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torturing myself--why???
December 12, 2001
11:32 am
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jb489
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December 12, 2001
11:36 am
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jb489
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Hi there,
It's me again. Thought I was doing ok and going forward-I took about 20 steps backward. Molly-I don't know why I did it but I called the girl John cheated on me with and boy the stuff she told me cut deeply. Why am I still holding on the love affair that was so beautiful with John and I when it is over? I am having a hard time letting go and can't figure out why. My little girls are so hurt and sad about him "abandoning them" shouldn't that be enough to push him out of my heart? I would think so. I am very angry at him but still love him. I want to find a way to forget about him. I filled out all the divorce papers but can't bring myself to file. I'm a mess. Please help.
Michele

December 12, 2001
12:07 pm
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Molly
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Michele, the pain sucks, the dissapointment in the fantasy, the words cut like a knife, observing the confusion in your daughters faces , as well as the difficulty trying to explain something you can't comprehend, far less justify, just has to be hell for you. But you just have to have faith in you. You have to know that he is the one that broke his word, and ultimately he will have to deal with his consequences, turn it over to your higher power.
So what did this home wrecker have to say to you? I understand your call, not the brightest thing in the world to subject your self to, but totally understandable. People think sometimes more about their pets than they do about kids, but ultimately they take their pets to the pound, or turn them loose on the streets as well. When people cross the line on integrity, there is no stopping them, they only think of them selves, its a sick self centered agenda, where they find justifacation in everything they do to support that agenda, with no regard to the mess they leave in their wake. Evil is evil, and would just love to hear how he would explain it to them.
the only real suggestions that I can render today for you is ---- ok, your fifteen minuets on the pity pot are over, its war. Get those papers in there, and go for blood. what consideration does he deserve ? What do you think it would be like if he showed up on your door step tommorow? How long would you feel safe, secure, and confident, that he is a new man, that he has found the error of his ways, and promises to be the faithful loyal loving husband and father that he knows he should, get that should be, and can be? Get that fairy dust out of your head, smack smack. I know the holidays are like a twist of the knife in something that would be painful any how, but put on your shield of armour, and to the Zena warrior princess routine. Make this the best loving holidays for your girls, if your on the pity pot, your girls are missing both parents, so shake your head, get those thoughts gone, and make holiday. Get your personal circle of support going, have a kids party, get those other moms involved too, get all the female support you can find,DO NOT LET THIS CHEATER CONTINUE TO SUCK UP YOUR POWER. You just vent all of that toxic crap right here, and we will do the rest, help you make a list of all the reasons you should be angry, all of the reasons you are better off with out him, and all the suggestions we can figure out how to stay busy while healing from this experience. I hear by declare the torture time over, ok??? Let me hear you, torture time is over. Life begins today. (((( Michele)))) Now go put some ice on your eyes. Put a pot of spice tea on, and sip as well as make the house smell delicious.

December 12, 2001
1:07 pm
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jb489
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Thanks Molly,
I know that I have to let go and get off the pity pot. It's so hard to understand and I know I probably never will. It was like she knew my and John's whole love history from the very beginning. It was like he was reliving our love through her by all that she told me. Every detail she spoke of made me remember quite vividly our time(s) together. I am having a hard time shaking this and I so badly want to. I can't stand the pain anymore. I know how strong I am and I know that noone is worth any of this pain. He broke my heart :o(. I'm sorry that I am sounding so pathetic right now but I just want to get it out. I have so much emotion inside of me I don't know how to let it go. Why am I holding on so tightly? I took my vows seriously "for better or worse" wouldn't this constitute the worst?
UGGGGGHHHHHH
Molly-it just hurts so bad!!!! How do I forget about him, how do I move on? Everything I do and see and hear reminds of my life/love with and for him. It's killing me inside. I have taken a leap back unintentionally and can't seem to jump back up. It is so heavy. Please help me to help myself and my girls!!!

December 12, 2001
2:24 pm
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stressed1
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I feel your pain.
Taking it one day at a time is the best. And always remember it is always going to be his loss.

You need to take control for the sake of your kids. What are their ages??? I am a single mom of a 8 and 9 year old and have been divorced from a cheater for 6 years so my kids were pretty little. But with it being Christmas time and all they really need you to make this special for them. It will be a rough holiday, but only you and help make things better for them and yourself.

I wish you the very best of luck. And one day you will get over him.

December 12, 2001
3:34 pm
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Molly
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your allowed to be pathetic with out apology here right now. You know you can't keep it up for ever, so go ahead and get it all out. Once you have mourned it, then you can move on, we all move at a different pace. you do need to get a hold of that monkey brain that keeps dragging you back over to the shoulda woulda coulda stuff, the pink and blue fantsies, the good times. try to remember the bad times.
Most guys that are cheating have to tell the homewrecker something good, how else would she take a cheater? Unless she really is a scandolus b****, she is going to be in for it, his guilt is going to catch up with him one of these days, and who knows how he will act out on it. right now he is burying his reality in the new fantasy, they do that real well, while your picking up the pieces and facing the girls every day.
The only way to get through it, is to keep moving, keep busy its that down time that kills ya, when your mind drifts. So, 10 more minuets of crying today, and that is it. Get angry, didnt' he sorta piss you off ? He lied, he cheated, he abandonded, he betrayed, he gossiped, he is a wienie. A little wienie, that thinks he can walk out on a wife, and two children, and go shack up with a responsibility free bimbo, common, get some anger working here girl, call that lawyer, and ask for more money, he has been spending community funds on this broad for how long? How long has the wienie been lying to you and your daughters, how many others did he cheat with before he found a sucker, ugh pardon that pun, common get angry. John is a wienie, not a big wienie, but a pitiful little wienie, and not even close to a man. The really good thing is broken hearts heal quickly, and when they mend, they are better than they were before. Did you get the tree yet? you got something to do to day don't you ? I am sure this is hard, but you have to get up and move, and do, and live. Success is the best revenge, the best healing, when you have wienie wounds. Common, your gonna live, wienie wounds only kill you if you let them. Keep posting, when you can.

December 12, 2001
6:45 pm
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jb489
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Thanks Molly,
I called him and confronted him with the new information that I had. He never denied anything, did hearfeltly feel bad for me but didn't try to get me back. Funny as it may sound I sort of have a little (and I mean little) peace having had been honest with him telling him that I know everything. I do know he hasn't been in contact with her since early October but it doesn't change the fact that he was unfaithful, promising her things so she would wait for him to get off the pot and end things with me. Yes I am horribley sad and devestated but I know that my wounds will heal. It is just so difficult to say goodbye to someone I was and still am truely in love with. He and I shared so much, became so close. I will gain my strength again it will just take some time. I put the tree up a couple weeks ago but am so not into the spirit. It's a front for the kids.
Thanks for being there it means alot to be able to talk and let it out without judgement. I'm sorry I'm crying and can't really see that well. I'll come back later. my email is [email protected]
Me

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