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too much acid?
March 18, 2000
5:55 pm
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silverdaisy
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well theres not much to say i was hopeing someone out there could tell me if problems i am haveing are acid related. i seem to skits out at times for no reason getting extreamly scared and not being able to make scence of anything.i know its not flashbacks cause they can last for hours.it all started one night from takeing a lot of moriphine. i spent the next week so scared to be touched.that was after a week of frying reall hard and not letting myself come down. so i wonder if its the combination of both.if you can relate or know what is going please let me know.

March 19, 2000
5:50 am
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hazza
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Hey there silver,
i am no doctor, but i do strongly believe through my own experience and that i have seen in others i know that drug-taking can in people who are naturally that way inclined anyway, lead to PANIC ATTACKS, i think maybe this could be what you are experiencing.
I used to smoke tons of dope and do the occasional acid tab, i am convinced that this played a major part in me developing anxiety disorder. Now i don't say that everyone who does a lot of drugs get this, cos they dont all, but if like me, you are prone anyway to having, for want of a better word, a nervous disposition, then the feelings of being high and out of control can quicklyu turn to panic, or as we call it sometimes, a bad trip!

The mind has a very acute ability to remember emotions, if you feel panic in a situation, then your mind will remember that and the next time you are in a situation that your mind considers "similar" it will go through all those feelings you had before, those fears that you had say, during a bad attack can be triggered in future events.

I will give you an example.
My mother one day was given a pain killer for her back problems by the doctor, it was an opiate based drug, which at the time neither she nor the doctor realised that she was intolerant of these kind of drugs.
She took the drug and had a bad reactionto it and ended up in the emergency room, this is a lady who has never even been drunk so the feeling she had of "tripping out" on this drug frightened the pants off her. When she was in the emergency room, they ran tests on her blood, her blood showed high levels of the opiate and they basically accused her of being a drug addict, nothing she said could convince them that she was having a reaction, they talked to her like she was scum. My mother had emotional problems with this becuase her own mother was an addict and she (my mother)was so anti-drug, the thought of being accused of being an addict while she was in that state was too much to bear. This whole event did her head in so much that it started off her series of panic attacks.

If like me and my mother, you have spent your life trying to control the fears that you live with on a day to day basis, then sometimes, frighteniong events can be a catalyst for panic attacks to come. it is like your body feels that amount of fear one time, and after that it is difficult for your mind to forget that that level of fear exist and you constantly fear ever feeling that awful again, so your mind is hyper sensitive to any situation that may bring it on and gets triggered into panic more and more easily.

When you subject this kind of mind to the constant ups and downs of drug taking, then things just get plain fucked-up for your poor old mind to cope with. Simple as that it doesn't know if it is coming or going. The mind chemistry is a delicate thing and when we interfere with it, it sends all kinds of things haywire.

I no longer engage in any activity that alters my mood, because my mind is so suseptable to panic these days that i need to keep a clean mind just to cope and re-educate my mind on what it is to feel calm and relaxed naturally.

I can honestly say, that the more sober i become, the more i realise that my poor old brain never had a chance to normalise before. I have always been a panicky person to a degree, but constantly being out of my mind for years like i was, never gave my brain a chance to build a healthy sober pattern of what relaxed was.

It is really advisable that if you are still taking drugs, then stop! but that is obvious really. How to go about doing that if you havent already is another story all together, which many other people here may be able to help you with.
But if what you are suffering right now are panic attacks then you will need all you wits about you to learn to get through and not fear them any more until you re-educate you mind into a healthier way of thinking.

You need to ask yourself a few questions.
what are you running away from from, when you take the drugs?

Are you happy?

chances are, these attacks are a way of you mind letting you now that the lifestyle you are leading is not the one you really want.

it is bloody hard work, learning to remain sober and face the things that scared you, but if you don't you end up being rules by these attacks.

Have you changed becuase of these attacks, have you stopped going places becuase you are afraid of feeling that way again?

I have spent 6 years of my life a prisoner to all this crap and fianlly have decided enough is enough. I wan to be able to go about my life without these awful feelings. But it takes time and hard work. People who don't suffer do not understand what feeling intense fear for hours does to your mind and body, if they did, you would get them patronising you and telling you "its all in your mind, just ignore it" or other such rubbish, after all we all know it is "in our mind" the point is just battling between your logical and emotionally tired mind all day is a struggle in itself.

So get yourself to a doctor and make sure that this is nothing physical. gat your blood checked for thyroid problems, and work out with your doctors help if what you are suffering may be anxiety. that is your first step. you will know yourself, if what i have said sounds close to what you feel and your doctor will be able to rule out any other things that may be causeing the attacks. tackle the drug issue, do these feelings only come when you have been using drugs? write a journal of how you are feeling each day, look for patterns. write down what you eat, everything, do you feel worse if you have had a lot of sugar or caffeine? all of this obviously comes after seeing your doctor, but there is much work you can do for your own recovery from these things IF it is anxiety. So find out what you think it is first and let me know, firstly if you are still using drugs and secondly what you doctor thinks it is. But what ever is causing these feelins, the way forward is in your own two hands, you must take control and determine yourself that you will find a way through it to a happier attack free life. I can promise you that despite the hard work, i feel happier now that i have ever done becuase i am taking my own recovery in my own 2 hands and working towards it.

Whatever is up with you, you need to get off the drugs, you know that really don't you. talk to us all here, we can help you with all of this as much as we can, but you need to have that determination in yourself that you want change, when you have that, many things become possible that you didn't think you could ever cope with, i know becuase i have seen it happen time and time again.
Peace to you and best of luck. keep us updated

March 20, 2000
9:41 am
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Cici
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Hey, what's up?

I'm a recovering addict. I was into ecstasy and coke and heroin, mostly, I stayed away from tripping because I think about things too much as it is.

I know from all my old partying friends that A LOT of drug users end up with anxiety disorders and get panic attacks. Some of them end up getting meds for bipolar disorder (manic-depressive) and a lot are depressed. If you fuck with your brain chemistry, it'll hurt you in the long run. I have problems with mood swings and anxiety attacks myself.

I used to eat a lot of pills, whatever I could get my hands on, and my boyfriend was a dealer, he just fed me pills, too. After a night of rolling, I would stay up until like 3-4pm donig whippits and eating more beans, then I would eat a handful of painkillers or downers to make me go to sleep. I would sleep for like a day and a half and then wake up and feel completely shitty for the next week. If you tweak out, you pay the price. Bottom line. You can go a few times and be ok, but after long-temr usage, you're going to be hurting.

March 25, 2000
11:49 pm
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silverdaisy
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hi everybody.thank you for trying to help.i think it is very sweet.iwonderif it is just anxiety attacks it seems like it could be. the thing is i dont want to go to a doctor at all. i dont like them or trust them at all. i dont really abuse drugs any more. probably just the lack of access around here since i just moved. i do drink not often but when i do its till i pass out. i also still smoke pot but thats not anything bad at all.im happy like this only doing the few things i do. i was wondering is there anything i can do to make it go away. or it just something that i am going to have to deal with? and if i can do something do i need to have some doctor or proffessional to do it cause id very much rather not. anyway thanks much for the responses and the support.
petra

March 25, 2000
11:49 pm
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silverdaisy
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hi everybody.thank you for trying to help.i think it is very sweet.iwonderif it is just anxiety attacks it seems like it could be. the thing is i dont want to go to a doctor at all. i dont like them or trust them at all. i dont really abuse drugs any more. probably just the lack of access around here since i just moved. i do drink not often but when i do its till i pass out. i also still smoke pot but thats not anything bad at all.im happy like this only doing the few things i do. i was wondering is there anything i can do to make it go away. or it just something that i am going to have to deal with? and if i can do something do i need to have some doctor or proffessional to do it cause id very much rather not. anyway thanks much for the responses and the support.
petra

March 26, 2000
1:41 pm
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janes
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Here's what I hear you saying....

"i don't abuse drugs anymore...just pot and that's not anything and alcohol but only til I pass out." This is denial.

Is there something you can do to make it go away? This is the only way and it is not easy...stop doing all drugs of any kind at all!!!!

You don't trust doctors? They would medicate you only for a problem and then with specific dosages. You medicate your self with illegal drugs and pay no attention to doage or physical harm.

If you want the problems to go away...if you see there are still problems..if you drink til you pass out when you do drink..if you still have to change your mental state with pot then YOU ARE NOT REALLY HAPPY.

You may not need to see a medical doctor. I thinkyou do need to seek rehab to change your view of what is good for you and what you are worthy of.

You are much more valuable to yourself and those who love you straight.

Why are you settling for so much less than you deserve and could have?

March 27, 2000
11:16 am
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Cici
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In the end, it's your decision. Pot is actually used medicinally for people with anxiety disorders in the states where it's legal to use in that way. No offense to anyone who might be offended by referneces to the legal use of certain controlled substances. (ok, I admit that I think those people are close-minded, but whatever).

Drinking is a bad idea, period. Don't drink at all. it's bad fror your stomach, brain, liver and kidneys. I say don't drink at all because you're binge-drinking. If you can cut it down to four drinks tops, then you're ok. Otherwise you're behaving in an unhealthy and destructive way.

St. John's Wort and Kava Kava are dietary supplements that can help with anxiety.

March 28, 2000
2:19 am
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silverdaisy
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to janes i wanna say thank you for careing. im trying to deal with my drinking. i had stopped and did it again for one night. but i reallized that it was bad. for me and my family.the pot. no i dont think its a bad thing at all. im not useing it to change my mental state cause im not happy. cause in fact i am happier right now in my life more then i ever have been before. i think that is even the reason why im even trying todeal with any of this.i know the way i drink is very bad. thats why i said it the way i did. because i finally figured how bad it was. but come on dont be down on me for trying to work at myself a little at a time instead of all at once and be happy for me for trying at all.as for doctors im just not trustful tward anybody that i dont know personally. not enoungh to let them tell me what to do in any way. not by someone who really has athority.i like my views on myself and life.those are things i would never change unless it was something that i figured out for myself in my own head. i love myself. more than ever. but all in all thanks.--
----to cici. thanks alot. ill look into both those things. i here you on the alcohol im working on it peace on . your careing is apprieciated-petra

March 28, 2000
5:52 am
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hazza
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Hey Petra,
You are moving in the right direction, well done.

As to the pot, personally I used pot to self medicate because i was not getting anywhere with my life, so for me I could only move on with my life once i had stopped smoking it! But each of us is different, I found after using it for about 10 yrs that instead of calming me, it was having the opposite effect, but then i was doing a HELL of a lot of it! For me, stopping the pot helped an awful lot, but of all the things you could do to your body, if you are only smoking pot, then you will be a hell of a lot better off than you would by drinking and doing acid, so if you can at least stop doing those things then that will really help you. Just please be careful with the pot! watch out that it stays just part of your life, and doesn't become your whole life! it can really creep up on you and you find that you have done nothing except get stoned for the last five years!!! Its a big lovely world out there with lots to see and do! There is definitely more to life than sitting in a room night after night with the same people just smoking! (which is what my life ended up being!!!! sad but true:)))
So best of luck, and please stop drinking period if you cannot drink without bingeing, that will really fuck you up!
Peace
Hazza

March 28, 2000
8:35 am
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Cici
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Great job, Petra! The thing aout stuff like that is that it's good to work on things one piece at a time. Otherwise, you could be overwhelmed and go crashing back into your previous lifestyl. I tried quitting everything cold turkey early last summer and it didn't work. everything fell apart and I started using more than ever because the stress just became too great to bear.

So just take things slow. One day at a time, as they say in AA.

another great thing you can do at home, which my therapist also recommended to me when I started seeing her and I wasn't willing to open up that much, is to start a journal. Write in it at least 10 min. every day, at most 30 min. After your time is up, get up and do something physical. take a walk, vaccuum your living room, whatever gets your mind off what you were writing. It will help you get in touch with yourself and will help you organize your thoughts and feelings in a constructive way. good luck!

PS - there are a lot of internet sites that offer you online private diaries if you like to just deal with computers.

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