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Too Scared - From Zinnie
February 10, 2004
6:46 pm
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Zinnie
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HI TS,

I looked for the original thread where I asked you how close to Dallas you are, but I cannot find it. Do you mind if I ask again? How is your Daddy doing? How is the job going?

Love,

Zinnie

February 10, 2004
7:23 pm
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tooscared
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Hi Zinnie. I wrote back to you but can't remember what thread it was on now. I don't mind answering again though. I live about 3-4 hours north of Dallas. We have gone to Arlington, Texas before to go to Six Flags with our kids. We have also gone to Dallas for a weekend getaway a time or two.

My dad is doing ok. He is healing from his surgeries, but apparently when he was on the operating table where they spread his legs out has caused a problem with the pelvic bone and the cartilage in front of it. He can barely walk without a lot of pain. He has a physical therapist that came out today and figured out where his pain was coming from and told my parents that he would try a new treatment on Dad the next time which should help. I sure hope so because my mom is going pretty crazy with waiting on him hand and foot plus she hates to leave the house for long and leave him by himself. She is pretty much trapped in their own prison with how Dad is right now. I think his Zoloft is helping his moods a little though so that is better news.

As far as my preschool job, I like the less pressure and stress of this job. I don't quite feel comfortable there yet and am not sure how the teachers I work with feel about me. I am trying to make sure to pull my fair share of the workload and be a good teacher with the kids. I get anxious in new situations and I tend to get small panick attacks sometimes, but I am learning to talk myself through them and get stronger.

How are you feeling? So did you get your hair cut today? I think you are very amazing with all of this and I think Lisa is amazing as well. I get scared for you sometimes, but I know that God is watching over you and your family.

February 10, 2004
7:30 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi TS,

Have to make this short, as I'm on my way out the door to get my hair buzz.

But, you had written before you guys were not really happy with you Dad's Dr.

I know three hours is a trek - but if you ever want a good Dr. - Dr. Jose Burbano in Carrollton is the best. He is my family Dr. Any other Dr. I have had to see over the years for all of this, including the Dr.'s at MD Anderson all say the same thing. "He is the best diagnostic Dr. in the North Texas area - and his patients love him." Which is true.

Will write more later...

Z.

February 10, 2004
11:49 pm
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Zinnie
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HI TS,

Just got back from getting my buzz cut. The top is only about 1/2 inch and standing straight up. LOUD boy barked at me when he first saw me.

Sorry to hear that about your Dad. I know it has to be rough on your Mom too. Are you the only one close who can go and "relieve" her?

Sounds like you are settling in at your new job. Funny how a new job can stress us out - even when we know we are qualified for it.

I have to testify in a trial tomorrow and I'm nervous, although I have done it hundreds of times for the same thing. Like you, I get panic attacks from time to time, and although I have read the file and I know what I need to do I'm still nervous.

For me, taking deep breaths helps. I'm sure the other teachers are impressed with your work. It just takes a bit to settle in doesn't it? I always fee like the first few days I'm sitting on display or something.

Thanks for asking after my health. The big test will come at the end of the month with my blood work. I can't say that I'm feeling any better, actually worse - but we have to make the best of it. So... funky hair and all - off I go.

Love,

Zinnie

February 11, 2004
10:27 pm
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I didn't see where you had posted again Zinnie until tonight. Sorry about that.

I feel kind of guilty because I can't really relieve my mom that much with my dad because they live 2 hours away. I went down several times when he was in the hospital and have been to the house a few times. But it is really hard with my husband gone all the time and my kids in school. I feel very torn. So, I try to call, email or instant messenger with my mom almost every day. They live in a small town and don't really have much support. I hate that small town and hated growing up there, but my grandpa still lives there too so my mom is taking care of her dad and my dad. She really doesn't have a life right now except as caregive. I really don't know how to help her except let her know that I care.

I think I read on coffeehouse or another thread that you made it through testifying at the trial. That must be very hard to do when you are feeling so lousy.

I bet your new "do" looks just fine. Sounds like LOUD didn't quite know what to think. I am sure that he just loves you anyway though. I will be very glad when these treatments are over for you.

Thanks for the Dr.'s name. My parents live 2 hours even farther away though and are very set in their ways. They need to switch urologists and for some unexplainable reason they keep going back to this jerk who messed Dad around in the first place.

The preschool job is getting a little better and I am glad to have it. I need the steady work and the routine. Too many things in my life are not what I want them to be and I need something steady to count on. I wish it were for the rest of the school year, but I am thankful for the 10 weeks I get to have this job. And hopefully if I want it to be permanent then next year it won't be a problem.

Take care and get some rest.
Love, TS

February 11, 2004
11:48 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi TS,

Yes, made it through testifying. I don't know why I'm feeling so bad, although I think it's the combo of the increased chemo dosage and possibly a bit of a flu. I'm off this week, except for my appearance today so I'm trying to rest as much as possible.

Yes, I know folks can really get "set" in their ways can't they? The guy that cuts my hair had me in tears telling me about his parents coming to visit from West Texas.

Glad to hear that you are settling in more at your job. I'm sure if you really like it and express the interest to go permanent - they will snatch you right up!

How much longer will your husband be traveling?

Z.

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