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To Everyone, With Love , Artist
January 11, 2002
12:41 pm
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artist
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I’ve been thinking a lot about all of us and myself in particular. We all have different issues, we have all sought out this web site for different reasons, looking for answers, looking for consolation, looking for validation for the answers we already have to our problems but are unsure of, looking for friends or family because the people in our lives have failed us or abused us or abandoned us or we are simply afraid to talk to them about what is bothering us because we think they won’t understand or that they will condemn us. We come here when we need help but we stay and try and reach out to others who need help because we can and that makes us grow and then a bond is formed between ourselves and the ones who have helped us or who we have helped and A TRIBE IS BORN!!
I held a mistaken idea when I first started posting on these threads. I wanted to believe that once I learned what my problems were and once I learned what I needed to learn to fix those problems that, well, that was all I had to do. I could slap a few coats of varnish on it and call it good.--yeah, right--and I’m Glenda the good witch of the north.

No, it’s just like any other dream I’ve had and gone after—the reality of that dream is so vastly different once it is achieved that it is hardly recognizable. The reality of this dream is that the work I need to do to “fix” my problems is ongoing--day by day, minute by minute--there will be times when I backslide and get suicidal--or homicidal--depending on the situation—but I am in control of how I feel—it is a choice I make—to feel bad or good—-people could have held me down and made me eat earth worms for 20 years—but the day after they stopped, if I am walking through a park after a rainstorm and there are a number of earthworms on the path and I have a fear reaction to those earthworms—understandable as it may be—it is no one’s fear but my own—-those earthworms on the path didn’t squiggle up to me and jump in my mouth, they were just hanging out trying not to drown after a heavy rain.

Anyway, all you counselors out there know all this and I might be severely arrested in my development—I could blame it on all the pot I smoked for 31 years—day after day—everyday—whatever—the cause no longer matters—I’ve got the effect in my hand—-and that is the only thing I can change—-as hard as it may be to control my fear of earthworms—-a constant effort, backsliding included—-the only person who can do is me. What I get from ya’ll is support, insight—sometimes I can truly NOT see the forest for the trees—-humor—which is a staple—-and an opportunity to learn about you—-all of you— and how you survive your issues and that inspires me to do my own work and learn how to survive mine.

And there is a perk to all this—as if the above weren’t enough--there is the bonus of self discovery—-I find myself moving in directions that I previously had been afraid to—-the process is kind of a feng shui of the spirit—-get rid of the clutter and you have room for all kinds of new and beautiful things.

Artist:)

January 11, 2002
1:08 pm
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gingerleigh
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*smile* this is an inspiration, Artist. Peace to you today.

January 11, 2002
1:16 pm
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Molly
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Very nicely expressed.

January 11, 2002
1:58 pm
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artist
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Naah! Just childlike. Want to go out for a pasgetti dinner? or does that look too much like worms for ya??

January 11, 2002
9:25 pm
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SuzyQ
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Artist,
Thanks for bringin' all this up. I am a counselor but also a client as well. Sometimes, I just read and am afraid to post, but I go in spurts where I do post. I have warm fuzzies goin' on also 🙂

Blondie and Artist,
You're both hilarious. I once stepped on a worm with my bare foot and screamed. Hey, the poor thing was minding it's own business anyway, right? It wasn't crushed or anything and I think was okay. Plus even if they break in half, EEEEwe, I'm not even going into that w/o getting majorly grossed out.
~SuzyQ 🙂

January 11, 2002
9:31 pm
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atw
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Artist..you are great. You yourself have helped me. I have only been posting about a week, and not much (I'm getting more comfortable now) But in just that short amount of time I find that you are absolutely right. This site has become my source of strength and advice. Frankly, everyone else is tired of listening....I don't think you all will ever get tired. Thanks to all.. And Artist, I couldn't have said it better myself.

Oh and I hate worms too and love pasghetti!!!!!

January 11, 2002
10:36 pm
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pam g fu
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Artist, Blondie, Molly and All

here it is friday night and look where i am, artist you have put alot of time and positive feedback to all of us and your time that you have spent with your thoughts mean the world to us as well as the others on this thread. i can always look to ya'll for an honest, funny, witty and amazing things from ya'll thanks. artist since you are in houston we should get together.

January 14, 2002
8:46 am
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artist
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Yep, pam--we should--does this mean you are in Houston, too? I knew you've been talking about Texas but I didn't catch if you were in or near Houston.

I just would like to inform ya'll that all the warm fuzzies that ya'll expressed as a reaction to this thread made me cry. I just got finished with a weekend chock full of backsliding and have been feeling like an earthworm myself--I'm practicing yoga breathing to calm my anxieties which are currently many and
have been ganging up on me--or more accurately--I've been allowing to gang up on me. Just to know all of you are out there and to know that we all have our strong as well as our weak moments and that we are accepted no matter which ones we are having when we reach out is comforting in itself.
Love ya'll--Artist:)

January 14, 2002
12:24 pm
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pam g fu
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artist

i believe we live right down the street from each other you can email me at home at [email protected] and maybe we can get together for dinner or something

January 14, 2002
12:30 pm
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Cool, will do--I generally post from work and my b.f. has his own computer which he always uses so I don't have an email I can chat on but(see the dark circle thread)--maybe we can meet at the food court in northwest mall sometime.

January 14, 2002
3:52 pm
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Molly
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Please note, that this is an unofficial tribal meeting, those not invited, well your geographically handicaped, and there is nothing personal, genderbased, or what ever intended. disclaimer---- you two are so lucky.

January 15, 2002
8:28 am
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artist
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Whoops, didn't think of that one Molly--of course all other tribal members are more than welcome--I would love to meet you all--nope, nothing personal or genderbased or whatever intended--I guess this puts a new meaning on geographically challenged.

Artist:)

January 15, 2002
9:27 am
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scherza
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Y'all are in HOUSTON?!?!! So am I! Wow. I really thought I was the loner from the Lone Star state! ha!

January 15, 2002
9:45 am
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scherza
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I think I would enjoy meeting you all sometime in a public place...but please don't feel obligated to include me. I do understand how two people can really bond and become best friends...and it can look like leaving the others out...but actually it is just getting closer to someone that you find shares a lot in common and improves your sense of connection to the world. I am very happy for you Pam and Artist!!! I really am.

January 15, 2002
9:55 am
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artist
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Hey, were not getting married or anything like that! 🙂

Which side of Houston do you live in, scherza?

This is weird. Maybe we ought to consider Houston as the site for the tribal meeting if this keeps up--or at least see about getting a gruop rate from Houston to Vegas.

Artist:)

January 15, 2002
10:04 am
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artist
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Blondie's dyslexia has now rubbed off on me--DYSLEXICS UNITE!!!--WE AREN'T GOING TO TAKE IT ANY MORE--WE'RE DAM(Whoops, I mean mad)

Artist:)

January 15, 2002
10:11 am
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scherza
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I live in The Woodlands...that great golf course in the North. I travail to the Big City when I need neural stimulation....

Personally, I think that Colorado Springs has a certain appeal for a tribal meeting...lots of beautiful countryside and a sort of middle location for MOST tribal members...except NYC! Maybe Houston would be more central......?

You all can get married if you want to...:) It is a free country!

January 15, 2002
1:28 pm
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scherza--I think that there are others from Texas hiding out there--but need their anonymity.

Neural stimulation--Walmart doesn't do it for ya, huh?

Maybe that's the source of my problems--too much neural stimulation.

I'm not making waves about the tribal meeting location--but a group reduced fare sure would be nice.

Artist:)

January 15, 2002
2:18 pm
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scherza
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Artist, I get traumatized whenever I go to Walmart because their intercom system sounds just like my hospital emergency code signal. Whenever they want to announce a sale on aisle 14, my heart jumps into fight-or-flight while I wait to hear what unit has the crashing patient. I suppose that qualifies for neural stimulation...but usually want to get away from that on my day off. 🙂

I am sure there are others on here from Texas...and anonymity is a precious asset these days. I am still not quite sure I want to give up mine. I have to think about it.

January 15, 2002
2:37 pm
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That's perfectly understandable--I fear that pam had second thoughts, too because she's disappeared--and that's OK--this is a safe place--everyone here needs to feel safe--and it is a scarey world out there--it's hard to say some of the things that we say on this site--and then meet the people who have responded to our posts face to face--even I had second thoughts but someone once told me that I have no self image--and maybe that's true--the stuff that scares me isn't what others who meet me think after reading my array of problems--it's what I think of myself everyday and what I do based on my own opinions of myself--now that's some scarey territory--Mr. King--eat your heart out.

Artist:)

January 15, 2002
2:52 pm
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scherza
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I think that I would really like to meet you, Artist. You are pretty cool. You can write to me at [email protected], if you are interested. Take whatever time you like.

January 15, 2002
2:54 pm
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scherza
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Anyone else want to write to me, they can, too.... Please don't be upset if you don't hear from me for a while during certain periods. I am either really super busy or, like today, I am goofing off. Usually I am not able to goof off.....:)

I will answer all letters.

January 16, 2002
12:59 pm
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pam g fu
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HEY ARTIST AND SCHERZA TO ALL ALL YA'LL CAN WRITE ME TOO AT [email protected] ALSO AND I ALSO WILL ANSWER ALL, LET'S ALL GET TOGETHER ARTIST.

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