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To tell or not?
October 20, 1999
9:02 pm
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Alli
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I'm 30 and was sexually abused(not actual intercourse) by a relative when I was six or seven. I've gone all these years with this secret and pretty much put the incident out of my mind. But now its haunting me, I feel like I have this secret weighing on me and I've come close to telling my husband but can't. I have no interest in confronting this family member who did this and I especially dont want my parents to know. I dont know why after all these years, I am feeling such turmoil over what happened. Im starting to think its affected me more than I realized. Im afraid if I tell my husband he wont know what to say or he'll look at me differently. I hate keeping this secret though.
I mean after all these years why am I so affected by this now?
Any advice would be helpful.

October 20, 1999
10:16 pm
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rebate
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Alli,

I was sexually molested as a child by a relative also. I too burried these feelings for many, many years. Take my word for it, you will have to resolve this for yourself.

Find a good Therapist as soon as possible! Don't try to tell your husband unprepared. You must work on things for yourself first.

I also have no desire to tell my family. My abuser is dead, so there is no threat there. My only goal now is to heal myself, and take back my life.

I know what you are feeling. The little nagging flashbacks. A feeling that there are things you should remember, but you can't quite grasp them. Do you also get a feeling of panic in certian situations and don't really know why?

My Therapist has explained that these are all symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We have been working together for about a year now, and I am thrilled by the progress I have made. I have a long way to go yet, but at least now I understand that I was not to blame for the abuse and I believe I will eventually get there. I WILL SURVIVE!

Believe me, your feelings will get worse before they get better if you don't get help. My greatest regret is that I did not find help years ago. My life could have been so different.

Find help soon. Good Luck and take care.

October 21, 1999
12:14 am
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hope-c
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Alli -

October 21, 1999
12:18 am
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hope-c
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Alli, sorry about the prior mistake. I can definitely relate to you. I did tell my husband. I did not tell my family or perpatrators. I knew my husband loved me and would be supportive. I did initially fear his reaction, but that is all it was, fear. Stop victimizing yourself, you did nothing wrong. I agree that counselling could be beneficial. I think that you need to discover your motive for wanting to tell your husband. Mine was because I want to share everything with him so he understands me completely. I did not share it with the other parties because my motives would not be good. There would be no benefit to anyone. GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS.

October 21, 1999
8:50 am
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Brittainy
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Hi Alli. I was abused as a child, and like you I was haunted by my past until my late twenties, but was able to find a way through to enable me to talk. Maybe you can find some quiet time with your husband and open your heart, I'm sure he will understand. I know it is hard, it took me years, but you will get through it even though it is painful. Maybe the first step would to find a therapist who you can relate too.
I wish you all the luck in the world. Take care

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