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Trust
November 24, 2000
4:41 am
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EnjoyTheSilence
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I'm afraid To get close to people. When I do They end up hurting me. I am so lonely though.. I wish i didn't feel this way. But it's the safe way to be.. If I don't Let someone get close to me and get to know me then they can't hurt me too much. I'm beggining to think it will always be like this.. It's so hard to trust people.

November 24, 2000
10:37 am
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janes
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It won't be.

What are your expectations of people? Sometimes we have our own personal expectataions of "how" someone should be and what they should do "for" us and then we get hurt.

Each person is an individual and owner of their own internal life.

You need to be happy with you and then just have friends that you do a few things with. Your life needs to be complete within you then add others.

Good luck

November 25, 2000
12:33 pm
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Molly
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I was going to say that Trust starts in you. You can't controll others, and expectations can be dangerous. Others can't fill the holes in our heart, or our souls. If you expect others to do that you will be dissappointed and hurt. Try reading Living Buddah, Living Christ, celebrate the connectedness of things, and learn to be. Alan Watts, THE BOOk, is also good.

November 27, 2000
2:54 am
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Painful to me.. Gets right through me
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no one here knows you more than i do.. or anyone else... the people here are extremely helpful, and insightful... that's why i directed you here... there's more to your story than just the issue of "trust".. giving them one side of the story while leaving the rest out is will never 'solve' anything.. and i've told you this many times before. instead.. you rather walk away from everything.. why dont you explain to them why you are lonely and why you can't trust people .. and why people hurt you. doing this will give them an understanding of how you feel and an understanding of yourself as well..you are completely anonymous here.

November 27, 2000
7:28 am
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eye_can_c_u
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EnjoyTheSilence:

I know how you feel because that's how I felt for a long time. I decided that there was no point in even trying to trust anyone because I didn't want to get hurt. I don't know what to say. I know that's not the right way to live. I guess try finding one or two people and telling them how you feel about that. Tell him/her/them that they really hurt you're feelings by not keeping your secrets (if that's the case).

November 27, 2000
8:39 pm
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EnjoyTheSilence
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I think everything you all have said Is true.. But learning to love yourself and have faith in yourself and also other people is a VERY hard thing to do and sometimes I'd rather avoid it all together

. As for what *painful to me* said.. Well No I haven't stated entirely everything i felt because I just thought I'd vent a few thoughts on my mind. You must have me confused with someone else though because I don't think i Know you. I just happened to stumble upon this site a few weeks ago?

I do believe that you can't be happy with anyone else until your happy with yourself. But how do you do that? How do you find hapiness in yourself when alot of times you just wish you were someone else to begin with?

As for what *I can c U said* I don't even think telling someone how i feel will help me... Mostly because I HAVE tried and lets just say it left me with even less trust in people.

November 28, 2000
3:09 pm
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Come crashing into my little world
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trust and happiness falls under two different categories. the issue that you're tackling now is trust.. life comes with all sorts of problems in all sorts of ways under all sorts of angles.. from first day of your life to till the very last day of your life.. the more you learn to solve your problems in life.. the less problematic it will be.. there is really no one single solution that can solve everything .. it's just matter of how you come about things and how you handle it.. all problems that are left unsolved will come to haunt you until it is finally solved... and any problems that you can't come to solving.. you have find the best possible solution or come into "acceptance" of it. perhaps you are generally unhappy in life is because you have a lack of understanding of yourself. or there are multiple problems in your life that you rather not confront but choose to run away from.. and this ugliness will always live within your mind.. your first problem is your issue of trust.. and you have to tackle it. you have to question yourself and others to "why" you can't trust people? how did you lose your trust in people? how did they hurt you? and "why" did they hurt you? if you question yourself this.. perhaps there will be answer somewhere or a problem somewhere in that realm that needs to fixed. the more you open up the problem. break it into pieces.. inspect it.. analyze it.. study it.. then perhaps you will come to understanding the true cause of your distrust in people. but if you rather refuse to acknoledge it and throw it away in a closet.. it will be there waiting for you when you open it up again.. if you rather build up a brick wall and keep everyone away from looking in... you have to figure the problem out yourself within those brick walls..
so.. if you were to question again why it's hard for you to trust others.. dont just talk about it.. give explanations...
you can start with this question..

why do people hurt you when you trust them?

happienss is everywhere... .happiness within yourself probably works best when you come to accepting things... if you set overwhelming high standards that you can't meet.. then you will generally be unhappy with yourself.. and happiness is just not entirely within yourself.. it is in others as well because other people can teach you happiness .. for example.. you will never learn to be happy with yourself with out the assistance of others.. if you have no one to help you find happiness.. where will you find this source of happiness if you can't find it within yourself alone?
happiness is a constant search not just within yourself but everywhere.. it's a learning and accepting process.. accepting things the way they are.. learn to be appreciative.. to learn to be helpful and giving.. understanding.. tackling problems and avoiding it..confronting your fears.. doing this will present you the least problems in life.. stay away from selfish..dishonest, self absorbing and narrow minded people.. they are your enemies and they wont share you anything.. they live in their own worlds doing whatever is beneficial to them and what ever that is pleasing to them.. look for good traits and learn from it.. you'll find it very rewarding.. try it.. it's all a learning a process.. becuase happiness doesn't just fall out of the sky.. and it's not always there to please you..

November 28, 2000
4:45 pm
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eve
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hey, I just wanted to write an answer to this thread (lots of people here whith talking nicknames :-)) - but my cat hit the ecsape button and everything I had thought of vanished.

I guess that I just wanted to say that you should keep trust small, when you hand it to another person. BIG Trust in somebody might just be too much to expect or to be fulfilled.

Whatever, I'll go now, my cat has spoken 🙂 eve

November 29, 2000
2:22 pm
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Enjoy The Silence
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WOW..
Thank you all for your advice. I will be sure to give it All some thought. I think you said it best eve.. keep trust small. That may be the only way i learn how to trust again..

*Come Crashing in* You do this professionally? haha nice to know there's a depeche mode fan hangin' around here! 'thanks

November 29, 2000
4:23 pm
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scrowbe
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Good suggestions.

December 6, 2000
10:28 am
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cartman
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I was just in a relationship for 2 years that ended on thanksgiving day,and a lot of the problem was me not being able to trust her. Although she never gave me a reason not to trust her,I constantly accused her of things mostly of things i knew were not going on anyway which started arguments and finally got to her emotionally and she couldn't take it anymore,and now I'm the one hurting because I want the relationship to work and now she has moved back home and doesn't know if she can renew our relationship. I would also go out at night and not let her know where i was at and never included her in what I was doing. She has now admitted that over the past few months it has led her to have feelings of hate towards me,but she still loves me. I am just lost and confused since all this has happened and don't know what to do.

December 6, 2000
6:12 pm
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Molly
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My immediate response to this is that you have some work to do, should first let her know your feelings, apologize, and tell her that you are seeking some sort of counseling regarding your trust issues, and that you will honor the space that she is requesting. Tell her that you have acknowledged your responsibility of the problems in the relationship, and want to work on those issues, as well as the fact that you would like to continue the relationship. Then let her be. She based on your statements has done the healthy thing. Seperated from a basically emotionally harmful relationship. Sorrry. I have seen and heard of this behavior many times in men. Often the men are totally unaware that there is anger, and distrust in women in general, often stemming from the first relationship with women, their mother. This of course is just a guess, but this type of manipulative, game like behavior must have some sort of root base, and don't necessarily beat your self up for it, you could have been taught this by maybe your father figure??? I suggest getting into some counseling and figure out why you enjoy the drama, which I am sure there was pleanty. The honeymoon, the display of emotion, the control? You have owned and admitted a great deal in your initial question, and that says allot about your character in general, a strong foundation for change. Don't stop here, this will follow you through out your relationships, and this is a good time to work on the healing.
Good luck, and of course this is just a stab in the dark.

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