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today was the last day i sware!
November 6, 2004
12:08 am
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CANSADAdeTODO
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September 24, 2010
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Well how do i begin my story, i dated this person for 3 years he was a good guy I guess and everything was fine i thought but that was just me lying to my self! He separated me from my friends completly, he prohibited conversations with the opposite sex and every single night i was on the phone with him telling him my entire day step- by - step but i still thought he was an ok guy . well on top of all of these he constantly wanted sex and it got to the point that i gave up on it and i did it everytime he wanted it because i was to say no it really didnt matter, until one day i just couldnt take it anymore and i started crying and he stopped and he asked me what was wrong and he conforted me for a few minutes but we couldnt leave the apartment until ha got what he wanted and we had sex of course! and on mid march of 2004 I broke up with him and the lent before that i told im i had given it up for lent and he didnt believe me he was sure i was cheating on him and it was just so hard to handle and too much pressure that I DID ! so now almost the end of 04 he is still in my life calling me and telling me that its my fault that he can not trust me again and that i am afraid to lose him and that i wont but that i have mental problems and i need to go back to how i was , you know like not saying anything!!! quiet!!! and afraid ... and i telll him what he did worng and he still doesnt think its enough
what do i do ? where do i get the courage to stop talking to him without being scared ?

November 6, 2004
8:24 am
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Anonymous
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Hi and welcome!

This person is a very controlling and manipulating egotist. And a user. I think the best thing you did was to break up. Think of how you felt all that time he was doing this. And it went on until you could no longer take anymore. You have to decide that what you really want is to not be used, talked down to and stick to that decision. Hard as that may be, it can be done. Alot of us have been through the very same thing and some are still struggling with it. You need time away from him to sort out your feelings, take time for you and take care of you. No one deserves that kind of treatment. Hang in there, be kind to yourself and remember: You are the most important person in this, not him! I hope this helps. Keep posting, we are here for you and glad you are here!

Sunny

November 6, 2004
9:02 am
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notmyself
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If someone does not allow you to be yourself by monitoring your relationships, blames you for things, tells you that they can't trust, and controls the sex, that person fits the profile of an abuser to the T. Like me, you will get caught up in the idea of the relationship you want and sometimes will believe that you can create it. There is someone out there that will allow you to be you, trust you, and love you. Really there is. Start believing that and you will see that you need to stay away from this person. I am learning the hard way that I deserve better. So do you!

November 6, 2004
9:37 am
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CAMER
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September 30, 2010
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agree with all of the above...he is a controller and manipulative....and you don't need someone telling you how to behave and hang out with etc..you are not his puppet.

November 6, 2004
12:30 pm
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sdesigns
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September 27, 2010
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Agree with all of the above. He wasn't making you feel good about yourself, he was making you feel lousy and thats not what a loving relationship is supposed to be like. It should be nurturing, not demeaning. Plus it sounds like he may have a sexual addiction as that also is about control. Abusers also like to make you feel like everything is your fault. Its not. Hope this helps. SD

November 6, 2004
2:15 pm
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mamacinnamon
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I agree with the above too. All of it. This guy is a controller. They are never satisfied w/ what control they have; they always want more. He'll take the life out of you with his controlling. You need to get away from him now before he becomes obsessed.

There are REAL relationships to be found. Someone that will love you for you and not try to change you. Someone that makes you feel secure and safe. You be You and let the rest fall into place, but NOT w/ this guy.

Of course, the decision is yours.

November 6, 2004
2:36 pm
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Level _7
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Agreeing with all of the above as well... Especially about the sex, anyone who makes you have sex when you don't really want to is raping you, even if they aren't physically beating you up to get it...The mental abuse and manipulation is bad enough..

Anybody who tells you you have mental problems when you know you don't is a huge red flag too... I had a B/F who one day sat on my chest on the bed, pinning my arms down, picked up a pillow and put it over my face, attempting to smother me.. Just out of the blue!... When I struggled free I pushed him off the bed on to the floor... I scream at him "What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to kill me?" As I struggled, stunned to catch my breath, he looks at me and says,"NO, you're paranoid.. Gosh, you're therapy hasn't helped you at all has it..", and he starts laughing like it was nothing... I have never been out of a door faster... You should be too...

While your guy may not have done something like that, yet, they all have the potential... You sound like you made it out pretty quickly.. STAY OUT... Do not look back at anyone who makes you feel bad, second guess yourself, or who attempts to tell you who you are, or how you should be, or what you should do... People who truly love you actually accept you as you are, perfect as you were born...

November 6, 2004
5:12 pm
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CANSADAdeTODO
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September 24, 2010
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thanx everyone, I really think I found this site thanx to God and all of you are a gift from him to me , to become stronger and to be united
i pray every single day that i will be able to start my life without him, without the fear , and i think i just have to break this pattern because this is not the first abusive relationship that i am in , but thanfully this realtionship did not come with violence like the first one but again this one left lots of damage! thank you everyone I'm here to listen and i am here to learn I am here to feed my self with courage from all of you

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