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Trip
October 10, 2001
8:04 am
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shades
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Hey I would just like an opinion on this and some advice. My boyfriend and his two brothers are plannin a cross country trip to california. I was invited to go at first. Then one of his brothers wanted no one else to go but them. I think its fucked up. A trip is supposed to be something fun not exclusive, my boyfriend wants me to go, but will not let me because his brother says he doesn't want anyone else to go. HIs brothers are single so they don't care but if they had girlfriends im sure they would be invited. Me and my boyfriend always said we wanted to do that and this is really the only chance we will have. I am so angry. The brother that wants it just to be the guys or whatever, has never had a girlfriend so i don't think he understands others point of view. This is causing fighting in my relationship because im pist that my boyfriend is just going along with it, and they are driving his van to do this. He feels like he doesn't have a say because it wasn't his idea for the trip i think it is all so childish.

October 10, 2001
10:24 am
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laalaa
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Hi Shades,
God that is soooo childish!!
I mean obviously the others didn't have a problem with you going and its only never-had-a-girlfriend-brother that doesn't want you going with them.Why would anyone care if you went with them anyway ,after all you are going out with their brother!! it shouldn't make much difference to them,it wouldn't cramp their style (How many single available females are they likely to encounter on the way....!!).I'm not surprised that its causing problems in your relationship,have u asked your boyfriend if he really wants you there and if he does why not get him to suggest to them that you go with them or you and he will go alone and they will have to find alternative transport? Yeah its childish but it might make them realise how childish they are being 2! After all it is his van and you are his girlfriend! just 'cos it was their idea doesn't mean they can dictate to you and your boyfriend.Thats just my personal opinion and if you don't agree, I still empathise with u,been there too and now we both go or neither of us go,yeah that may seem unfair but hey life isn't fair and neither are females.....JOKE!! Good luck mate hope you sort something out eventually. I'm sat in rainy England bored to death thinking of how much i would love to travel to California...oh well,C'est la vie!!

October 10, 2001
10:37 am
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shades
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If i said to my boyfriend we go or you don't go he wouldn't listen! I think he kinda agrees with his brother because his brother told him this will be their last adventure together and he just wanted the brothers to go....Im friends with the brother too i don't understand why he is being like this???

October 10, 2001
10:54 am
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pill
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You're feeling sort of left out? It's not fair to invite and then back out on the invitation. Perhaps you guys can compromise... like take only part of the trip with your boyfriend and the others, then let them have the rest to themselves (male bonding)... then everyone can win.

October 10, 2001
11:33 am
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Ladeska
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Things are what they are here and you just need to "see it". No. 1 - even if your boyfriend did say - you can go - chances of major fights happening with this other brother are very high. Your trip would probably suck because of this and if your guy doesn't stand up for you now - he wouldn't then either.

So, facts are - your beau is going along with it, he's giving you a line of crap saying anything like - he really wants you to go, blah, blah.

If you guys take a trip - it just needs to be you and him. So, either accept that he's going with them and that you and him can plan one later or dump him over it.

All this drama over you wish he'd change his mind or why did they/he do this, etc., etc. - is just that - needless brainpower used on drama.

So, cut right through the crap with him. You can't make something happen here though. You just have to look at the choices made and use good common sense about it. Yeah, it's a guy's trip - no doubt about it - they want to do single guy things and your guy - is with all that obviously. Is this okay with you or isn't it? If you trust him - then trust him. If you don't then stop the drama and move on. Nagging him won't help and it doesn't look good on you either. Respect yourself and your feelings enough to say - it's this way or it's that, period, end of story and then let him make his decisions.

October 10, 2001
12:38 pm
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gingerleigh
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Oops, I replied to the other "trip" thread. Shades, please have a look. Cheers and good luck.

October 10, 2001
12:48 pm
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Molly
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mee too

October 10, 2001
10:08 pm
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shades
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Thank you all for your advice,,,,I really liked the idea of going on an adventure with my girlfriends that would be nice. We have been living together for 2 years to answer your question. I just feel left out and unwanted and that is not a good feeling. I also don't want to not see my boyfriend for about 3 weeks thats a long time. All of his friends are single i wish they can understand he's not.

October 11, 2001
11:39 am
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gingerleigh
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Three weeks apart sucks, yes. But, it's not unreasonable, so long as you trust him. Time apart is sometimes really good, gives you a chance to focus on areas of yourself that you might not normally get to take care of when he is around. Like chill time with the girls. Besides, denying him something that he obviously wants is just going to push him further away, and he's going to do it if he's got his jaw set on it. Do you respect him enough to make his own plans, choose his own male companions, and stay out of trouble? Or do you feel like you need to be there to take care of him?

These are kind of awkward questions I'm putting to you, so just bear in mind that this is just an outside perspective. Only you know what's going on really in your mind and in the relationship. But from what you've written this sounds more like you are dealing with feelings of abandonment that likely have nothing to do with him, he's just the latest incarnation of this fear.

What do you think?

October 11, 2001
1:05 pm
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silence
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I thought I'd drop a line in here. I can see where his brothers are coming from. Speaking as the designated single guy, it just sucks to be around friends or family for extended periods of time when they have a boyfriend or girlfriend with them. the last thing I want on a 3 week roadtrip is to listen to my friends make out in the backseat while I'm all alone.

Plus this sounds like a total guy thing. There are just some things that guys need to do with each other and not have chicks get in the way. Sure they're probably gonna hit some nudie bars, and do some heavy drinking and gambling (depends where they end up.) But in the end, I'm sure nothing is going to happen that he is going to regret doing. Guys just need to get out and blow off some steam every once in a while.

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