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Tried it all with someone? Feeling guilty for telling another person your issues?
August 3, 2004
11:57 pm
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Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
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I've done everything I think I can do with a friend and realize I just have to ACCEPT a lot of things and let go of my desire to CHANGE someone!

But that frustration rankles inside and I find myself "spilling my feelings" on certain others for attention and understanding of my frustrations. Feeling guilty, but knowing anything I've said about the friend I've already said to the friend's face, so it's not like I'm "saying something nasty behind their backs!"

Too darned sensitive here, and realizing my hot buttons are becoming warmer and warmer and toward "cool" in many respects related to the friends behaviors that bug me.

Learning to try to let go and just accept it and understand.

But this certain friend keeps throwing "hostile" things at me which I recognize and I'm valuing so much of the friendship but annoyed by a part of it.

Sound familiar to YOU? How have you handled such annoyances and being over analytical to the point of not sleeping well!


August 4, 2004
1:05 am
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Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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Since you gave me some hope let me share with you. Since I have been around recovery and still.....have issues will I ever arrive at perfect? "Part of my issue". I have 10yrs total and still working on it!
I vent today because I know that it's ok today that.
Just because I am feeling this way today tomorrow is another day.

I talk about what is going on with me not to be validated because I know I am the only one that can really do that.
I do it to vent and clear my head. Old tapes still run sometimes.
Whatever anyone wants to call it.
It is what it is. It is damn hard to have a relationship. Mending broken relationships are even harder.

I have been single for 10ys now.
Had one relationship with a Counslor
Great guy! Still a good friend worse relationship I ever had..
I became so co...it was awful.
We both hated each other.
He is a co too. Lasted almost 2yrs.
Off and on. Both had control issue's

Still talk to him and see him on a friendship only. Even though he was a counslor and degreed and very good at what he does. Director for Center.

Talk about a split up from hell. Anger , gossip (same friends) we had. Sucked
for both of us. He still ask me out for weekends however now we do healthy.
Nothing other friends.He talked about
me to just about to everyone and visa versa. We both laugh about it now.
Was not so funny at the time.
I happen to know that he talks about all his issue's still. Has to be careful to whom. Because the treats so many clients in that area.
Never about his clients.Just about himself. So I think it's normal if there is such a thing..To me it's the setting on the dryer.

However losing sleep over whats running in your head can be awful.
So I quess venting would help.
Or maybe writing, going to a group.
Or comming here.
I don't feel guilty for being human anymore.
Screw Guilt!!!!

August 4, 2004
9:13 am

Forum Posts: 29
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
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Yes, I have a long time friend who throws hostile comments at me even though we can talk for hours on many interesting topics. In the past I have usually gotten on the defensive about it, but I want to find a better way to deal with it should it occur again. I have the Four Agreements posted up where I can see them from the book. One of them is to not take anything personally. That what others say and do is a projection of their reality, not anything because of us so we could ideally become immune to what they say and end our sufferring as feeling like victims. I just don't know how yet. Do we just ignore the comments like we didn't hear them knowing that we are not going to take them personally anyway? I like the comment about not feeling guilty for being human anymore because I think that is what I've been doing even though I tell myself I'm only human and make mistakes like anyone else.

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