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To all My Valentines......acj
February 1, 2004
9:23 am
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acj
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Hello Everyone:

I just wanted to see if you all would be my Valentines this year? I was really hoping to spend it with my ex. He probably wouldn't have bought me anything anyways...He's quite a miser, worse than I am... 🙂 But, needless to say, I'm not with him anymore..

SO...Will you be my Valentines????????

((((hugs)))))

acj

February 1, 2004
1:26 pm
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chloeysmomma
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i will be acj hugs chloeysmomma

February 1, 2004
1:30 pm
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why her
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yes

February 1, 2004
2:26 pm
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sixfootblonde
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Hey girl!

Sure, why not? Seems like thru the years and thru all the men in our lives, my girlfriends and I could always count on each other. What would ya like for Vday? Chocolates, a nice bottle of champagne to celebrate the growth you're achieving, or maybe just a sweet little enameled glasses case? See I bought myself an imaginary glasses case like that and told myself I was putting away my rose colored glasses in them, facing life with a renewed set of goals and expectations. Felt pretty good, that's my early bday present to myself this year. Whatcha think?

February 1, 2004
2:28 pm
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Zinnie
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I'll happily be your Valentine...

Don't know about the little red LOUD dog, I think he has a crush on Boland!

Z.

February 1, 2004
2:28 pm
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sixfootblonde
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Actually we could get an order going here on the boards and see how many of us could use someplace to put those rose colored glasses that enabled our codependency upon whatever it was for each of us. Maybe if we could get a large order we could get a bargain!

😉

February 1, 2004
2:44 pm
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Tumbleweed8
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Yes, I'll be. Better than last year when I took myself out to eat and bought myself a box of chocolates thinking it would make me feel better, but it didn't work. Thought I heard doing those kinds of things helped.

February 1, 2004
3:24 pm
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mentaljedi
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of course i wll! xxoo godbless

February 1, 2004
3:27 pm
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Zinnie
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HI SFB,

I think in your line of work, perhaps some rosy views are useful.

Sometimes, I think I need to go buy a pair - as I find I'm becomming more cynical as time goes on for me.

But, in any case, I hope all of you have a wonderful Valentine's Day.

Remember, all of you - love yourself first, the rest is easy.

Z.

February 1, 2004
4:10 pm
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acj
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Awwwwwww... You guys are the greatest. I don't know why this year is so much more difficult for me... I haven't had a Valentines since my daughter's dad... 10 years ago. Today is difficult for me. My ex and I always watch the football games. I love football and he'd watch it with me even though he didn't care that much for it... And we were going to spend today together... Ugh!! Why does it still hurt?? Why do I keep thinking that I made a mistake. Me staying with him just so I won't be alone is just as bad as him not being able to give his entire self to me.... UUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! Okay, I feel better now.. 🙂 I went on a "date" today with a different guy. I hate dating... He wasn't very "responsible" feeling... But I did go out even though I didn't want to. I figure I'll give every guy that asks me out one date. If nothing, then I'll move along. But I'm not going to get too attached to one guy for quite a while. I'll go out, get my ego stroked, and come home alone.

Now for the best part, the highlight of my entire Super Bowl/Valentines Day pity party.... I went to the gyno last week. I found out that my ex gave me genital warts... So, now I feel like I'm used/worthless goods. I wasn't going to tell anyone because I feel so ashamed now... You guys are the only ones who know. I don't even know if he knew he had them.... Well, not only did he break my heart but I will have something to remember him by FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!! My gyno said that even though we used condoms, you cannot protect yourself from genital warts with condoms.. So, for everyone that didn't know this, please protect yourself!!!!!!

***sniff*** I feel like SHIT right now.... How could it get any worse???

acj

February 1, 2004
5:09 pm
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vegas
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acj,

I'm sorry about the warts. I wish I knew what to say. I got checked back in Nov. for std's. Luckily I got a clean bill...but I plan on going back maybe two-three months from now. (In case you're not familiar...my ex and I slept with each other a couple AFTER he got married. He doesn't use condoms...never did when we were together. And I don't expect he wear them with wifey...unless she wants to get pregnant.) UGH! Okay, enough thoughts of that.

This is how I'm going to deal with the big V-day...I just going to think of it as any other day...cuz that's pretty much what it is. WHy is it that there should be just one day to celebrate romance and love with the one you love? Shouldn't that be every day? I don't know...that's how I think.

This is for ya, acj...and big bouquet of your fav. flowers arranged in a football helmet. signed: Happy Super Bowl Sunday! your friend, vegas

😉

February 1, 2004
5:19 pm
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lostman
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I sure will, if you will be mine. At one time I thought this year would be bad, but I think it is going to be good.

lostman

February 1, 2004
6:15 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi AJC,

I'm beginning to feel like someone's mother...

Please be sure to get checked for HIV/AIDS now, in six months and in a year.

Also regarding the warts... did they also tell you that they can lead to cervical cancer? I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You now know for sure he was nothing more than a creep. Also, I guess legally if not morally you are supposed to let him know, if he doesn't do anything about it - he can be held responsible. Not that I would want to be the one calling the CDC, but you get the idea.

Sorry... I really am.

Zinnie

February 1, 2004
6:29 pm
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acj
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Hey Zinnie:

He's Navy.. I thought they checked for that stuff all the time??

I guess I just thought condoms and the fact that he was military would REALLY reduce my chance of having any difficulties in that area....

Yeah, I heard about the cervical cancer thing.... I'm already having difficulty with ovarian cysts and such... I'm only 30 for crying out loud!! I feel like a 60 year old...

Well, at least I have one child. I may never be able to have any more. Not that I'd really want to bring another child into this pissy world....

Sorry, I'm just really pissed at myself for being so STUPID and GULLABLE!!!! I'm not going to say a word to the asshole.... Let his internet girlfriends find out the hard way..... Geez, that is an awful attitude but I've just really had it with him......... UGH!!!!

Where are all the DECENT, NICE guys!!!!!!!! There has to be ONE in the world!!!!! It must be true... The good ones are married or gay...

acj

February 1, 2004
6:36 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi ACJ,

Sadly, the military is a hotbed for STD's because they will not wear the condoms - even though they are provided.

Feel free to vent all you want... I started with ovarian problems, then uterine, became cancer, had a hysterectomy before I was 37, and am now back on chemo. So, if you need me to listen, I will.

Keep going and getting your check ups - do NOT let one slide because this can be a deadly silent killer.

Z.

February 1, 2004
10:10 pm
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acj
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Hey Zinnie:

Well, I went for an ultrasound about 4 months ago...The "special" one...They found a "mass" on my right ovary and a "cyst" on my left one. They put me on "hormone" pills to try and shrink the left cyst. They told me to be prepared to go into surgury for my right one because it didn't look good. Well, after 2 months, the right one disappeared... I prayed a lot but the left one was still there and hadn't shrunk any. That really surprised the doctors because they were expecting the opposite to happen. Well, I'm supposed to go back for another ultrasound next month. They didn't want to take my ovaries because I "so young" but... I just don't want to take a chance... I kind of just wish they'd take it all out. It's not serving any purpose except for getting me in trouble...

No... That's not a good attitude to have... I'm just so mad at myself... It was stupid, stupid, stupid... I have 8 years of college under my belt and the I.Q. of a genius, supposedly, and I keep doing the same stupid stuff.... When will I ever learn???

Zinnie, any idea if there is ANY chance I can pass this to my daughter? I know it is a virus...and I know it is usually only transmitted through sexual contact.. I just want to make sure. I'll look it up on WebMD, also...

Z, I'm also sorry you're having to go through all that.... It really makes you wonder what causes this stuff... I thought it was jet fuel from the base here... I know a lot of people with cancer and I'm the chairperson for the local Relay for Life... It just never seems to end....

Thanks, Z, for listening.... I'll take any more advice you have floating around in that wonderful head of yours.... 🙂

((((hugs))))

acj

February 1, 2004
10:25 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi AJC,

That happened to me a few times. The one they thought would go away wouldn't and the one they thought would need to be removed, evaporated.

The other thing, and I'm sure your Dr.'s did not tell you this... is if you start having indigestion, and a lot of gas - GO GET CHECKED.

This happened to me, they ran every possible test, and kept telling me that there was nothing wrong. I finally had another attack, and my husband was taking me to the hospital, and I said "forget it, take me to Dr. B." - who is my wonderful family Dr. I had a PAP that came back normal in December. In March, it was stage III cancer. It can happen that fast.

I honestly do not know what the chances are that you could spread this to your daughter - or anyone else that you only live with. I would venture because it is a virus, there may be a slim chance it could be passed. I think I would encourage you to spray your commode seats with Lysol - but that is just me. Definitely look it up and talk to you Dr. as well. Also, I highly recommend that you find a good family Dr. or even a female Dr. that you like a lot. That has made all the difference in the world for me.

Don't beat yourself up over it, at this point there is nothing you can do. Morally? I think I would at least let him know what you have been diagnosed with - although I would probably just send a note and not talk directly to him. But, that is me. I know you are angry and hurt right now, and justifiably so.

This is not a reflection on your intelligence - or anything else... sweetie - you were duped, and it happens. You trusted him with your heart and your body - and he took advantage of that. It does not make you any less of a person. O.K.?

Love,

Zinnie

February 2, 2004
12:26 pm
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acj
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Thanks, Zinnie:

You always know exactly the right thing to say at the right moment....

I appreciate you.....

acj

February 2, 2004
12:44 pm
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Zinnie
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Thank you for the compliment ACJ - actually, most of the time I walk around with my size 9 shoe in my mouth.

However, the little red LOUD dog wants you to be his Valentine. Which is why he is standing on the desk kissing the screen!

Love,

Zinnie

February 2, 2004
1:05 pm
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Kessie
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Hi, acj, I'll join your valentine club
just have a look at this, - I was saving it for the 14th, but I guess i can put it here again on the day!

valentine

Hope it works

Cheers, K

February 2, 2004
1:05 pm
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Wanttobewell
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Of course acj,,,,I love being someone'w valentine!!!!!

Sorry to hear about the other stuff,,,

I need a case for my rose-colored glasses as well!!!! and of course,,,all of the chocolate I can possibly ingest (which is a lot)!!!

W.

February 4, 2004
4:13 am
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Zinnie
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Hi ACJ,

Had not heard from you for a few days. Just checking on you to see how you are holding up.

Love,

Zinnie

February 4, 2004
4:56 am
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Er - could I order a pair of the rose tinted specs please?.....not for myself, you understand.....

K

February 4, 2004
9:47 am
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acj
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Hey Zinnie:

I'm doing better... The Super Bowl is over. I really don't think Valentines is going to be so bad with all the Valentines I have here! 🙂

My ex has put his personal ad back up on the internet. He put it up after a week. I put mine up the day before I broke up with him. So, I feel a little better knowing that he hasn't "hooked" up with an internet girl. They probably didn't like him but he liked them... Oh well.. He lost one of the best women he'll ever find. I'm sure his parents are disappointed in him. They REALLY liked me and sat us down to let us know realistically how marriage would be. He hadn't even asked me to marry him, yet and his parents were "encouraging" the situation...

His loss... I know he wasn't the one for me and I know I deserve better. With this knowledge and self-awareness, I've come to peace with it for the most part. I still have my dreaded moments... Then I take a Wellbutrin and it takes the edge off...

Thanks for asking, Z....

((((((hugs)))))))

acj

February 5, 2004
10:38 am
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acj
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Hey lisset:

What did she have on it??? I was watching the game and all I saw was boob!! I just about dropped my jaw! Especially with my 10 year old watching!

Well, yesterday was TWO weeks in detox!!! I only have one more week left. I feel so vibrant and beautiful today... I had about 4 people at work notice how much weight I've lost. It feels so good!

I felt really good yesterday... I read my ex's profile and he'd changed it a little. It said that he was looking for a friend to spend quiet evenings with and to talk to about how his day went..... I about tripped out! He had that with me and HE'S MISSING IT!! Too bad, so sad!! I think he realizes what he lost and, you know what, he'll never have me back. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me..... He won't ever get a second chance to hurt me again.... YIPPEE!!! Man, this feels SOOOOOO good!!!!

Thanks all for your wonderful support and guidance...

((((((((HUGS)))))))

acj

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