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To: onedaythiswillpass Happy Mothers Day!
May 26, 2013
8:00 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Ocean Boi,

what will you do if she does not show up?

will you confront her if she suddenly cannot pay you for her ticket?

will you be making any plans to discuss the future of your relationship with her or is this just a friendly pleasure escape for the two of you?

I guess I am concerned with how you will feel if she does not show up or once she leaves again & she might start doing the same things that she continues to do that leave you feeling unsafe about being close to her.

Do you follow what I am saying?

You are ready and willing to dive straight back into the water, but have you prepared yourself with enough energy to swim back onto land and accept that she might not wish to swim at all or will not meet you back on the shore?

I understand that you are waiting to exhale with baited breathe, but I just am thinking you should just breathe from here on in with or without this girl.Smile

One Day

P.S. when she decides to turn the tables & hurt you again, I will still be here loving you.  Try to not let her.  Please.

May 26, 2013
8:14 am
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Ocean Boi,

I totally forgot to tell you about me & my petty nuances.  The thing with me is that I am not afraid of expiring because even after they throw me six feet under, I will still be quite alive.

 

So you do not ever have to worry about me going away.

 

One Day

May 26, 2013
11:59 am
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One Day,

If she does not show up I will not speak to her ever again.When she told me that she took a sick bird that does not belong to her to the hospital and paid the bill for it I decided to buy her the ticket as a gift. Then, on her own she said had the money and was going to give it to me when she saw me. If she does not give me the money like she offered I don't care because the ticket was a gift. If she does give me the money back then that will impress me and speak well of her character. If she shows up I plan to buy her some stuff to help her out with all of these pets she takes care of in that way she does have a heart and has been taking care of her ex's countless cats that the ex left behind and as a matter of fact one is so old he might have to be put to sleep and she sleeps with him every night and is very sad about that, the other are these dogs whose owner has cancer and she cries thinking about the dogs being homeless when the owner passes away.  I am on my way to the ocean because I promised to send you some pics. I hope I can find parking if not then I will go to the harbor and take them there.

 

Ocean boi

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

May 26, 2013
2:05 pm
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Ocean Boi,

I am pretty sure I know this girl.  What I mean is she is not someone you should just toss aside.  I feel from what you have now disclosed that she has had a very difficult life & please give her a chance to prove to you in some way that she deserves you.  She does have many issues, but I think she is looking also for the right person to share her life with.  I don't know, maybe she is playing you, but the part about the animals strikes a definite cord with me.

What can I say.  Life is risky.  Take a chance.  Try not to judge her.  If it does not work out, so be it.  Don't "awfullize" this encounter.

No matter what happens, you will be o.k.

Jane Wagner once wrote in her screenplay that Lily Tomlin stood up to portray "The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life  in the Universe", that as Gordon Liddy wrote, "Life is like a candle flame & you with your hand over top it"  The trick to getting through it, IS NOT TO MIND IT!

If I could feel safe to be with that 8yr relationship again, I would perhaps ask for one more chance, but for me right now being with him is like actually having my hand right in the flame.  Both our hands would be enflamed, and hurt beyond repair.  I wish it could have worked, but we did nothing in the end but hurt each other & others in horrible ways.

As my ex husband once told me, "nothing lasts forever".  Everything has a start & a finish.  At least I can say that I tried and that I love that guy & love with my whole heart all my past relationships that were longstanding, but never everlasting.

I am a Good Mother and as Ms. Arden writes in her song, I guess I am hard to hold.  It is my Mother's voice that keeps me here & now it is my Father's strength that makes me cry.

Feet on ground,

Heart in hand, facing forward,  (just)be yourself. 

I've never wanted anything (so bad)

Cardboard Masks of all the people I've been, thrown out with the rusted tangled miseries.

 

One Day This Shall Pass

I've got a friend who loves me?

May 27, 2013
1:14 am
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One Day,

She sent me a text today saying that her friends will print out her e ticket the day before her plane leaves and drive her to the air port. Then she sent a text saying she will call. She called and then the call kept dropping then she sent me a text saying her phone was effed up and she would call me tomorrow. Last night she sent me the text about throwing up and not being able to call and tonight a different story. I don't know what to believe. If she can't call out on her phone then how can she text? I never get head aches and I had a bad one all day from all this. Thank goodness tomorrow is Monday and I have to drop my friend off at the air port. Then a few more days and she'll be here that is of course if her phone doesn't break and she isn't throwing up, etc. I don't have a good feeling about her. But it's so hard to base an entire decsion on phone calls. I have no idea what to expect from her in person. She sent me one recent pic and she looked worse than when I first met her way worse. I showed the pic to my friend who could not belive how someone could look so drastically different in one day. She says she is 70 pounds over weight and her hair looked like it turned white. Then she got a hair cut and set me a pic and looked much better. I know she has some idea of being romantic with me and I'm not so sure that would be a good idea. She insinuates that she needs to have that connection to treat me differently and I don't get it. I fear that it might make things worse. She has done and said nothing to convince me that we need to take the situation to that level. I find it strange that she never asks much less cares about what is going on with me. 

One Day am I a self absorbed jerk if I don't want to get involved with her based on the fact she lives with her ex and says she still loves another ex? Something about all of that turns me off. I don't have anything like that going on in my life. 

It's too damn bad that nothing lasts forever although some peoples realtionships do until death do they part as the saying goes. 

I really appreciate you being there for me and can never thank you enough. I did go to the ocean today and will up load a pic just for you.

 

X0X0

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

May 27, 2013
3:29 am
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Ocean,

I am not going to tell you that I have a bad feeling about the girl & your meeting.  You have already made the decision to go forward with this encounter & so we will together not think about it anymore & just wait & see what transpires.

Many people who have a good nature like you get taken advantage of & used & lied to.  This is not your fault.

I will be  today just to try to undo many things that happened to me because I am one of those many people.  I will still check for your posts.

It hurts me to see you and your emotions going from up to down with her every move.  What she tells you could be the entire truth, or she may just be a user & a cheater.

In time you will see her true colours.

Just be sure you take care of yourself & be yourself & protect yourself.

 

One Day

May 27, 2013
11:15 am
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Hello One Day,

I am going to the air port to drop my friend off. Later I will show you some pics I took at the ocean yesterday. She sent me a text saying she was trying to get her cell phone issue resolved. I can't believe it is Monday. She will be here soon that's if another crisis doesn't suddenly develop. I plan to have a come to jesus meeting wtih her before I even consider any type of romance. And truthfully I don't see that happening. I don't really care what she says she plans on doing she will have to do it first before I will be convinced that she is serious. I pray that I will be as turned off by her as the day  I first met her that not matter what I wouldn't consider touching her with a 10 foot pole. This situation with her is similar to being addicted to a drug. None of it makes one bit of sense. 

Ocean Boi

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

May 28, 2013
3:11 am
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Yesterday I spoke to her and told her that if we both compared bullet points with what we wanted from a relationship that we would see that we didn't want the same things and based on that anythng more than a friendship did not stand a chance. We don't have a relationship based on mutual love and respect and that is where we went wrong from day one.No trust or friendship was ever built on a stable foundation. 

I Know she was expecting romance and I had to let her know that there would be none without love. And love doesen't grow in a garden where a woman is living with her ex, says she's in love with another ex, puts her job first and bascially has nothing not even a loving word to offer. I must have told her one hundred times that I can't live like that. Originally she was expecting me to jump in bed with her then lock and load to go move to where she lives. And that is NEVER going to happen.She told me that she had fantasies about putting me in her pocket and carrying me around all day so I could see what she does for a living. Of course no interest was expresed on her part about walking in my shoes for a day to see what goes on in mine. 

No matter what I said she insisted that she is coming out and is excited about seeing me. I think it's because she took the time off of work and has someone else covering her schedule and has made transportation arrangements and figures she may as well. No matter what I have said to her she still thinks that once we see each other that everything is going to be the way she wants it to be whatever that is.  I will be glad to get all of this over with.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

May 28, 2013
3:35 am
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Dear Ocean Boi,

much has transpired since  I lasted posted to you & today will be yet another day when I have to be rathe stoic.  I keep feeling like I just should try to isolate from the real world.  I have too much stress in my life & too many responsibiities.  My older sister took ill in a rather quick & horrible way.  I do believe it happened to her due the overload of responsibilities she has doing her life while being the full time caregiver for my elderly Father.  I want to help am I have offered her to help out, but realistically with what I have on my plate these days who knows what tomorrow might bring?  I will do my best to help.  I have been crying since yesterday & usually I cry & write & then it's better, but not this time around.

The truth is that I really want to up and run.  I have a valid passport & everyday I get tempted to use it & tell no one where I am ever again.  I know running is not the solution because of the children, but I just have had enough of this lifestye being the only parent around.

Everyone seems to be getting sick including me.

I want desperately to plan an escape and not return.

I know it's selfish, but honestly I cannot re-invent myself anymore.

 

One Day

May 28, 2013
4:01 am
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One Day,

I made this video for you

 

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

May 28, 2013
4:16 am
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One Day,

I am sorry to hear that you have reached your breaking point. Is there anything that I can do to ease your mind?

 

Love,

Ocean Boi

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

May 28, 2013
5:13 am
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Help me escape?

Change the scenary?

Find magical angel dust and pour it all over me to make me healthy again.

Let me start over without having my children suffer my loss?

Send me in a time machine forwards in time to a world that is less crazy than this one?

throw me in the Ocean & watch me as I swim across to another part of the world where people are people and they treat each other with support, kindness & a monetary system is based on knowledge instead of greed?

To a place where people are really free to say how they feel, and are not enslaved by stupid rules & stupid jobs that bring them nothing but more stress, more illness

Where resources are not raped & innocent people are not used for media propaganda.  Where innocent people & poor people are also given equal rights instead of being used & dragged further down into their poverty by a group of elite wealthy people who eat them for breakfast, lunch & dinner & stymie their ideas, voices & chances of ever having a better future for themselves or for their children.

Do you think you can affect such changes?

I think that if even you tried to, your life would change for the worse.

It is what it is & every one is in their cage.

We can try to swim, but we might just fall down & drown

We can try to build a set of wings & fly away, but it might not work.

 

One Day

May 28, 2013
7:10 am
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Hello One Day,

You asked if I can affect such changes? I have no control over what others choose to do but I can work on myself so at the very least I don't make anyones life harder than it has to be I do believe that there is something positive that I have to offer that has had a positive affect on some people at least that is what I have been told. I would love to watch you swim in the ocean and hope that it frees your mind the way it does mine.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

May 28, 2013
8:35 am
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Ocean Boi,

I would rather you swim alongside me than watch me.

 

One DaySmile

May 28, 2013
8:59 am
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One Day,

That would be more enjoyable.Cool

 

Ocean Boi

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

May 28, 2013
12:55 pm
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Ocean Boi,

I really truly believe that whatever our differences, when we decide to swim alongside each other towards a new & different shore, we will be doing so with a purpose.  We might not yet have the directions or the reasons, but in our hearts & our minds we know that we need to go together.  I pray that many will choose to try and swim alongside & through every quirk or movement of the waters we encounter, we will be together, trying at least to help one another get to our new destination.  If only everyone could try to remember that at one point we were at the beginning, at  some point, very together and very alone, but we were told that everything would be alright & we believed it, we trusted & had faith in whatever adventure lay before us all.

We have all the tools we need, we just need to remember on how to use them properly.  The earth is our gift, each newborn child, animal, sappling, our legacy.  Every Nation, every culture in the end, we are all one people.  As we learn to care for ourselves, we teach by example.  We imprint our values, our bounty of love, or we choose to deny & become enslaved to a cowardice of deception.

We were given the choice to choose between good & evil.  There will always be evil, there will always be those who stand for evil & those who fight to protect good.

There are many smart & powerful people who are evil

There are just as many smart people who are good who know that they do not need power to overcome obstacles, just faith,knowledge & the choice to be good.

 

One Day

May 28, 2013
6:13 pm
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One Day,

Your post was very thought provoking. The metaphorical description that you gave about swimming to a new destination with like minded people gave me a spark of new hope. Actually that's the answer I need to step away from this mess and move towards a new, positive destination.Yes, the universe does provide us with all that we need.I am very skilled at self care and being responsible and it's too damn bad I don't have anyone who is in a position to share my journey with me.

 

Ocean Boi

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

May 28, 2013
6:16 pm
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One Day,

I called her this morning & she answered her phone and said she was at a clients house and I told her that she could download her boarding pass on line 24 hours before the flight took of and she said she was going to download it today and I'm like you need to wait until it is at least 24 hours before the plane leaves.Then rushed me off the phone and said bye. I didn't hear a word from her all day but I did notice that she had been checking her FB account.I hope she has the common sense to call me when (if) she boards the plane. I had to vacuum all of the sand out of my vehicle and wash it.Then I had to clean the carpets in my place due to ants. When I questioned her about her impossible behavior last night all she could say was that she is tired from working all the time. She claims to work 16 hours a day 7 days a week with not even one day off for months. I'm not sure if that is a reason or an excuse. All I know is this type of person and I don't get along. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

May 29, 2013
3:50 am
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Ocean Boi,

you are wrong.  There is always going to be something or someone who is sharing in your journey.  True it is far nicer when it comes in the form of a human being, but it is not always possible.  Good Luck with your friend.  I don't think it's going to be a match made in heaven, but hey you never know.

 

One day

May 29, 2013
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One Day,

She already told me how thing are going to be and I already know that I'm going to do what I always do when I get frustrated and that will be to slam the proverbial door on her, shut and lock it.Since she suddenly appeared back in my life it has been pure hell no one to blame but me and my bad choices to allow it. Now it's time to bring closure and both of us agree that it will be done more quickly face to face because phone calls and texting leave a lot to be desired. I need to return the carpet cleaner this morning and run a few errands then just sit and wait.

Ocean Boi

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

May 29, 2013
12:08 pm
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One Day,

I hope all is well with you. How is your health? How is your family. What did you do today? Still haven't heard from this woman but her friend sent me a pm on FB saying that this woman lost her password to get a boarding pass. Need I say anymore? I went to the ocean in the morning and stayed until now and feel just fine. Work is very busy today. 

 

Ocean Boi

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

May 29, 2013
12:40 pm
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Ocean Boi,

you do not need to see her to actually decide to let go, but that is entirely your decision.  My health is in the process of being checked and re-checked & certain procedures/laproscopic surgeries/needles have been given & more to come soon.  What I have is slow to travel so I won't be leaving in the near future from it at least.  I am moreover concerned right now with my sisters health as she overnight went from being very well to very not well.  One more reason to take care of your health for everyone.

Today we had a mixed bag of everything weather wise & it is still a full week for me so far as chores/obligations go.  The thought of having to shoulder more caregiving for more family is not easy for me, I want to do it, but because I have so much on my plate here alone with the kids, I know I will be over loaded.  When I  overload with good intention or by sheer necessity, I eventually crash & then everyone around me feels the aftermath of that crash.

My new addiction is water.  I am on a mission to drink as much as possible & when possible I am reading quite a bit of very good books.

I am feeling more safe in my support group that I go to for parenting & the people there have been very kind.  Honestly, I don`t know what I would have done without the kindness of one particular woman there who reached out to me & made me see just how lucky I am for what I do have in this world, at least for the time being.

I hate that people have to suffer a lot & fail a lot and make so many mistakes before they learn and earn the knowledge to move on.

I just want you to know that you don`t have to keep playing the push-pull game with that girl.  No one wins from it & many might lose.

No matter what you decide, I will be here until I am not.

 

Love,

 

One Day

May 29, 2013
12:56 pm
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Dear One Day,

I feel sad because you are suffering from a health issue that from what you say is not cure.What is the prognosis for your sister? Is her condition chronic or is it one where she is expected to recover?You are taking care of and being responsible for others and that is a very admirable quality and those people in your life are lucky to have you. 

Please share with me what you have learned about the benefits of water. I have been attending a support group as well. We all have dinner, get a movie and have a discusssion it centers around improving relationship skills. The push and pull game is no more I have let go and so has she because I haven't heard from her. 

Great productive day at work.

 

Ocean Boi

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

May 29, 2013
3:03 pm
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Ocean Boi,

honestly, I really hope you do not hear from her.  Maybe in a another lifetime.  I think you did your best & probably so did she.  Having an illness that cannot be cured is not news to me.  The only cure I know that really works is a ton of prayer and just learning to let go.  The support group and the book that came with the group teaches life piles.  When I became aware of what was my life pile & what belonged to others, including my children & my family & all people with whom I need to relate, I realized that I don't need to do anything but really just focus on my life piles.  It's a little tricky with family, but still what I need to do is gauge myself to know when I need to back down or ask for help or just be myself and focus on taking care of what is for me to take care of.

I must learn to not overextend the limits of what I can realistically give without lashing out on others because I overextended.

It's hard to learn to take what you need and leave the rest.  At least I know with certainty that whatever I do need right now I have enough of, and if there comes a time when I have too much, I will most lovingly give it away to those who I feel deserve it.

My sister will recover, or at least that is the prognosis.  She has had to be the strongest for a very long time now.  I hope she accepts my support & I hope she starts to uncover the mask she has worn for many years.  She is the eldest, but in the end she is just a woman trying her best to manage.

 

I gotta go,

 

One Day

May 29, 2013
4:02 pm
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Ocean Boi,

seriously?  After my passage about swimming, and all the times we have spoken at length about water, do you really need me to tell you what the benefits of water are?

I think maybe the Beluga Whale might know a fair bit more than I do on the topic!Embarassed

 

Some people need rehab, I my friend just need a lot of water.   I need to drink it, I need to play in it, swim in it & one day it might provide strengths that the world can harness realistically to survive.

 

One Day

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