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Trouble Letting Go
May 20, 2005
2:57 pm
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kcroc72
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I really need some help learning when enough is enough. My story is not un common and I was in a LTR for 8 years when my partner found an intrest in a friend of my that I worked with. I was asked to leave my home that we shared for 8 years and my 2 step daughters so that he could have the space to find out if he really was still in love with me. He now claims that he loves me but is in love with this other person yet still emails me and asks me to help pay bills. I have been saying no to the money part as of this month. But you think since I have been so hurt and betrayed I would find it so easy to just let him go. I guess I dont know how. Or I am stupid to think that maybe he will come back to me. I wonder alot how I will be able to go on this way. I am so lost and confused. Its only been 2 months since I left but I am afraid to move on.

May 20, 2005
3:09 pm
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kc30
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Hi kcroc,
If this is any consolation, I believe that 2 months is just a tiny drop in a big bucket after 8 years together. I would give you a big pat on the back for saying no to the money already!! Good for you!

My husband cheated and left me...it took me about 10 months to really let go...there are a lot of feelings to get through before we can let go.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally...acceptance/letting go. For me...it took me about 4-5 months just to get angry!

kc

May 25, 2005
11:47 am
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kcroc72
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I guess I felt that I should be over this, I always thought in my head that if someone ever cheated on me that would be the end of it, I would walk away and not look back. But right now I feel so alone and ashamed and guilty for wanting this person who has clearly made his choice. He still "sometimes" tries to tell me he loves me and wants to work on us after he works on himself. Then he acts like I am not even alive. I feel empty inside, Like I have lost everything that has ever meant anything to me. I have even lost myself in this. I have stoped taking phone calls and I have not responded to any emails for 4 days and I feel so guilty, Am I making the right choice?

May 25, 2005
12:00 pm
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lucyndesi
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Dear Kroc72, I find myself in the same boat but, I was w/mine for 6 years & now he started seeing my ex bestfriend & says he's inlove with her...they are not together but, I have ben betrayed & feel so empty like you..I beleive that we are not given more than we can handle but, this is sure one hell of a test. No I think it's normal to still yearn for soemthing we know but, once it's clear and we really see them for who they truly are they won't look so appealing to us anymore. But, for now we must endure the betrayal of flase frienz & lovers and learn the lesson & let them go..I know it is hard but, I believe WE can do it. Take it one day at a time. And remember that when we cry we heal..& when we heal time will let us let them go..& soemthing beautiful will open us !!! Have faith my friend..I wish us strength & peace...lucy

May 25, 2005
12:03 pm
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CAMER
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September 30, 2010
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you can move on if you want to...its only been 2month, which isn't long but seems like the end of the world. Take things hour by hour, and don't get too overwhelmed, you are not alone....and you made it this far, just be easy with yourself, do good things for yourself, and know that you deserve better. And keep posting here!!!

(((camer)))

May 25, 2005
12:11 pm
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codep
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Dont let him suck you back in and keep you waiting on a string. It sounds like he is confused and doesnt know what he wants nor will he ever if he doesnt take the time and space to gather his own thoughts. Once you know for sure that it's just not meant to be it's a lot easier to let go. It took me "stooping to my all time low" to realize that this guy I was so obsessed with wasnt worth it. One phrase that sticks out in my head that someone recently told me was "If your not worth it to him" then "he is not worth it" also, when you find someone worth your tears they will never make you cry!

May 25, 2005
2:34 pm
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kathygy
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Don't let him jerk you around. It only keeps the pain going. An 8 year relationship can take a long time to get over. Be patient with yourself. Break ties with him so you can let go. Focus on loving yourself the way you would love someone you love who is in pain.

May 31, 2005
9:53 am
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kcroc72
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Thank You for all support. I dont know how I made it this weekend. I had alot of time alone and wrote tons in journal and I even wrote them both a letter that I dont intend to send of course but I would love to send. I accepted a phone call from him on friday, He was still what he claims confused, Did the I love you and miss you game. I keep thinking maybe I should just try harder with him give him this space and to have this affair, He will come back to me. Then I think I dont want to waste my time. Its hard for me to think about life without him, But its also hard to think about life with him now. I am more confused than ever about my feelings. I wish I did not feel guilty all the time. I know I am suffering from depression and the things that I am going though with him do not help me feel better about myself when I feel like and I am alone all the time. I feel like giving up sometimes, with all of my confused feelings right now I dont what would be better. Its hard form me to even function at this point. Its amazing I get out of bed. Some days I dont, I just dont find much to be very intresting anymore. I dont watch tv or listen to music it all is depressing to me. I read alot self help books but they depress me sometimes and to think about haveing to do all that work. But I plug along and I hope today will be a bit better for me. Thanks for letting me talk. I dont get to that too much here in my world.

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