older woman and I'm going through a difficult time. Where can I start? I've been overweight since I was a child and grew up feeling horrible about my body... I guess I grew up believing that no one could love me. Ironically, throughout my life I have had major problems any time I became interested in a man. The few times I told the man, usually a friend, about my feelings they told me they didn't feel the same way. That just reinforced my feelings of being unloveable. Recently I am realizing that I learned very early to hide my feelings as well as my body. When there is a man that I'm interested in romantically and sexually I automatically hide my feelings in order to protect myself from the rejection that I expect. (I think that overweight people are abused and even hated in the media but I guess that's another letter.) For myself, as a proud woman, I cringe at the thought that the man I want would never even consider me... So, recently I spent a very special time with a man that I've always liked a lot. We don't see each other often and rarely are alone. We talked all night and I feel that there was a closeness there and a connection and that he felt it too. Without going into the details I'll just say that he took my hand at the end of the evening and looked at me very intensely...nothing more. We live in different cities. I haven't heard from him but can't stop thinking about him. I am very in touch with how lonely I am and how much I want to be able to be intimate, both emotionally and physically with someone. I think about how short and fragile life is and I want to reach out to him and tell him how special this time was for me and maybe suggest that we meet somewhere (halfway mileage wise). I worry that I didn't really let him know that I'm "interested". I fear that he knows and just doesn't feel the same way. But there must be a reason that I am alone and have always been so. I want to change and act out of strength not out of fear of rejection. I know that I have incredible fears of intimacy and it's hard to reach out, trust someone, and reveal myself. What should I do? I would appreciate all your thoughts and advice out there......

September 29, 2000
3:23 am
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fbcompassion
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September 24, 2010
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I am not sure if I have all of the answers but I have been there. From experience I know that you have to learn to love yourself before anyone else will truly love you. Look in the mirror and start from your head and identify parts of your body that you love. Give each body part a rating from 1=would like to chang to 5=love. After you are done with your list look and see how many body parts you gave a rating of 3 or above. If there are several areas of your body that you love, then focus on these. I am sure you are a beautiful person but if you don't feel it inside for yourself then it will not show on the outside. Learn to become comfortable in your own body whether you are a size 5 or a size 20. By yourself beautiful and sexy clothing. Don't hide in baggy and unflattering clothing just because you are a more voluptuous or full figured woman. I am a full figured woman and I struggle with my weight also. I try to take care of myself by exercising regularly and eating healthy. Although I am not a size 5, I am strong and healthy. I do this for me. When you exude confidence, people will be drawn to you, this includes men. I get plenty of looks when I am out and about because I am confident. You will not be able to experience true intimacy until you love you. Read Mode magazine and see how beautiful the bodies on those women are. We come in all shapes and sizes. I will be praying for you and I hope that you will take the time to really explore where your feelings that you cannot be loved stem from. They can get in the way of true intimacy. Take care of you.

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