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True Love is my focus....
September 13, 2001
11:46 pm
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child
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She has to be trustworthy, pure truth, interesting, intelligent, open minded, adaptable, resourceful, hardworking, innocent, attractive, a virgin, with a good moral background, Who is strong enough to resist the temptations of Flesh. With God's help, I can wait for marriage but it is rare to find someone else who can.
I have been across the united states, I have met many a variety of girls. Growing up, most all my friends were girls. To this day females have trusted me with their secrets. My guy friends trust me with their girlfriends.
Out of all the girls I have known none have met my desire.
For 27 years I have remained a virgin by choice. I believe in the Sanctity of marriage. I will save myself for that special someone in Marriage. I desire another with those same values.
Spirit, Truth, potential and Love are my priorities in a Relationship. I am seeking someone who desires the same. Sex is not a temptation for me. Virginity is my only lust.
I feel that I have earned the right to find the girl of my dreams.
The statements I make are True to my life. Many seem to not Believe that anyone can be this way. Because of the views of majorities I am often discouraged in the hopes of finding someone for me.

September 14, 2001
11:56 am
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gingerleigh
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First off, it helps to post as a reply to your original thread. But I'm still following you.

Anyway, it's good to have religious values. The virginity thing I personally don't agree with, but that's just me. I've met many wonderful caring giving and religious people who aren't virgins and aren't married, but hey, I don't share your beliefs, so what? It's good that you have them. What really matters is knowing what your beliefs are and following them.

(Great quote from the movie dogma... "As far as what's right, no major religion has nailed it yet. It does not matter what your faith is, only so long as you *have* faith.")

Anyway, Child, what I read in your posts is that you will do *exactly* what you want, no matter what anyone posts here. You don't seem to be here looking for someone to talk you out of your desires. Seems more like you are looking for someone to post back and say "No, really, it's OK, true love has no age limitations, go ahead and chase after a 14 year old girl, it's cool." Sorry, don't think you're going to find that kind of validation here. It has nothing to do with religious beliefs... it's about what is emotionally healthy for that young girl.

The only encouragement I can offer you is to tell you the story of one of my best girlfriends. She's in her thirties and has been married to her husband for about a year. He's about 2 years younger than she is. Both used to be mormon, but each converted to Lutheran in their mid-twenties. They are very very happy and are great matches, and their faith plays a huge role in their marriage.

And by the way... both were virgins up until their wedding night. It *is* somewhat uncommon, but 27 year old virgin women do exist. I mean, hey, you're living proof that 27 year old male virgins exist, right? And I think that statistically speaking, one is more likely to find a female virgin than a male one.

Happy hunting.

September 14, 2001
11:59 am
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gingerleigh
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oops, one thing I forgot... it doesn't sound like true love is your focus. Virginity seems to be your focus. If true love knows no age limits, it should also know no experience limits, right? Just something to think about.

September 14, 2001
2:38 pm
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Cici
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child,

if you don't mind me asking, what is your definition of love?

I recently got married, in June. Although I love my husband and although we lived together before we married (which I assume you wouldn't approve of), I quickly found out that my assumptions of what marriage is were completely off the mark. Which is why it helped that I had such an open mind, or I would have been completely confused, upset and unhappy.

Real marriage, as I'm sure many on this board and throughout the world can attest to, is completely different from what you dream of, expect, hope for. It more than that, and less than that, and basically a lot more complex than a list a qualities or characteristics.

You also mention Truth....what is Truth? I take it to mean some biblical reference in this context, but who knows.

A happy marriage happens when two people who can tolerate each other's idiosyncracies come together. My Dad told me that, and I laughed. But heck, he's been married over 30 years.

September 15, 2001
7:31 pm
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child
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To, Cici,
The first girl friend I ever had, I don't think I knew what love was. I was too distracted by sexuality. We had an intimate experience with each other , but, only for exploration. After I had my experience it felt like I could see more clearly. I knew I was not inlove with her, so we broke up. My next girlfriend was not about sex.
I have only fell in love twice. The first time I think i fell in love, was, what seemed to me to be fate of the sitiuation....
Let me expain, She was attractive, intelligent, mysterious, and we were indirectly connected through out our lives. She ended up cheating on me with her X boyfriend and dumped me for my best friend. She broke up with him, got pregnant by another guy, then left that guy for another whom she married. When I knew her she was a virgin with apparently no intiimate interest with anyone. At lesast that is what she led me to believe.
The second time I fell in love, well, I still am. And she is too young, I guess my hopes for her was that i could influence her to be a better woman than my previous. I have given up on finding a woman that fits me, so I guess, I think I can make one through influence. I want her to grow up to be the girl of my dreams.
Maybe I still don't know what Love is....
I have heard that it is unconditional and blind....I feel that for this girl ,but, I still am not sure on all aspects of Love.

September 15, 2001
9:54 pm
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sally-anne
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Hi Child,

Love is indeed blind. It is not about moulding someone to fit your ideal. When you love someone, they can fail to meet every expectation you have and you don't care. Love is when you want that person to be happy, because their happiness makes you happy. It is wanting the best for them, and sometimes giving up things to make that happen. Love is when you care so much about that persons welbeing that you put them before yourself. When they hurt, you hurt just as strongly. Loving someone is a wonderful thing. Another person loving you is gift from God.

September 17, 2001
12:46 pm
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Cici
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I doubt you will ever be fulfilled if you try to mould someone to be your ideal mate. And they will probably be unhappy, too, because you love something that they aren't.

One of the first major arguments I had with my husband stemmed from this idea. I had begun to feel like he didn't really love ME, but some ideal "me" that he had built up in his head. In fact, this was a warning sign to me of romance addiction.

Why not talk to your parents, older family members and married friends, about what they think about love? It will perhaps help you understand the realities of love in a more forceful way than people just telling you from afar that what you have described is not True Love, as it were (if such a thing exists).

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