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Trust 2
August 17, 2001
1:19 pm
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moners
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September 30, 2010
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Hi All will here is my story when I was in high school I was dating a guy for about 5 years and he phyically and mentally abused me that whole intire time and I loved him and give my virginity. All through this I stayed. One day he almost killed me he got so mad at me at he held a knife to his neck then he came over to me and put the knife to my neck and started saying bad things to me and then a couple of weeks later he through me down a flight of stairs. Then I started to think and I left him and say a counsler and it helped a little bit, but not much.

Anyways the next 1 1/2 I was dating again and I met this wonderful man and everything went well for a couple of weeks, but then his true colors started to come out and on July 4, 1997 he date raped me and at the same time I was cheated on prior with the other guy and this guy cheated on me left and right. Now to get down to the story that I need help on. I started dating another guy and he is still in my life Dec. 20 will be our 4yr. annvt. anyways I trust him, but I am confused because I accuse him of sleeping around with different people and it drives him crazy and I feel that he going to hurt me like the two guys I dated I hate to accuse but it's getting worse and I don't know what to do because he loves so much and I do love him also and this is the man I want marry and also for him, but anybody out there that can help me!! Also I have seen a many counselors and they don't work for me, I need talk this out because he get's frustrated with and molly I have your advise thank you once again you are great:-) please advise me anyone?

August 17, 2001
1:28 pm
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sue2001
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does this new man know of your past experiances and all... maybe if he understood why you accuse him of cheating. Do you really think he is cheating.... Hummm I don't really know what to say?
SUE

August 17, 2001
1:43 pm
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moners
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Hi sue he knows all about it and he understoods I have to tell that he is a wonderful man and he wouldn't cheat on fly even if he a chance I know that he isn't cheating but something in the back of my mind makes me think that and I don't know how to stop that. Monica

August 17, 2001
2:31 pm
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Ladeska
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September 27, 2010
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Moners....well, from what I see - there could be a few ways to look at this, one that says you are looking for a certain kind of man - trying to resolve an old issue with a shadow from your past, one that probably hurt you very badly early on in your life, a male figure of authority over you. If you work it out with a psuedo person in your life now - you may feel relief about something, especially if you feel like you've won or that you now can feel validated and worthy by earning someone's love or going through enough hell with them.

Or, it might be that you've blamed you at the root of everything that's happened to you and you don't consider yourself worthy to be loved in the first place - so therefore you pick men that will enforce this belief in you - even though it brings you pain. If it's a truth - you will seek out validation of that truth - regardless of whether it's a lie or not. To you - it's true.

Or, you could really see something in this man that sends off signals in you and you could be right.

Actually, it could be all three or two of the three or, of course, none at all. (smile)

August 17, 2001
3:07 pm
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Ladeska
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I guess what I'm trying to say here is - it may have nothing to do with him at all except that if he treats you good - it doesn't fit to you, makes you feel strange, out of your comfort zone because you are locked into getting what I mentioned above -worked out and validated as true.

If you're not getting your fix - you may go into a tailspin. If this is true - and you can really look at it -then you can truly know where to start with yourself. But, this is hard for people. If it's a locked in truth and they've been picking this scab forever and getting a fix from the pain - then it's rough facing reality and saying - hey, I believed something about myself early on, tried to fix it by doing all this stuff, it's not working, I can disbelieve it, go another direction and slowly learn over time how to live without self-inflicted pain, how to live without setting up the dominoes and watching them fall, how to admit - I do that, how to live accepting someone's love for me, while at the same time - having boundaries and never giving 100% of my trust away first thing. It is earned and I have a right to take it slow...give out a piece at a time and take it back when it is warranted.

Sometimes....a child who gets hurt - puts things together in the heart, mind and body that aren't quite true, but at the time - they work, they protect and keep a vulnerable mind from disentegrating into little pieces. Survival is a funny thing.

However, when you grow up - the hardest thing in the world to do is to disbelieve what a child's mind has accepted as absolute. Especially, if you've built your entire life on it. It's true, you're used to the pain, used to validating alot of things that aren't so about you and life in general, but - it's in stone now.

So, if you approach this belief system - you are going to have go through your own defense system as well and trust me when I say - it's freaking nasty and hard to do. You will hate going there and if you're anything like me - I wrote the book on stubborn. Denial is a big blanket, but not a comfy one. It has it's hidden thorns...the mirror is sometimes scary, but only because the monster is made of paper and the real person behind that is quite beautiful and needs to be seen....needs to be freed in the light of what is true, pure and life-giving.

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