Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Trusting in God, really squiggly AAACK
September 15, 2005
11:59 pm
Avatar
Lass
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Okay Gals,

I'm a hurting unit. Today I am 18 years sober in AA, and rather crooked (not unusual by itself around birthday time). But even more squiggly due to having spent WAY too much time reading websites on narcissism and borderline and seeing things WAY too clearly for comfort.

I could use a little emotional support. It feels like I NEED him, acute distress today with abandonment issues. I emailed him and said that he did not have what I needed, but my God did. Now, if I can just convince myself!

September 16, 2005
12:08 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lass:

nice to meet you.

Good for you for standing up for yourself. Now believe in what you said. Take this situation and give it to God and don't take it back. Read, pray, cry. This whole process takes time, but you know that having been thru AA. Work your 12 steps it helps. Find some hobby or something you like to do to distract yourself for awhile.

You wil be ok. You stand strong.

September 16, 2005
12:11 am
Avatar
Lass
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TY MamaC.

I am going to try to do a gratitude list for perspective, and if I can concentrate, some step work. I feel just discombobulated.

September 16, 2005
12:13 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

That's the other not so nice spirit whispering in your ear. Ignore him. 🙂

September 16, 2005
12:19 am
Avatar
Lass
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

LOL.

It is okay just to BE, right now. I don't have to be anything in particular.

September 16, 2005
12:22 am
Avatar
Lass
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mama, It does hurt to feel so desperate for someone, though. Is this how I felt as a little girl? I remember when my family all went for a walk and left me behind, and I just panicked. I was about 8. This is real little girl stuff from even earlier than that, which I was reacting to then, and even now.

How do I heal that? Just leave it up to God? Or is this reparenting thing something (what is it?).... I just grieve it, and hope that covers it.

September 16, 2005
12:31 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Healing takes time unfortunately. You cannot rush it. It's day by day.
Work your 12 step program. Read your Bible, pray.

Have you gone thru the book "Codepencent No More" by Melodie Beattie? If not get it.

Leaving it up to God is hard. It take alot of faith, and I'm sure if you look deep inside you will find that faith.

September 16, 2005
12:35 am
Avatar
Lass
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

God is showing me all kinds of stuff this year that I hadn't been ready to look at before in sobriety. I will just trust the process. He will not drop me on my head.

I just want him. I never wanted anything so much.

September 16, 2005
12:44 am
Avatar
Lass
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am going to stop this defeating self-talk. I want to want God the way I want the man. I want to want the right stuff.

Yeah, I read all those books, got 'em in my recovery library still.. will reread again, now.

I haven't had trouble with this addictive stuff in a long time... but it has been an awful problem this whole year. He really punched my ticket.

My marriage just left me wide open for an affair this time. He is gone on business for about half the year without my seeing him. And he is an N.

September 16, 2005
12:50 am
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Have you read Purpose Driven Life?
That book changed my life, no lie. If you're searching for the truth, you'll find it in the book. I read it with a bible study group - it was amazing.

September 16, 2005
12:52 am
Avatar
Lass
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yeah-- read it three times..and my Bible study group was studying it the whole time I was having the affair. Not to dismiss it or anything..it just goes to show you the power of addiction and dependency and desperation and denial.

September 16, 2005
12:59 am
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Your post just made me crack up. You have a funny delivery - I'm not laughing at you - just the way you slapped me with the reality that it's not the miracle book that I thought it was. You're hilarious.

September 16, 2005
3:22 am
Avatar
ladyhawke
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lass,
Congratulations on 18 years sober! What a miracle.
I'm getting some outside help for my 'issues'. I don't think I stand a chance of having a decent relationship if I don't try and work out some of that childhood stuff. I'm kinda going through a break up. I don't know. I gave him the ultimatum today. He wanted to keep 'seeing' me without being intimate. but I'm in love with the guy!!! What kind of crap is that. I am wholly uncomfortable with those terms. We either work this out together or NO Contact!! I need to move on. Get some therapy and try this stuff again LOL. Good luck to you sweetie. I too struggle with the God stuff. I think we make these men our higher power because they are tangible. We can see, feel, hear, smell them. Whereas God requires faith. That and we are deeply insecure.lol

September 16, 2005
3:37 am
Avatar
sewunique
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wow! 18 years and congrats! Happy birthday to you. Which day is it? Mine is Sunday and am not looking too forward to it either.

This is a great place to come to, even if just to read other's posts. It is hard giving up on our dreams that have hurts tied up with them. Time is a big healer. Slow sometimes, but it just takes time, and the mearurement is different for each of us.

Reading and goiong to other wweblistes I too have found helpful. It helps me to learn about it then I can sort of find some logic to what it means and is all about. Part of the Virgo in me, tho' I really do not believe in astrology, just find it fun and interesting.

You say you are a believer, and in that gives us much hope and strngth to move forward with comfort and love to heal and grow.

On the lighter side; I love the word discombobulated! I can relate. I often feel befuddled at times as well.

~Sew~

September 16, 2005
4:44 am
Avatar
Lass
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Happy Birthday to you as well Sew! WTG Girl.

Honestly, I feel like I've been slogging through pig dung. Glad my birthday is over now..was the 15th.
- Phew.

It's like I have this shame and desire and fear of being acknowledged about it. Kooky.

God loves our honesty with ourselves and each other. Our desire to be kind, yet truthful. Most of all, I think He loves it when we hold one another up in prayer.

"Confess your faults one to another, and pray ye one for another, that ye may be healed." --Jeremiah

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
22
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714259
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information