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today smarter leaving for a while, slap me five
May 17, 2007
8:48 am
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smarterone
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well im doing it, maybe temp, probably, promised mikey just need a break, hope that is all. Chris can go to hell.
Ill speak to all of you when i get there on my g/f computer. Heading out now, 9am, thursday. Love to you all
( Camera, shaney, brownie, mama, queen, siniho all of you)

May 17, 2007
9:01 am
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StronginHim77
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I posted on your other thread. Boy, am I glad to hear you are leaving. Don't go back. Start over!!!

- Ma Strong

May 17, 2007
10:27 am
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readyforachange
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I'll be thinking of you. Take care of yourself, and let us know you're okay!

May 17, 2007
10:36 am
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thedogsmom
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hip hip hurray!
I am happy for you smarterone. I know you sound like you are NOT really ready to leave your man and household for good. .... but maybe this little break-away will help give you more strength to push forward and get out of that hell-hold for good.
Here is five from thedogsmom!

May 17, 2007
11:25 am
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Shaney
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good for you smarterone. see how it goes, make a plan, then make some decisions. you'll be fine. :o)

May 17, 2007
5:00 pm
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(Even though you failed to name me, smarterone 🙂 )

I really wish you peace and I am happy you are getting yourslef away from that situation so you think better and find some solutions for yourself.

I am wishing much good will begin to flow your way.

May 17, 2007
7:24 pm
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brownie
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Hi smart,

I had to come back when your leaving now.How i missed you soooooooooo much.I can't wait to hear from you once you get to go to your gf's house.

May 17, 2007
8:03 pm
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At_it_Again
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Good luck!

May 19, 2007
8:41 am
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CAMER
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(((alright!!! Smarter!!!)))) keep us posted & hugs and prayers your way!

May 19, 2007
9:05 am
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mamacinnamon
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Good for you honey. It's been a long time comin. Take your time and get back on your feet and then we'll be seein Smarter SHINE of the real woman she truly is. 🙂

May 19, 2007
6:00 pm
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smarterone
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Im here in wpb, using someone's computer. I just spoke to a christian counselor thru some friends, that are going to guide me thru this. They do not want me to go back now, i was this wkend. Havent spoke to chris and dont want to. Mikey is like take your time. and then, Do you know your son ate all the cookies??? Well when you pay for the food, you can complain. This counselor is going to call him and tell him next week, he is medically knowledgeable also and says if i dont leave i should be dead in 6 mos. OK. I have to break this to mikey. Spent the last three days with my friends thru ex marriage. Love them and today i am going to the ministry friend, Lynn. Ill speak soon. Love you all
Sorry Brynnie.....love you.
Brownie, will be in touch, , camera, mama, shaney, strong, atitagain, dogsmom etc.

May 21, 2007
3:02 pm
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smarterone
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its hard, things at home not going right, mikey still cant get up rent, how did i do it, dumb thing stayed home today thinking it was memorial day, i had to scream at him, he called and they told him stay home. Who needs another day docked. I feel so empty and confused. Pastors, and therapist here have been saying to stay out of contact but so much of mine is there. Hate living with other people, clothese in car and this place is quite cluttered, another person living with my g/f. I feel so disconnectted from life. Mikey is crying his eyes out now cuz i told him, goodbye, dont want to, want to try to make it without son, who has not come there, and has passed neighbors said. Also have to worry cuz a check in his name but really mine from bailing mikey out s coming 500 dollars and if get his hands on it without us he will take it all. Pray for me. I have god but just have to give it all to him. Please pray for me.

May 21, 2007
3:07 pm
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soprano2
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Prayers are with you.

Lots of strong thoughts going your way.

May 22, 2007
11:21 am
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smarterone
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Im feeling weaker today, but dont know if it is smart to go back, too soon. mikey made rent arrangements, chris lurking around when mikey not there and i think he lost his job. Im not comfortable at Lynn, messy, im cleaning alot but she can be pushy. Fred and renee, nice there, so confused. I would rather at my age be home.

May 22, 2007
11:49 am
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nappy
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Smart,
I am so glad that you finally gotten away from that mess and I do understand how you are feeling BUT
Please and I mean please take the time to get yourself together. Everything is happening for a reason. Maybe this is your time to reposition your life for the good.
If not, you are going to go back into the same mess that you were in before you left.

You already see that mikey is doing for hisself. He already knows that he have to make rent, even if it is arrangements.
Chris is still doing the same things that he was doing when you left. Lurking around the house and maybe god know what else.
But at least you are not there.
My friend I just hope that whatever road that you choose, left or right that you will find peace and happiness.
Sometimes you just have to take a stand with your life and say enough is enough.
May you find strength in your HP, and I hope that you have a bless day!
Nappy

May 22, 2007
1:53 pm
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StronginHim77
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Smart -

Please please please listen to the people who are encouraging you to stay away from those two men and trust your HP to help you work things out on your own. You do NOT need your son or that boyfriend. They are draining you dry. I am a recovering codependent, so I understand how you feel...why you are still so INVOLVED in your son's choices, like calling to see if he was still employed. It's NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

Let him sink.

As far as getting that $500 back, I would chalk it off to "experience" and NEVER GO BACK. Your life is worth more than $500. Given time, you will find work that you are capable of physically, to supplement your disability. I am disabled, also. Social Security permits disabled people to earn a certain percentage of their monthly gross benefit in parttime work. Didn't they explain that to you?

I am allowed to earn $695/month, in addition to my Social Security Disability. Sit back and give it some thought. I am sure that you will be able to find something simple and parttime which would pay you an extra $100 or so a week. If you have roommates, you can make it. There is always a way.

Down here where I live (FLORIDA), people are constantly looking for live-in babysitters. I kid you not. Full room & board, car privileges and a good salary for watching kids after school and in the evenings. Like I said, there is ALWAYS a way. You are neat and clean. I am sure someone would snap you up. If not, some other sort of work will turn up.

The reason I am pushing you in the "work" department is because I think it will help you to know that you don't NEED a man to survive. You CAN take care of yourself. In fact, you will probably be alot better off, financially, WITHOUT having to pick up the slack for a man. This includes your son.

I don't know why you are afraid of your son. I would have whupped his butt at 2 and gotten it over with. And if he continued giving me rebellion or disrespect, he would have been out the door in his teens. I put my older son out of my house when he was 18. He had become mouthy and disrespectful. So, I packed up his stuff and set it outside the front door. Collected his key when he came home. He bellowed and raged and that was that. Came home, humble as pie three days later and NEVER pulled that crap on me again. And yes...he is tons taller than I am and lifts weights. But I don't care. It is about RESPECT.

I found out something about our adult kids. Most of them truly want to know we are there for them and love/accept them. And they will usually back down and honor our position as their parents, UNLESS we allow them to get away with it. I guess you have gotten so beaten down that you have allowed this man to disrespect you. Those days need to be over. He owes you respect, honesty and honor. He ain't giving it to you, so you need to KICK HIM OUT and enforce penalties, if he comes round. Get a Restraining Order on him and have him arrested, if he violates it.

If you don't draw boundaries with this man, he is going to end up in prison. And then, the situation will be completely out of your hands. There will be nothing you can do, to spare him the consequences of his actions, because you aren't making him take consequences NOW. If you care about this son at all, CUT HIM OFF, get that Restraining Order, quit being scared of him and stand up for yourself. Enforce consequences with him, before the Law does.

- Ma Strong

May 22, 2007
1:54 pm
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CAMER
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Smarter, you can do this, just "let go and let GOD"...Mikey can survive and so can Chris.

Find some peace and strength within yourself, just sit back, close your eyes and think of you, and all your wants, and keep "contact" minimal with Mikey and Chris...till you can sort your thoughts out.

Keep talking with your minister friend...and know you can get thru today, I know you can, and we can worry about 2morrow, 2morrow.

(((my hugs and support and love are sent your way)))) Camer

May 22, 2007
1:57 pm
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StronginHim77
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If you're physically afraid of him, adopt a big dog, one that will remove any trespasser's backside. Just be sure you take a dog obedience class, yourself, so that the dog is well-behaved and under your control at all times.

May 22, 2007
2:28 pm
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smarterone
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nappy, i also answered you on "shaney". I appreciate everyones concern.
Strong: I was just leaving the g/f's house, the one i dont enjoy much but she is the pusher, and going to my other friends who are going to my part of the Fla. state friday. She said if you are leaving come with us, stay fri in the hotel, and sat. we will drive down with you to your home. Im dressed and ready to go, just put some stuff back in trunk and then i said, let me check the computer, cuz they dont have one. Here all of you were and now, here i am again, saying, should i leave this wkend or what? I also am in fla. and i know about the jobs, and no, i cannot work on my type of disability with ss. i already inquired twice. I never minded babysitting etc., i cant handle it now, im good at all i do, but i dont have the desire and yes, i know that is depression. I agree with everything you said so once again, i have to pray about this. I just dont see anything even though its only been 5 or 6 days, it feels like years.
My son has seen jail many times due to drugs, mostly and he has many issues. I feel bad cuz i know that feeling so well, lonliness, feeling lost but i worked more on it. He wants help but not willing to do the work.
Camer: answered you on brownies also.
Iknow, i know, im really fighting this, the feelings up, down inbetween are destroying my brain. I havent spoken to Chris since before i left. I have not called the house, i call mikey cell, maybe once tops twice a day. He has not seen chris, which is scary. One neighbor has, but mikey was home so he didnt go in. He is not afraid of mikey so i have to think other reasons, theft, money from me, but im not there. This is hiding, how long can i hide. Camer, i feel like im dying inside, im so, so hurting i cant stop crying. I dont know what to do, whats the matter with me? How stupid can one person be?
I love you all, you are truly all i have that is still mine....talk soon.

May 22, 2007
3:22 pm
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nappy
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Smart,
your mind may remind you of the past, but it should also remind you of the future.
You can't do anything now until you get your mind right.
Your son and this boyfriend is sucking you dry and they are going to stay around you until you fall flat on your face and you can't get up.
And they will kick you while you are down. You better believe that one!
You say that the boyfriend haven't seen your son around. That is because you are not there for him to keep using you and getting what he need or just plain sucking you dry for his need.

I also had to throw my son out, threw him out because he was disrepecting me. I felt bad because I did it but it had to be done. I WILL NOT allow any of my childrens to disrepect me.
I told him that if he felt like he was a man, then he had to go and be a man out there. Well as of this day, my son is a respectful young man and father.

Smart, you are not responsible for your son anymore, you HAVE TO LET HIM GO and figure out his mistakes in life because if you don't then your son will wind up in prison.
And jail and prison are two difference places, and if he don't get straighten out while he is out among the living;, going to prison he will.
Nappy!

May 24, 2007
10:28 am
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smarterone
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Nappy, thank you for all your wise words. im not going to repeat so go to "Brownies Response " to see whats up. I might stay another week, i know its not long enough. Mikey has taken care of everything and will continue he said. Today he said i want you back now, but i want your health more so take your time, i cant hang though for more thanone more week and yes i know that is why chris is not around. As soon as i come home, boom he will be there. BUt i have to face this sooner or later, rather later. i just worry, that the car i just helped him get, used junk, the tags expire ont the 15 and under my name and see what i mean, i shouldnt worry at all. Nap, come move in with me. Wont have much access to computer soon, just cant stay here, she drives me crazy, cant handle dirt, (even though i shouldnt be picky), she is very prophetic, and swears she is like a messenger of the Lord and maybe she is but i find when i am here i am so depressed, cuz maybe i dont like the truth yes, dont get me wrong the other place they give it to me straight but the attitude is good and healthy. I feel like im in a clan here. Like i was kidnapped, the old Jim Jones group. Anyway girl, speak soon or wk or so. Love to you

May 24, 2007
11:04 am
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nappy
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Hello Smart,
I'm glad that I am hearing from you again. I have been worried about you and your well being.
Sometimes we goes through things in life that is messy and that is because you are reprositioning your life into the right direction.
And yes you do have to face your problems but you have to make damn sure that you are able to handle them, if not, you will get suck right back into the same sitution and you don't want to go backward.
Life is not always easy and it will never be but the strong does survive and that is a true fact.
You are a strong person, I hope that you believe that. You better! (smile)

You had me laughing when you said that you felt like you was kidnapped, the old Jim Jones group.
Well when you start hearing someone over the bullhorn, saying come my childrens, then I suggest that you better run quickly (smile)

One more thing, I understand that your boyfriend said that he will start taking care of things for now on but let his actions speak for themself. Sometimes people will say anything just to get you back into that same old routine again.

Well you get back with me soon and take care of yourself and may god bless you.
Nappy!

May 26, 2007
11:28 pm
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smarterone
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nappy
i answered other thread also. Mike is doing wonders right now, i know he is really trying. I love my home but we are planning to move to get me out of here. It will take time, if anything i will set up first.
Read other post in "Brownies"
Thanks for everything Nappy, you are one hell of a friend. Love to you

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