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TO ALICAT
September 8, 2005
9:16 pm
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HOLLY BERRY
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WOW! You have some very good insight. How long have you been dealing with the demons? I feel you must be a professional, or at least have so much experience that you are a valuable part of this site. I am not receiving much input, but I just started today. I have to get to the place where I can survive the week ahead without cheating on my precious husband. I NEED HELP!

September 8, 2005
9:31 pm
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Anonymous
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hey.

no, not a professional - tho people say I missed my calling!!!!

I don't have alot of experience - but I watch, listen and learn VERY quickly.

I also teach best what I need to learn most - so any time I post something here, in response to someone else, I go back and see what info I can use in my own situation.

I read alot - absorb what I can - and listen - but not having alot of luck applying everything to me.

this is my therapy, so to speak - where I feel comfortable sharing and know I am not alone - and that someone else has something equally as difficult to deal with - and some answers for me - sometimes I find the answers in their sharing of their grief, sometimes I find the answers in what others answer, sometimes I find answers in what I write back.

When I read someone else's struggle and wonder "how could you let him do that to you?"...I then look at myself and ask myself the same - cuz I am as important as that person is - and I deserve as much as I am telling them they deserve.

did you see my post down the way - I gave you some google links on sexual addiction.

I think that if you focus on staying busy for the next week - you may do okay - or hang out here - hide from the world if you must - go to a meeting if you can - get a pile of books from the library - and sit and read...the week should pass quickly - but I know how one hour of no contact with my BF can feel sometimes, so know how one week can seem to drag on.

please look for some outlet to "entertain" you for the next week - if you can't find a meeting or counselor or therapist to get started...schedule lady's nights with a friend - go visit family or friends or your kids (if you have them) - if you have grandkids, schedule a pajama party at grandma's house and give mom a night off - do something constructive to lift your spirits...catch up on sleep, cleaning, baking, volunteering, craft projects, household projects - something.

you CAN make this week without cheating - I KNOW YOU CAN!!!! I believe in you.

September 8, 2005
9:46 pm
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HOLLY BERRY
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Yes...part of me wants to - like breaking my cigarette addiction....

I want to want to but can't get past that - I keep thinking that even though I say I want to, really deep down inside I still just "want to want to". I know if I set my mind to it I can break it, but the problem is, I can't get past the wanting! Do I need to be institutionalized?

You are so wise, and the advice you give is so good! BUT, what do I do to get past this most gigantic hurdle? I need to get past the wanting and waiting....it's killing me, and is a vicous cycle I keep going through....isn't all addiction a cycle? I am going to the websites and google searches you gave me earlier today. I know this has to start with me. Why do I desire to continue self-destructive behavior? BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD, if only for a few hours. That is the epitomy of dependency. ISN'T IT?

I have seen posts today that make me feel like my little dependency is so trivial, expecially when others are talking about suicide and abuse. I have read a lot of books, as well, and constantly listen and seek the advice of other people...older & wiser, but sometimes also younger & wiser.

Can I help you in any way. I doubt it, because you seem like you are WAY ahead of me.....

SOMETIMES JUST A SONG CAN MAKE MY DEFENSES FALL TO MY ANKLES!

Thank you for your input!

September 9, 2005
8:04 am
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Anonymous
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I am not way ahead of you - I know what my problems are, and I have done the research, but I am still struggling with my own inner demons.

addiction causes withdrawls - ever see a junkie come down off drugs - IT"S UGLY! I sat and held my ex BF's hand, literally, while he detoxed a few times - it wasn't fun - the physical effects are horrid.

in the same manner, this addiction of yours is no different - you are getting a "rush" from the pleasure - sex DOES give you a physical rush - the endorphins do it - which is why it's so easy to go after it.

don't mean to be crude - but what about going to buy some toys and have fun with yourself this weekend? wink wink - at least you can get the endorphin rush.

as for the self esteem rush - you are going to have to find another way to get it or just detox from it.

there simply isn't any other way.

I don't know that going in the hospital is the answer - but perhaps it is, if you can afford it - and perhaps it would put you in touch with a counselor who can help. Or how about a vacation? or going with your hubby? or how about spending the weekend shopping for stuff to make your "reunion" night wonderful and spectacular.

I am not sure how to "get to the next phase" - now that you know what you need to do. For everyone it is different. You just gotta dig down deep and find the will yourself.

wish I had more answers for you.

don't think your problems are trivial - cuz they aren't - we all have varying degrees of pain here, but it doesn't make any one persons pain less real or less important than the next. This IS affecting your life and eventually your world will come crashing in if you don't address it - you caught it now - now figure out phase two.

September 9, 2005
8:25 am
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HOLLY BERRY
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Thanks Ali...you asked earlier if I could afford to get away...alone, or with my husband. I can't do that because of nursing class. But it would be great if I could have gone with my husband.

GUESS WHAT? It is now 7:30 AM....at 10 AM I am going to a camp where some evacuees from N.O. are staying. I will be there for 2 hours as a volunteer. This was set up by the Nursing Department at the University that I attend. Maybe next week instead of indulging in sexual activity, I can go back and volunteer a few hours each evening. I bet that would make me feel better than going to bed with a friend.

I guess you guys and girls are what are keeping me sane now. You led me to this solution. I hate to go on about my problems, especially after reading dear little Jigsaw's ordeal. Mine is so selfish. It's just so good to have a discussion with people I can be honest with about my problem.

Love to you - hope you have a good day. After the volunteer stint, I have to go to the library to do some research for school. I am planning to check out some of the books on codependency.

Later - HB

September 9, 2005
9:13 am
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GREAT second steps!

volunteering with such a great tragedy will fill your heart and make you feel so good - it will also tear you up to see how large the problem and how small your contribution is - but don't let it stop you. I gave two bucks and all my ashtray change to the red cross drive the other day - it felt so small - but it's all I could do. I have extra blankets and stuff, gonna look at shipping them down there - not that anyone needs winter stuff, but some light bedding stuff - some baby clothes I have upstairs from days gone by. etc....

in the light of what's going on down south, ALL OUR PROBLEMS seem small - but we can't let that stop us from paying attention and continuing to make ourselves better. any improvement we make in ourselves will be an improvement in the world as a whole...no matter how small.

I wish I could volunteer but short of money, I live in new england and there isn't much I can do - but will look for ideas.

you got the right idea - keep at it.

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