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to guest (from U-turn)
September 2, 2000
11:24 am
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eve
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Guest,

You feel bad, when you are whith winners and good whith loosers?
Would you prefer to feel good whith winners and bad whith loosers ? Seriously?
I guess that this mainly tells you, that you feel different from the others. That’s a good place to start, isn’t it?

Your question about this winners/loosers thing made me think quite a lot about the categories we use every day when we interact whith people. Everybody does it to some extent – and it seems to make things easier. You don’t have to consider all possible aspects of the personality of the person you’re interacting whith and the precise aspects of the situation at hand and so you can take decisions much quicker if you use some categories like: reliable/unreliable, good thinker/stupid, usually gives good advice/usually talks nonsense, can handle anything/can’t cope ...... The important thing is to keep in mind that everybody is alive and therefor can change or can be „inconsistent“ to some degree. Sometimes I find it difficult when I „decided“ that I don’t like somebody - to have this somebody do something I find very nice. Silly, but true! I have to be very careful whith myself that I don’t get annoyed by other peoples actions – just because they don’t fit whith the mental picture that I have of them.

Putting people in categories only seems to make things easier, in fact it makes it more difficult to keep an open eye, ear and heart. But sometimes it is really difficult to get people out of that categories I put them in. And it’s even more difficult if ist me that I put into one category or the other.

🙂 Eve

September 3, 2000
6:29 pm
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thanks :). well i put people into categories (winners or losers) but i make it flexible. for example i know of one friend who is like me.. but probably he's not aware of it, or maybe he is. he behaves ok if around losers but if he's around some people who have heads on their shoulders, he'll behave different and pathetically. something like that.

but i know this categorizing people.. i shouldnt do it much. the saying that said something like if you judge then u'll also be judged. well its ok if u dont care what people are thinking about you..

one of my friend says i judge too quickly on people but i tell him atleast i can give a rough idea of them. i read somewhere that one learns this people watching habit too much, if u had a childhood in which e.g. when your parents was always judging you. my mother used to say 'you know what? you're a sick minded person' or 'u're an idiot' 'u're greedy, selfish, ungrateful..etc.'

she was always watching me like a criminal, i guess i learnt that habit of watching people too closely. i know i should be more indifferent towards people but habits die hard! sometimes its funs watching people sometimes not, like you said, if you let someone annoy you.

September 3, 2000
11:15 pm
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guess i didnt answer completely ur questions..
i would prefer if i felt good all the times, irrespective of whoever was around me. but if i had to chose between between the two, i would chose feeling good around losers and bad around winners (instead of good around winners and bad around losers). if i'm feeling bad around winners, atleast i feel comfortable that they'll treat my feling bad indifferently. but if i feel bad around losers, they themselves dont know how to deal with me, so its dangerous, e.g. if they got in a temper and i still didnt make things better in the argument cause i was too mixed up myself like them. for survival maybe, the thing comes up automatically that when around losers, i think i HAVE to get better otherwise there will be no one around to manage things (e.g an argument or fight could erupt).

e.g. if i go to fastfood with a loser sort of person, i know that if i dont stragiten up, something bad could happen, e.g. we would get embarrased in some way so i know that i HAVE to stay vigilant. its like being with an elder who knows the way as opposed to being with a child who doesnt. with the child, you sense that u're the one responsible now. with the adult you know you can relax since he can handle it.

how i start to feel bad around winners could be that i relax in the situation (like being with an elder) and then i start comparing myself that he seems more adult and mature than me. i wonder if this makes sense or am i making non-sense.
hmmm.

all i wish that my behavior could be independent of what ever type of people are around me. that is the real free spirit.

September 4, 2000
9:36 pm
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thanks for making this thread, gives me more space to complain.. hmm.

lief sucks as usual, i saw someone who has female friends. why dont i have any? not even male friends. phew.

September 5, 2000
11:15 am
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eve
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I have enough female friends, just looking for some suitable males (just one good one would be enough!)
😉

September 6, 2000
7:31 am
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suitable male.. hmm..i guess that leaves ME out! .. hehe.. well ... i dont trust anyone.. its a bad thing.. i know. i should trust people. i lose many good prospective friends cause i dont trust them at some time or the othe other when it is very necessary to trust them. its gonna take time.. i hope.
what do u expect from your friends?

September 6, 2000
10:52 am
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What do I expect form my friends? Phew, difficult question. I try not to expect a lot of things from them. One of the most important thing for me ist that my friends can "let me be", and don't try to shape me into something that they think is good for me (I had enough of that in my family) - or something that is good for them. It sometimes is hard to give this to friends. Openness to all kind of areas, interest in a lot of things, having fun together, being able to listen. My best friends mainly come from doing things together (school, university, flat mates...). I don't necessarily need a lot of trust in building a friendship - more like experience together and getting to know each other. Have to go to the phone now, by

September 11, 2000
10:36 pm
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eve did u want to make me a friend?

September 12, 2000
11:08 am
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u know, i'm very good at turning off people.. 🙁 .. its sad i guess.. but its true.

September 12, 2000
11:39 am
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hi guest,

whith me it's not like a "formal act" when I make a friend. We rather do things together and spend time together, and then some time I realize that I have a friend. I didn't mean to chat you up, though.

So I'd like to anser your question, but not whith "yes" or "no", rather whith "this question doesn't suit my perception of reality". Somebody told me that there is a word for this third kind of answer in some eastern languages - don't know if it's true, but I like the thought.
Make sense?
Eve

September 12, 2000
6:29 pm
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maybe ..

September 12, 2000
11:23 pm
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i didnt get it, whats this third sense?

September 13, 2000
11:15 am
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ummm my mind has stopped working for some time, but i'm sleepy thats why.

man i'm getting blow upon blow. i got a job rejection, i got rejection by a girl i liked, some people hate me, but i know they're losers. still they make my life hell. all that hatred in the air. rejections, blows, strikes. ahh..

September 13, 2000
8:39 pm
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heaches, i'm hungry, me and my roomate hate each other, i got rejected by a company and some girls. i hate my mother, my father is an insecure person. my elder sister doesnt understand me, my hair is falling out, i dont have ample money, my computer screen sucks, it gives me a headache sometimes. nothing works in my life. wow. so many other things too. studies suck. i'm almost doing something like dropping out of school, cause my grades are so low, i cant graduate as yet. i'll have to forget the degree and just find a job, thats one option. whats the point of this life? i turn everyone off, no one wants me or to hear my complaints which is natural i guess. who wants to hear complaints. but thats all i have to say about life cause it sucks. damnit.

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