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Tried to help.
August 14, 2006
9:58 pm
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Slipped
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I can't believe that I did it again. Tried to help a man overcome his hesitation in trusting women based on his past experience. Wanted him to be able to trust me. By so doing I encroached on his will. He is not interested in me. I liked him and wanted him to like me. I can't believe that I forgot to let men resolve their own issues. My codependency showed. I came across as desperate and needy. I am embarrassed. I wish that I could communicate the details with someone. This man was my doctor. I have to see him again. I am embarrassed.

August 14, 2006
10:48 pm
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Honolulugal
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Hi Slipped,

Your doctor???? Can you give a few more details?

H-gal

August 15, 2006
6:49 am
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taj64
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There are plenty of doctors around. YOu don't have to to see him unless he is only one around for miles and miles. It doesn't sound to me like he was too professional if he involved himself in a trusting way to you in this manner anyway. Is it not a doctor's responsibility not to get involved with a patient? And if he is not interested than maybe he is trying to respect that boundary.

Im sorry you appeared to be need or desperate. I just means he was not the right one for you.

August 15, 2006
11:32 pm
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Doctor acted like he was pleased that I was attracted to him. I am angry at him for sending me mixed messages. Have to continue seeing him based on my health plan.

August 16, 2006
9:34 pm
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Thank you to Honolulugal and taj64 for
responding. More info: Based on the doctor's attention getting behavior, the doctor got my attention. He seemed pleased that I noticed him.
Now he is cold. So, I regressed to my codependent behavior. Came across as helpless/needy. I have not been codependent in 15 years so my relapse really surprised me.

August 16, 2006
10:16 pm
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Honolulugal
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Hi Slipped,

You're welcome! Frankly, with that behavior, I'd be cold (as much as possible) and matter-of-fact right back.

Show him you are NOT helpless or needy, girl!

August 17, 2006
9:40 pm
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Dear Honolulugal. I plan to be matter-of-fact as you say. What bothers me is how could I have misunderstood his behavior..his sexually suggestive behavior..how could I have been so wrong? He looked at my chest, he looked at my legs. He was so nice and kind to me. He was friendly, funny, talked about weekend coming up, talked about where he is from, talked about that he was in a relationship with an ex-girlfriend in the past. Told me about his favorite sport team, etc. How could I have misunderstood that he was just being nice! Is it possible that maybe he was a little interested in me and then changed his mind because perhaps he found out or realized that he is not interested in an older woman. I just recently found out that he is a little over 10 years younger than me (he looks a lot older). When I found out that he is younger, I too am not interested in him...I did not know his age during all of my appointments/meetings with him. I wouldn't feel as bad about my judgment and myself if I knew that he really was at first interested and then changed his mind vs. he was never really interested and I totally misread him. I will never know the truth.

August 18, 2006
11:15 am
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StronginHim77
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There is a big difference between friendly, bedside manner and being deliberately seductive. Wasn't there a female nurse in the room when he was examining you? There should have been.

I would change doctors, if you can.

August 18, 2006
9:27 pm
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Dear StronginHim77 I had my clothes on the whole time. My appt. consists of just providing a verbal update. Nurse takes my vitals before doctor comes in to the office.

August 18, 2006
9:39 pm
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lovinglife
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Slipped~

I've been reading your thread...its unfortunate that you ending up feeling bad-embarrassed when your doctor sounds to be VERY unprofessional, VERY unprofessional- almost on the lines of an unethical practice. (???)

If my doc started talking about...the weekend coming up, talked about where he is from, and ESP talked about that he was in a relationship with an ex-girlfriend in the past" I'd probaly get the message as you... he was talking on a personal level with you. From the sounds of it- you didn't mis-read him.

August 18, 2006
10:48 pm
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Lovinglife. Thank you for confirming or at least suggesting that another woman in my place might have also come to the same conclusion. I did think that he was talking on a personal level and I blame myself for not knowing that he was just being nice. I do feel embarrassed. These things happen. I need to forgive myself. Your comments have made me feel better.

August 18, 2006
11:51 pm
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lovinglife
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Slipped~ I think Strong is on it when she said..."big difference between friendly, bedside manner and being deliberately seductive."

Ok...question... Have you misread men before? Trying to figure out what reason there'd be for your 2nd guessing of yourself on his approach with you?

And curious to know what info did he share with you about his past relationship (the exgf). That right there seems a little odd and inappropiate for him to be talking about with a patient.

August 19, 2006
12:03 am
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southgoingzax
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If he was just being "nice", he would likely have continued to be nice, laugh off the "mistake" you made, and try to smooth everything over so you didn't feel embarassed. He didn't do that - he's acting like a jerk now, which suggests he was one all along. IMO, therefore, this is not at all your problem or your fault, slipped! I hope you can find another doctor if you can,

zax

August 19, 2006
12:15 am
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lovinglife
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good point Zax!

August 19, 2006
11:47 am
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Slipped
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I must be explaining everything wrong. Doctor would call me lets say to discuss the results of a blood test, etc. he would not say "This is doctor Smith (not his real name) he would say, "May I speak to Catherine?" I would say, "This is Catherine." He would say, "Hi, John Smith..." He used his name. Did not say Doctor Smith. He used his first and last name. After many, many months he would say "this is Doctor John Smith" and now he is saying "Dr. Smith". He went from first and last name to doctor first name and last name and now to doctor last name only.
He seemed physically attracted to me while I was in his office. Looked at my bust. Like a man would do when he likes what he sees and seemed interested in what he saw. He told me that he lived with his ex girlfriend in Europe and that he wanted to marry her. He said it with such emotion in his voice. That's when I knew that he was rejected by her and that he may have trouble trusting women due to his past relationship. I wanted him to be able to trust me because I am trustworthy. Do you think that he just felt comfortable with me to just tell me about himself?

August 19, 2006
12:07 pm
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Lovinglife and Zax. I have never misinterpreted a man's intentions before in my life. That is why I am so hard on myself now. In the past, I have had the experience of being a pt. and having a doctor asks me out on a date (after being a pt. for a year) We dated for a while. I did not want to continue dating him so I ended the relationship. I thought that the same dynamics were occuring with this present doctor.

August 19, 2006
1:09 pm
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lovinglife
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Slipped~ Oh,I totally think your doc did you totally wrong...and believe Zax confirmed my feeliings!!

You should not feel embarrassed whatsoever and don't be so hard on yourself...

August 19, 2006
5:48 pm
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StronginHim77
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Isn't it against their Code of Ethics to date a patient?

August 19, 2006
6:37 pm
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To: Strong:It is against the Code of Ethics for a Psychiatrist, Psychoanalyst, Psychologist to date a pt. while a pt. Even these professionals are allowed to date a former pt. after one year.

August 19, 2006
6:44 pm
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To: Lovinglife I don't know what to say other than perhaps the doc. changed his mind which is OK. I am a little embarassed but I do not have to be ashamed. I did nothing wrong.

August 20, 2006
1:23 pm
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I wish that some men out there would reply. I wish that I could get a man's perspective.

August 20, 2006
1:42 pm
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After a year, eh? I didn't know that. Hmmmmmm.....I really liked that psychologist I saw last year for the "ex." Hmmmmm......

August 20, 2006
8:13 pm
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To: Strong. Sounds like you are considering going after the psychologist.

August 20, 2006
8:16 pm
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Any men out there? Need to know what goes on in a man's mind. What/how he thinks when he meets someone that he finds attractive.

August 25, 2006
7:46 pm
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Thank you to all that responded nto my thread. I guess there are no men at this time who can offer me a male's perspective.

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