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Tired
January 23, 2005
2:43 pm
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shyshy
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I just need to vent for anyone that wants to listen. My STBX boyfriend just called and yesterday he had asked if I wasn't doing anything today could I take him shopping so when he called me today he asked if I was going out later and I said I was thinking about it and asked him if he still wanted to go shopping and he said he didn't think so but would I take him to go see his grandson. Now mind you, he has a car, just doesn't like to drive it too far because it's a bucket and his truck broke down AND I took him to see his grandson last night!!! He says he wants to make sure he has food to eat. Now, wouldn't you think that being that he was there last night and he's there just about every day that his daughter would have told him he has no food to eat? Why would he think I would drive 20 miles to his house just to take him to go see his grandson?? He sees the freakin kid every day just about. Now he has to go from one side of town to the other side of town to visit his daughter in traffic and it will take about 20 minutes to get there and he will do that every day but he can never be bothered driving all the way to my house to come see me. Grant it it's 20 miles but it's all highway so it only takes about 10 minutes!!! Friday night is supposed to be "our" night and I have to wait till I can drop my kids off at their dad's at 8:30p because he works till then and then after that you would think that we would do something fun, but we never do. We usually sit in front of the tv and try and watch a movie while he's trying to get his groove on. This past Friday I had to drive him to go see his grandson and watch him hook up his daughter's stove and then go back to his house and sit in front of the tv and watch him pout because I told him I wasn't spending the night. It was that time of the month and I don't like the sexual frustration and neither does he. Besides that, I can't stand the smell of cig smoke and he smokes every 10 minutes!! He told me during the course of our conversation that he had to get up early (around 8a or 9a) to go see a friend about a job so the next morning I called him in between my cleaning jobs at 9:10a just because I wanted to hear his voice and to say good morning and he hoot and hollored about me waking him early. Then he called back to hoot and hollar some more. I stopped answering the phone after that and he called back around 10 times and finally left a message telling me that he knows I'm probably not answering the phone because I'm mad at him but he's sick and tired of calling me and not being able to reach me. He calls me about 50 times a day and if I just so happen to not get the call on my cell because I'm out of range or I'm online and he can't get through then he gets pissed. It's like he expects for my life to stop just so that I can sit in front of the phone all the time just in case he happens to call me. Sorry, but I have a life!!! Afte that message he called a few times more till I finally answered. He didn't apologize or bring up the message he left. He just asked what the name of the color of the paint on my walls was because he wants to paint his kitchen the same color. Later on I called him to ask him if his roomate would lend me some of his dvd's because we were getting a major snow storm and the local video store was jam packed with people so he asked if I could cut his hair while I was over there so I said I would. I get over there and he asks me if instead of cutting his hair I could drive him to his daughter's house to drop off his grandson. What am I a taxi or what? One that comes with free booty??? He's bothered by the fact that I can't get to his calls sometimes but he's not putting anything into this relationship!! Oh, and did I mention that I strongly believe he's a narcissist?? Why do I even still bother??? There must be something seriously wrong with me!!

January 23, 2005
5:08 pm
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mamacinnamon
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ShyShy,

Honey, you deserve so much more than this jerk. I say boot his butt to the curb. Why would you put up w/ him? A dog asks for less than this.

I'm not trying to be mean. Just don't ant to see you throw your life away on a jerk like this.

Find a new guy. You deserve much much better than this.

January 23, 2005
7:51 pm
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shyshy
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Hi mamacinnamon,
Thanks for responding. I am trying to find a new guy but not having much luck. I joined the latin singles connection for a while and only met a couple of real idiots. That whole scene just seems real mechanical to me anyway. I go to the bookstores and it's like someone else said on another thread, everyone just has their faces buried in a book. I've joined the gym and haven't had any luck there either. On the flip side, I think I probably need to be alone for a while to deal with my codependency issues but that feeling of loneliness just about kills me. I have no family and all I have is my kids so when they are with their dad I get really depressed because I have no where to go and no one to be with. I've tried enjoying my alone time but there are only so many things a girl can do before she just gets really bored with it all. I went to a singles dance recently though and had some fun there but I'm not really too much into that kind of scene either because I just always feel like I have "desparate" stamped on my forhead and just have a really hard time meeting strange men. I'm a lot more comfortable just letting things happen, like maybe meeting a friend of a friend and hitting it off but the likelyhood of something like that happening is very slim since I don't have many friends, and those that I do have don't really go out much. I've tried to keep myself busy by working a lot (have three jobs) but that got old too. Sometimes I'm just plain worn out and still crave some time with a special someone. So, here I am, so lonely I could die sometimes. That's why I am still with this a$$hole. If it weren't for him my phone would never ring and the only reason I do what I do for him is because I have nothing better to do.

January 23, 2005
9:45 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Shy,

Don't you know that you don't need a man? You need to learn who you are and heal yourself before getting into any relationship. Otherwise the cycle will continue and you will end up w/ another a##hole. I don't want to see that happen.

If you have not, get the book Codependence No More by Melody Beattie and work thru it. I think I saw someone say there is a workbook to go with it. Try some CODA meetings. Do some things for yourself and your kids.

Think about it for awhile. You will have so much more self esteem and independence. Stand up and be yourself. I bet you are a really great person to know.

January 23, 2005
10:58 pm
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SUSIE BABY
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September 29, 2010
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i say run fast,far and hard. this is not what you need to fill that void.i have the same problem when my son goes to his dad's. like you, i don't like that whole dating thing. i go to dinner with a friend when i feel like getting out.i have worked on me so i'm at a place now i'm ok with me. i don't mind being home alone, i find thing's to do around the house, i play in my garden,read. the work book that helped me [ as well as codependency no more ] SMART LOVE, just be honest with you, then go back and read what you wrote. it was a real eye opener for me, good luck,susan

January 24, 2005
4:26 pm
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shyshy
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Hi mamacinnamon:

I did read the book codependent no more and it helped. I've also read the book Women who love too much and that helped a lot too and the book "he's not all that into you". Before that I read "The batterer" and "Emotional Blackmail" Those I read before I realized I needed to forget about him and work on me. Anyway, I went to the bookstore the other day and enjoyed a nice evening with my kids just having a snack and chit chatting. Read the thread titled "Scared, Help, I need advice" and it will tell you what's going on right now.
SusieBaby:
I'm going to look for that book Smart Love at the bookstore the next time I'm there. Thank you both for being there for me.

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