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TO SFB - From Zinnie
February 27, 2004
10:17 pm
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sixfootblonde
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Hey Zinnie girl! Doing good today. Hubby went to the basketball game and seems to be trying to open up. Am I forgetting what I learned not long ago -- that what other's actions are, are not always even about me but are instead a reflection of their perceptions and what is going on in their lives? Perhaps. Turns out he had a bad week too. Tempest in a teapot? Maybe so. We shall see.

Thanks for asking tho! How about you? Still feeling out of sorts? What do you think of the new chemo scheme (o) 🙂 ? Think it will be a change for the good? I bet. I'm hoping so, anyway.

Take care girl, and from one who thought it up, YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rest assured, you are my idea of a tough lady. In a good way! *grin*

February 28, 2004
6:40 am
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Zinnie
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Hi SFB,

Well - sadly, no, not doing well.

I lost two friends on Thursday. One was a friend that I knew through work, she passed away from Lou Gerhig's Disease, she was only 47. Her service is today (Saturday), at 10:00 and I have been asked to speak.

The other, was a little girl named Sarah - I think I told you about her. She was my seat mate at treatment, and only 6 years old. It's the kids that is the hardest to accept. Just last week, she and I had a good laugh about my hair - she liked it - thought is was "funky" ~ her word. Her Mom & Dad have asked me to speak at her funeral on Sunday because we became "buddies" - and I'm having a very hard time trying to figure out what to say. I mean what do you say at a funeral where you are mad because a child got sick and died? And though my treatment sucks and was extended - here I am?

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better. Very happy to hear that you and the hubby are opening up. It's harder for men, because they are taught from such a young age to "buck it up - don't cry, don't show emotion" and if they do they are made fun of.

Something else that I thought of regarding what happened with you two - surely the loss of your brother hit him hard too. Could it be that he was hurting just as much when all of this happened, and literally did not know what to do or say? I know, personally - my husband if he does not know what to do or say, he runs. I mean literally runs. Will run up to 10 miles to work something out. Off he goes, like a shot, and people wonder why he goes through four to five pairs of $250.00 jogging shoes in a year?

However, to add a little levity to that thought - get this, while our little chihuahua was alive (little guy lived to be 19 years old), up until he was about 16 or so, if my husband went for a "short jog" - about a mile or so, the little guy would run with him. People used to stop, point and just laugh at the sight of this little bitty four or five pound dog running with all his might - he loved to run with "Dad" - and it was funny to see.

I was hoping for a nice quiet weekend - but, I have to try not to let this get the best of me.

Add to that, the phone rang tonight at 1:00 in the morning. It was the police in upstate NY where we have a cottage. My oldest son had been living there for a while. Don't know if I had told you about his pyscho ex-girlfriend, but she decided to "look him up" so to speak.

This woman makes no sense what so ever. They dated off and on for a long time. She saw him as many things, a saviour, way out of her super dysfunctional home, a bank account. Many things. Anyway, when he took the contract to work in Europe, she went with him. He had asked her previously to marry him (against our advice - but what can you do, you have to try to accept who they marry - and I have been on the other side of that stick) - and she had told him "no, she wanted more in life - but she would travel with him."

So, anyway, when he got the European contract, she packed up and went with him. Lo and behold, she met someone along the way that I guess she felt could better her "career" - she has fancied herself the next big Hollywood starlet, and actually we have always felt that part of the reason she latched on to our son was because, like his Father he was in the music industry. He was heartbroken when she dumped him, kept himself busy by throwing himself into work. Then, we start hearing how he is taking in lots of the sights and scenes of Europe with a young lady that is a fellow musician's daughter.

Next thing we know, when the tradegy's hit our family in November, 2002 and he came back to North America, he has this young lady in tow. He rented a small place in Montreal and she moved in with him. All of us were thinking "oh boy, not good - he is on the rebound and we know NOTHING about this girl AND she barely speaks English" - now French is his first language, and her second, but she was at that point just learning English - which made it harder for us to get to know her. Nothing against her, we just were unsure - you know? He was so crazy in love with the ex at one point, now she had dumped him, and he comes home with this other young lady AND they are now living together. Then, they come to the hospital - and we notice - matching thin gold wedding bands. So... what to think?

Well, she is a delight - they have been married for a year now, and she just gave him two beautiful twins. She loves him, and that is evident, just in watching the two of them. I could not ask for a sweeter daughter-in-law, she is just precious. Here she was meeting all of us for the first time in the middle of all of these horrible things going on. She was just so quietly efficient at everything. Made sure we had food to eat, would run errands, literally go do our laundrey when we were living in the ICU with Lisa. Just a sweet sweet lady, and I see why my son fell in love with her so quickly and so deeply, and I also see that the feeling is reciprocated to him. She adores him, and wants nothing more than to be a loving wife and Mother.

O.K. - so why the alarm right? Well, seems Miss Ex-Girlfriend has been "dumped" by her European guy, and came home looking for my son. She had called the house at Christmas time, and got into it with him on the phone. Or should I say, she tried to get into it with him, he told her he didn't have anything to say to her, so he just hung up. Now, I was thinking before tonight that she knew he had married, but apparently not. So, she shows up at the cottage, let's herself in, and set's off the alarm. Note to self - call lock smith in a few hours.

So, the police call - I'm nice enough to tell them, she can stay there for tonight - I hope she does not trash the place. I know that is a catty remark, but she is manipulative to say the least - oh, we don't even want to talk about the last five years... So, I call and she is now crying "how can I get in touch with Justin, I miss him so much - I made such a mistake!" So, I told her "look you can stay tonight, but, you need to contact your own family tomorrow." It was 2:00 a.m. there, and I did not know what else to say to her. She was wanting to know how to contact my son, and sorry - he is happily married now, to a sweet girl, and a new Daddy... last thing he needs is her popping up in his life again. I just hope she will find her own way in life.

She does not know that he is now in L.A., and he is not listed in the phone directory - so she should not be able to get ahold of him. I guess she could always contact mutual friends, but I think most of them were happy to see her go.

After I got off the phone, my husband asked what was going on, so I tell him. He said the same thing "oh, no - let's hope she does not call him or worse yet show up on his door step" - have I told you she is a pushy little thing? We just love his wife to pieces, and will protect those babies with all we have! I'm hoping she will leave him alone.

Whew - that felt a relief to get all of that off my chest. I hope I have not bored you to tears, with our mini-soap opera. One I'm hoping will end with the chapter of she get's her happy butt back to... where ever!

Hoping you are doing well SFB, for me - it's another sleepness night for so many reasons.

Thanks for your concern, and I'll talk to you later.

Z.

February 28, 2004
9:27 am
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sixfootblonde
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Wow. You have a LOT to deal with! I am sorry to hear of the death of your friend from work, and also that little girl. I remember you saying she liked your hair. You posted that on a thread and I thought it was cute. You know what Zinnie, it is so amazing how the children that are ill always seem to be so ok with it. Have you noticed that? They seem like they have this strength and peace about them. It's so sad though when their fight is over. I can't imagine letting go of a child to such a sad disease.

Here's a poem, I was given this when we lost our baby in 2001. It's written for the loss of a baby but it also applies to this little girl pretty well.

Call Heaven ... there's an Angel
That's coming home today;
Our hearts are sad and broken
Because she couldn't stay.

Fluff up the clouds and lay her
Gently in your care;
Place the tiny halo
Softly in her hair.

Our arms will never hold her,
Our lips will never kiss
The velvet of her cheeks,
We were not prepared for this.

In our hearts will be a tiny hole
Where always you will be,
Because we wanted you so much,
Our hearts will always grieve.

How sad we had to lose you
But we know that God knows best;
Sleep softly precious Angel ...
In Gods eternal rest.

~ Joy Bryant ~

I wish you luck speaking at the services for these two people. That is a huge compliment, you know. You must be thought highly of. I will pray you find some inner peace and strength for this weekend.

As for that ex-girlfriend, wow! It's sad, people like that. They push people away and then are all alone. The thing is, until they change their behavior their lot in life isn't likely to change, you know? Ultimately it is so sad for them.

I will let you go for now. I hope your weekend doesn't take too much of a toll on you Zinnie. Just remember how they aren't hurting anymore, and the joy and light they are in today. Hang in there -- I'll be thinking about you!

February 28, 2004
10:45 am
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Zinnie
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Thanks SFB,

On our way out the door to the first service.

I'll write more later.

Z.

February 28, 2004
10:39 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi SFB,

Getting ready to go to bed, I have got to get some sleep tonight.

Today has been a long day, and tomorrow will be the same.

Also, had the nutty ex-girlfriend call me today to tell me that her parents would not be able to wire her money until Monday so she could buy a train ticket home. Is there anyway she could stay there at the house?

Against, my better judgement I told her O.K. - but, she had best be gone by Monday at Noon, as that is when the constable would be there with the lock smith to change the locks, and make sure the house is in order. So, hopefully knowing this, I won't have a diasaster to clean up.

She is still wanting to get in touch with my son - to tell him what a mistake she made, and that she hopes they can be friends. In a way I feel bad for jumping in here because this is HIS business - but, I did tell her "look, he is married now, he is a Father - you walked out on him and he is happy, so leave him alone." She is not taking this news well - but she did it herself. Between you and I - I'm glad he is rid of her.

I hope you are well. What did you end up cooking today?

Z.

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