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Troubled Waters
January 4, 2002
11:42 am
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JeffBlade
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September 27, 2010
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Me and my girlfriend have been going out for about 2 years now. I"m 19 and she is 17. At first I was in High school and so was see, it was great, then I went to college, I was there for 3 days a week and came home to her, but had to work she went out with her friends, it wasn't too bad, Now this year, I work and have college an hour away and see her maybe 2 days a week. She is very negative and jealous. She is down to pretty much no friends, cuase she always finds flaws in them and it don't work out. She dont' like any of my friends and says that they take me away from her. My friends also don't like her, mainly becuase I complain about her 75% of the time, how she is bitching becuase I go out w/ my friends. But the only time I go out with them is when i'm up at college and I can't see her anywaz. Long story short. She goes to school, then comes home, stays at home, as lots of time to think about everything, and get depressed and worried. On the other hand I have school from 8-2, and work from 3-10 and then call her, every night. We talk for an hour or so. The conversation is always flowing and smooth, unless she knows i'm going out with my friends she gets very mad, and tries little things all the time to keep me from going. When all im' doin is going like 1 mile down the road to play pool. I don't party or anything. My friends would like me to, but i dont'. But she keeps me on the phone and does it unpurpose until I hang up on her, sometimes, then she calls me and calls me, and it's not fair to me or my friends. It seems just becuause she dont' have a life outside of me i'm not allowed to , and i'm 19, I can't do that. I care about my friends too, and it's not fair to them. It's starting to get very bad now and I don't know what to do. It could be the maturity level, and the fact that she never expericaned it but I can't take much more , but I do love and care about her very much. In july she is out of school and we could live together, but will that make it better or worse??? please give me some solid advice.

January 4, 2002
12:07 pm
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Molly
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Ever heard the term co-dependent? What you described as your girl friends behavior sure sounds like she is what they call co-dependent. She has made you her life, her support, her happiness, yada yada yada. this will just get worse. She needs to get more of a life, and you.... Your just a baby. You need to go out there and live, date, and date means going out with several different people to see just what a potential mate might some day look like for you. this isn't it. This sounds like a ball and chain. I would break up with her, I know that sounds harsh, but give her the space to see how she is smothering you, and you go out and get some fresh air !!! Move in together, hah!!!! The next thing you know she will trap you into pregnancy, and walah......the end of your freedom. You shouldn't think about setteling down until your 30. Get out there with your friends, and see the world, taste everything, build up some savings, buy your toys, boats cars, bikes, gym equipment. Discover who you are, so that when you are older and do meet a balanced independent person, who brings something to the relationship rather than suck you dry, you will be ready to be a committed partner. If you do decide to go out and live, be prepared for her to call relentlessly, e-mail, even show up at school, and beg your forgivness, beg you to take her back, expect her to make threats if you don't . Because she has made you her life she will act like this is gonna kill her, but she will live, and learn if she chooses too. Its not your job, or responsibility to fix her or any one. So be prepared to not answer your phone. You sound like a really together guy, school, job, friends, find your self an equal. Good luck

January 4, 2002
12:58 pm
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JeffBlade
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September 27, 2010
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Hey I would like to add some stuff to what I said , Just din'dt know how long to make it, for the first paragraph or so. A couple of things actually. I'm sometimes do feel like i'm a parent and have to take care of her. I feel so bad inside when I think about letting her go, cuase dont' get me wrong we do have good times but, it's very very hard I never felt anywhere close to this about anyone before i'm really confused. Here are some examples of things she would do though: She would fall asleep at my house, she has to be home at 11, I get her up at 10:30, or try to I mean, I patiently ask her to awake, she yells and freaks out like she is 3 years old, And I get a temper and get cocky cuase all i'm doin is trying to help her, then I go sit at the computer and she tells me how i'm soo mean and ignorant, becuase I yelled, but She started yellin, just becuase I try to get her up. This has happened about 50 times or so , no exageration. Always by the end I feel bad for her cuase she is crying, and i comfort her and I dont' want to. Finally last night I told her to just get out after this has happened and she forcefully tried to turn me over and listen to her side of the story , when this happened like 50 times , and I stood my ground and acted heartless for about 2 hours , and finally cracked again, but I didn't want to. Cuase I just feel bad for her like she is sort of pathetic, even though I dont' like to say that. I'm really confused. And everyone else that I talk to feels bad for me, cuase they don't like her, and thinks she treats me bad. But I think I love her. please give me some more advice, thanx

January 4, 2002
1:07 pm
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Molly
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Hear your own words, you feel like a parent, is this what you want? Then just say no, the drama is manipulation. I am sure you have very strong feelings, and this is really hard for you, but try to think of this as well, puppy love. Maybe its just not meant to be, to close to soon. Listen to your friends, there are lots of fish in the sea, and your still so very young. Draw your boundry line, and hold firm, her drama with the sleep thing is going to carry over most likely into all areas where you take controll, is this romance I ask you ????

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