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Today or tommorrow
September 8, 2001
4:16 pm
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Kattie
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I asked my husband to leave three weeks ago now I need to tell that he can come back and we can work on this relationship or that I want a divorce. 90% of my head and gut want a divorce it's my heart that gets in the way. How can I be divorced again #2 and how can I do this to my children 18,16,12. He says he will do anything anything at all. Please advise..

September 10, 2001
12:51 am
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gingerleigh
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September 30, 2010
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First off, about the children, they are old enough to understand that what is going on is between you and your husband, no bearing on them. It's stressful, but they can handle a lot more than you might think, so long as you and your husband each continue to be supportive of them and work our your differences in an adult manner.

So hubby is willing to "do anything at all" eh? Is he willing to go to marriage counseling with you? That's a huge indicator of whether or not he is willing to do the work with you. Some guys can't "swallow their prides" enough to get past that.

September 10, 2001
12:19 pm
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Lisa Marie
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You said that, "you need to tell (him) that he can come back and we can work on this relationship, or that I want a divorce." I'm assuming you need to make this decision Today or Tomorrow as your subject indicates.

First, did you impose this deadline on yourself, or did it come from your husband? As you make important decisions, I think it's best to relieve time pressures if possible. If the time pressure is coming from your husband, maybe that tells you something about why you asked him to leave three weeks ago.

Second, I agree with gingerleigh concerning the children. Their outlook on you and your husband as being "healthy" isn't directly related to you two being married. You can be healthy, and setting a good example while asking for a divorce.

Lastly, maybe a short-term solution would be to begin counseling immediately, leaving the "move back in" decision for later or as a result of progress that only you can measure while in therapy.

September 10, 2001
1:59 pm
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pill
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Why make a decision so soon? Are you trying to manifest a solution?

I'd - even for yourself - wait, and let him do "anything" to keep it together. You don't really know what you're missing until it's gone... give it a chance. Especially if he's so willing.

September 10, 2001
6:18 pm
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Kattie
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September 24, 2010
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well, I closed my eyes very tightly and let him back in. I should have waited, I'm not ready for this. There is such a small part of me that cares however most of me can't stand to be near him. I need someone to hold my hand and walk me through this.

September 10, 2001
6:28 pm
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1dvsgirl
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Kattie - what made you ask him to leave in the first place? If you can't stand to be near him you need to NOT be near him....You're words say more than you know. You closed your eyes on what? Here's a hand, go ahead and reach out. If you don't want to go into the details on such an open forum (email is not anonymous:-)) You can email my personal : [email protected] anytime. I'll be watching for you....

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