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To Bitsy
December 16, 2010
12:00 am
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chinadoll
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Bf
girl,

I simply said that
I don't pay attention to what goes on in Hollywood, because I don't
know the people personally. I was referring to the gossip and
tabloids and such. I have nothing against the actors and people in
the entertainment industry. I would not go so far as to say they
are narcissistic. Many of them, I have found, value their privacy,
and when they are not working, they stay out of the limelight and
try to have "normal" family lives.

To clarify, when I
said that I do not know them, so I do not need to know about them,
I had experiences with co-workers who would get reallly wrapped up
with the goings-on of celebrities, to the point where they would
have long conversations about them, as if they were actually
friends with them. As tho they had actually attended the parties,
and spoke about them on a first-name basis. Like they would ask me
"What do you think about Brad and Angie?" and I'm thinking, "who
the hell are Brad and Angie?" not realizing they were talking about
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

I did not mean to
cause that misunderstanding.

As for your
comment about FB, the "new whore of the month", I am not sure what
you meant by that, since I don't do FB. I was confused about
that.

December 16, 2010
12:00 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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Just
a lot of sleazy women from hs who act like they are 20...its sad
really...just do not want to be a part of it...seeing it...you
know! Augh!

December 16, 2010
12:00 am
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puptent
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Bitsy, I think your dream might be trying to tell you that the
old Bitsy is gone and the new Bitsy is alive and well and doing
fine. Your improvements might be alarming and confusing to you
right now, but the dream is showing you that you are OK. Some
believe that everything in our dreams is symbolic and everything we
dream about is about the dreamer.

December 16, 2010
12:00 am
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chinadoll
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Bitsy,

My best-best
friend IRL is able to interpret dreams. She studies them, and she
is also clairvoyant.

I have not
channeled my abilities to interpret dreams, so I am not able to
really dissect it to give a good input. I have enough problem with
my own dreams and nightmares!

I like what
puptent said. It sounds like a very good account, and I can agree
that the old Bitsy is gone.

{{HUGS}} for that!
YAY!!

December 16, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Pup
and China, thank you for your input on the dream. I kinda wondered
something along those lines but thought I would post it and see if
there was anything anyone else saw in it.

EVERYONE

I am working on
me. I have my next appointment on Monday. I have a lot of reading
and "work" to do over the weekend as I have had a busy
week.

I have to work on
the goals sheet the therapist gave me. If I have time I will post
the questions and see what you guys think.

I am trying not to
post too much on other threads although I do read some of them. I
am kind of feeling like "people who live in glass houses should not
throw stones". I am broken and raw and picking at scabs in my own
life so I don't need to be telling anyone else what to do. It isn't
that I don't care. I am just being careFUL.

I was talking to a
friend and told her that I had made the appointment with the
therapist to tie up some loose ends. She asked me if I found those
ends unraveling. Boy are they!

Bitsy

December 16, 2010
12:00 am
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MsGuided
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So
Bitsy doodle...I'm coming here now 'cause Hep needs a
break!LOL

Re: your Dec 10th
post about broken promises, trust and integrity? ( summing it
up)

Do you feel like
life is sometimes like Survivor? ( or survivor imitates
life?)

I felt ILL with
what happened to Jane. Do you understand?

Being honest,
kind, passive and giving doesn't seem to reep rewards like they
should. People are chained to the almighty dollar, and care more
about "stuff", status and so on. Selfishness. But Jane put out the
fire she started cause they didn't appreciate her, or pay her her
due. If somebody builds you a fire to keep you warm, isn't that
person owed some respect? Perhaps put a chicken on there to feed
the fire builder? Jane was doing it all and her people lied to
her.

Oh. About "over
there" in the realm of dark and light? It will ALL be OK! I had to
say "Stop". Nobody else was there at the time to keep things in
perspective.

Thanks Bits. I do
read here and i am really inspired by your journey.

Be
well!

December 16, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Thanks MsGuided. You have been a tremendous help in my growth.
You are one of the few people I can disagree with and not feel like
you come back and attack me with both barrels.

Some of this had
to do with the thread I started on "Safe People" and not feeling
safe here on AAC. I have sort of felt like I needed to say hey wait
a minute don't bite the hand that feeds you.

In the end I
choose to be a survivor not a victim. You can only ride that "my
mother was an alcoholic" train so long...ya know?

Bitsy

December 16, 2010
12:00 am
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MsGuided
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Yea.And i can't ride the "My Mom was a Narcissist " my Dad her
willing servent and my sibs are piled on top of me so heavy i can't
budge, anymore either.

I think I'm
screwing up right now tho.

December 16, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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I
don't see you screwing up. You are welcome to hang out
here.

Bitsy

December 16, 2010
12:00 am
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puptent
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MSG
& Bitsy, my mother in her golden years is still riding on her
parents were an alcoholic, every man that she chose to bring into
her life screwed her over blah, blah, blah. I broke the cycle by
living on my own and devoted my life to my children.

December 16, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Pup
that is sort of where I am as well. I have a 13 year old daughter.
I have been divorced since 2004. I dated someone who totally
screwed me up beyond what my childhood was like. He robbed me of
me.

There are times I
am so lonely that I feel desperate and then for the most part I am
happy.

The guy I work
with had knee surgery and can't drive. I spent today being his
personal driver and checking on things and attending meetings with
him. At one property we were checking on the work a handyman was
doing as the new owners were coming in tonight. I don't like that
particular handy man. He has made passes at me in the past and I
have told D about it. When I got back in the truck D said something
and I replied along the lines of you knew he would make a pass. He
asked what was said and I told him that apparently I was
particularly good looking today. D being a man didn't understand
why I wasn't flattered. I told him that when I started looking
again I was setting my sites just a little higher than that. D is
of the opinion that women should just take the compliment no matter
where it comes from, so what if it comes from a sleazy man. We also
had this conversation before when I told him someone had called me
for a booty call. My reply to that was "My name starts with "&"
He was drunk in a bar, how many calls do you think he had to make
before he got to my number?" Thanks but no thanks.

It is late in my
time zone and I am signing off. To all a good night and sweet and
pleasant dreams to all.

Bitsy

December 17, 2010
12:00 am
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puptent
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Bitsy, I can understand when a person is young and attractive
wanting to try to find a suitable partner. When I finally realized
all the time I wasted on relationships I decided to find things in
life I was better at. If a strange man goes out of his way to make
a compliment I would assume that means he is attracted to someone
usually sexually so I can understand how it would make someone
feel. Not the best way to try and get to know someone unless their
looking for the same thing.

December 17, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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China, thank you. I am honored that I am one you trust and feel
safe with. I by no means have your abilities but I am learning to
trust the little tickle in the hairs on the back of my
neck.

For too long I
took people at face value and trusted until they proved they were
untrustworthy. I once wrote a description of myself that I trusted
and forgave too easily and was always left stunned when the very
ones who hurt me hurt me again.

Gradually I am
shifting. About dang time I will be 43 in January!

I promise to
always try to make this a safe thread. You are welcome to sit and
rest a while here. I value you.

Bitsy

December 17, 2010
12:00 am
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chinadoll
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Bitsy, Yes, tune into your instincts!

I do want to
respond also to what you wrote about the man. I will check back in
when I can. I have a lot to do today!

December 19, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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I
have a session with the therapist tomorrow and I am far from ready.
I just havent' been able to make myself read the book. So many
emotions swirling. I took a tongue lashing from my aunt on Friday
but have decided just to drop it and move forward. She is looking
at having her son die and she was looking for someone to lash out
at. My number happened to come up. I called her this morning on my
way to church so there would be a definate end to the
conversation.

Bitsy

December 19, 2010
12:00 am
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MsGuided
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Hi
Bitsy.

Your cousin is an
alcoholic, wonder what sent him there? The blame is flying about.
Auntie can't be responsible? and it's everyone elses
fault.

Where is his
support system? ( friends) ;0/

It's nice to share
our stuff, and be able to laff a bit too. ;0)

I hope your
therapy session goes well.

How the heck can
ya do that during the Holidays?You better not have a weak moment
and baste the Turkey with a Crying jag! could get very
Salty.

Oh man. 5 days to
go!

Be
well!

December 19, 2010
12:00 am
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chinadoll
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Bitsy, I am feeling pretty drained, too. Trying to psyche
myself up to go out and get some errands done. Tomorrow I have a
busy day...total 6 hours driving time to an appt (3 hrs there, 3
back)--if no traffic and it doesn't rain too much. Not looking
forward to it, so I need to drag myself to get moving.

As to the book,
perhaps just skim over some points if you are not able to read
right now. Not sure what chapter you are on, but there are some
portions in bold that you can focus on, if just enough for your
session tomorrow.

If there is a
portion you need help on, post it here and when I get back in a
while, I can go over it with you..doing the Cliff Notes version
together to get you thru for tomorrow!! =)

December 19, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Thanks MsG. Yep. Cousin is 49 and grew up in Miami in the back
in the day. He has shared with me in the past some of the stuff he
did. He moved up here about 10 years ago to get away from that life
because he had been through and alcohal treatment facility. He knew
then that if he went back to drinking his chances weren't looking
so good. He is responsible for this. I have also realized that in
addition to being angry with him and hurt for what he did to me in
crossing a boundary I am also angry at him for putting his mother
throught this.

I also realize
that my aunt enjoys being the martyr. She is the oldest girl in the
family and sees herself as the matriarch now. She gave many years
of her life caring for my grandmother...but that was her choice.
There were assets that could have taken care of my grandmother in a
nursing home. Now another aunt has control of those assets and will
not sell them and settle the estate. My grandmother will be dead 3
years on New Years Day. Time to sell it and divide the assets. I
stand to inherit my father's portion but by the time it is divided
up there really won't be much to speak of.

I don't know I am
an only child so I really don't know how to navigate the family
cesspool. It seems to me from observation that siblings can fight
amongst themselves but when the chips are down they rally for each
other. I have never had that.

I really am
feeling my ALONENESS this holiday season.

Bitsy

December 19, 2010
12:00 am
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China, tomorrow we are supposed to discuss goals. I think that
is why I have failed to prepare. GOALS I have already written what
I think is my problem there.

Do you have any
insight to offer?

Anyone?

Bitsy

December 19, 2010
12:00 am
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MsGuided
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(((Bitsy))) U Can opt to think of who's is there. If u need
company reach out for it.

I am choosing to
pay little attention to my deficits and focus on what's here now.
My Dad left for Florida yesterday, but he did reach otu and i felt
better when he left. HE is coming around and changing a
bit.

Having 3 other
sibs ( had 4 but one sister ased away as u know)didn't work out
well for me and many others. Never a rally when i am having trouble
of any sort.

I have a better
time with my friends, IL's, D and my son anyway.Once i shifted my
focus away from what wasn't validating or bringing me joy to
creating better relationships things got better.

It takes time.
You'll get there. :0)

The culmination of
female "issues" and last night has me in a bad way today. I really
need a tylenol and lay down. Later missy!

December 19, 2010
12:00 am
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chinadoll
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Bitsy, Just start small. Maybe look over the goals you have
written, see which is the most important one, and focus on that
one. Or maybe the top two. That might take up most of your time for
the session tomorrow anyway. And then just build on that. Think of
it as a process, and not a race to the finish line.

Or, talk about in
general with the therapist (can't remember if it is a man or a
woman) why it is so difficult for you to set goals. Instead of the
goals themselves, speak about the "why" of it.

Perhaps this will
help you from being overwhelmed by it all.

I will be back in
a while and I'll check in with you.

December 19, 2010
12:00 am
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chinadoll
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Bitsy, I am back from doing errands if you want to
talk.

December 20, 2010
12:00 am
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KareLoveLy
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Hi,hope all is well with you..Have a great
holiday!<3

December 20, 2010
12:00 am
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Kare,
Good to see you Baby Girl. I hope all is going well. Give Bella Boo
a kiss from GiGi.

China,and all
thanks for the support. I had another exhausting day yesterday but
I think I have finally caught up on my sleep and am better
today.

I will let you all
know how therapy goes this morning.

Bitsy

December 21, 2010
12:00 am
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KareLoveLy
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Hi,Bitsy a.k.a Aunty GIGI I gave Bella a kiss and hug from
you;)..Thanks...

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