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11:08 am
September 30, 2010
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I thought I was fine – really and truly I did. Something hit me full in the face today and I realized it’s a symptom of my greater problems. Damn, damn, damn!!!!!! I swear, not only do I keep leaking out of the same places, but when I seem to have one hole plugged, I start leaking somewhere else!!! This is so frustrating!!! My eating is good – don’t feel tempted to binge. I’ve passed up chocolate even! But I’m looking at my bank account today. I got paid yesterday, and I STILL only have $200. How can that be? I look further. Well…… I borrowed money from petty cash, my son, and a loan company last week just to make ends meet (after pretty much doing whatever I wanted to). So I paid them all back. Okay, that was about $200. I bought dinner last night, bought my daughter’s Halloween costume, ran to the store for a “few” items. But, heck, that didn’t cost all that much. Put gas in the car – ouch! Still, that might account for a couple of hundred. Uh-oh – there it is. On top of borrowing money, I actually “bounced” 6 transactions, at $34.00 apiece. What the hell is wrong with me????? I’m not stupid. I chose to ignore my bank account. I chose to buy things I wanted (namely books and lunches out, pretty much), give my kids money whenever they asked for it, whatever. In any case, I was irresponsible! And I haven’t paid a single bill in a month.
But I know me. Money is another area in my life where I am hanging on by a thread. It’s also a way I can be passive/aggressive because I have a resentment that Mark does not (cannot) handle our finances, and doesn’t make enough money to do more than pay the mortgage and car insurance. But of course, it’s a clear case of biting off one’s nose to spite one’s face. Now I’m INCREDIBLY stressed about what I have to do with this $200. It’s impossible actually. I have to buy groceries for 6 people for 2 weeks. Amy’s birthday is the 27th, and I have to get her at least a little something. Sheila needs money for a school trip. I promised to get a birthday cake to bring to my sister’s party (for amy). Kids need lunch money for 2 weeks. I’ll probably end up borrowing from Adam again.
I can’t feel sorry for myself because I DID this to myself. This isn’t a one-time thing either. It’s definitely a pattern for me. I’m not sure exactly where it comes from, but I know I need to get a handle on it.
Probably more than you wanted to know, right? It makes me feel like a failure again – defeated by my own stupidity.
jill
11:16 am
September 29, 2010
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Be gentle with yourself. Beating yourself does not accomplish resolving the financial budget. When I was short on income, I lived by my budget. Maybe that could be a step towards a brighter future and higher self esteem!
11:37 am
Members
September 27, 2010
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What helped me was going to Consumer Credit Counseling. Just talking with the counselor and getting things down on paper already was a good start. Now, I keep all my receipts and write down everything I spend in my notebook including little things like the newspaper I buy once a week. I found it was easy to get into this habit. I make sure I always get my receipts and I look them over to be sure they're correct. Many times I've been able to go back to the store and get money back because I was over charged for something. Also, keeping the receipts many times I was able to take something back that I couldn't use, clothing that didn't quite fit right etc. The extra money from those items helped, too.
11:43 am
Members
September 27, 2010
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I meant to mention that sometimes we have something we can give for a gift. I've bought extra things on sale which I later used for gifts when the need was there. I do use coupons sometimes though I don't always remember to do that so I could improve in that area, too. It is amazing how we can cut down here and there and actually feel good about it. Hope this helps.
5:09 pm
September 29, 2010
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Jastypes,
I can totally relate with you. I have so many things I need to work on I don't know if I will ever be normal. Or is having all these problems really normal and I am reaching for abnormal? I cannot seem to manage my money at all either. Your story sounds just like mine. God help us. It is very tramatic for me as well. Budgets are great for about 2 weeks, them I blow them. Is there hope? If you find any answers, please let me know.
P.
6:57 pm
September 30, 2010
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Yeah, me 2. Although w/ my recent "breakthrough" w/ my situation i have no choice but to not spend my money eratically. I have found that that was how i "coped" with my unhappiness. Everytime my bf did something that made me mad, or if he reverted back to his old behavior, i would just go to target, mervyn's , and just spend money on crap i didn't even need. Funny thing, since i stood up 4 myself and he is in jail, i no longer feel the need to spend my money. I went to target and for the first time in i don't know how long i bought only diapers, dish soap, and my daughter's little gerber snack....stuff i actually needed. I was very proud of myself. I haven't even had the temptation to go spend. Good thing. I am getting there, slowly but surely. 🙂
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