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tired of insecuity
September 11, 2007
5:41 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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soofoo,
I don't know about your preschooler. the teachers seem to know what's best for him. and it sounds like he is making progress. (gee I wish I got snacks at school) Just make sure they touch base with you.

I love my class this year. they are so sweet. I got a very low class but they all are pretty well behaved and want to learn. 3rd grade is a great age.

I know what you mean about taking on a job. I thought a lot about leaving C. or staying in for the long haul. It came down to the fact that I made a public promise to stand by him. As long I wasn't in danger, mental, emotional or physcial I would stay. It has been worth it.

I have had counselling and some has been good and some mediorcre. the best ones had me learn to rethink my needs and behaviors. The worst ones said, get rid of your husband and your troubles will be over. I think it's a matter of the right counselling at the right time.

Prayer and inspiriation from God work wonders as far as I am concerend. I could never have made it this far without Him.

I am so glad your T. makes you happy. C. and I have such good times that are really really worthwhile and fun. He has added so much to my life. One of the wonderful things is my stepson. that relationship has brought so much joy to me.

We use smart boards in my classroom. they are an amazingly wonderful teaching tool. I can tell who understand and who doesn't and everyone pays attention.

September 12, 2007
12:17 pm
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soofoo
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Tiger trainer

I don't know if I'm in danger or not. I'm really confused.

I know that I need some help sorting out my feelings. They are currently an enigma to me. My heart is aching.

I'm feeling aftershocks. I realize that I'm not actually as strong as I thought I was. Stuff is affecting me.

I have no idea why I have taken on all this responsibility.

September 14, 2007
10:32 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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I know what you mean. When C has his really bad time, about 4 years ago i was so strong. I kept going, did my job, paid the bills, dealt with him and his suicde attempt, etc etc and supported him.... then i felt so angry, so hurt, so tired, I had break down myself.

It is our natures to take on responsibility. It's tough decision to decide to stay with someone with serious mental issues.

For me the good times are good. The good memories are wonderful and we are working through the bad times. C. is imrpvoing.

Keep doing what you're doing but make time for yourself prayer w/ meditation can be very healing and clenasing. I am sure you know that already. Remeber I can feel for you and sympathize.

September 14, 2007
11:06 pm
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Mugsie
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soofoo,
Please go to a counselor by yourself.Mine has helped me find the answers to the questions that noone else could help me with for 13 years.

September 15, 2007
11:02 pm
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Mugsie,
That is so true. My counselor taught me fighre out what is was feeling befure I beagn to break down. he helped learn to deal with anger so taht I did't internalize or throw things.

he also helped me to understand that taking an antidepressant is just like taking my thyroid pill. I'm just replacing something my body doesn't make naturally.

September 15, 2007
11:11 pm
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soofoo
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Tiger Trainer

It is wonderful to know you. Even though I don't know you. When I saw your response, I cried. I had to close it up because T came in the room. Thank you for being here for me. Your empathy means a lot.

Mugsie

I think that you are right. I'm just afraid that if I go alone, the counselor will push me to break up with T. And I don't want to be pushed. I can be really stubborn if I need to be though. I can just tell the counselor, No, you'll have to help me within the relationship.

September 15, 2007
11:13 pm
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soofoo
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Tiger Trainer

I have hypothyroidism too. We really do have a lot in common.

September 16, 2007
10:16 am
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gosh we certainly do. I'm glad to know about the hypothyroidism. When I was first diagnosed ti sounded like it would solve allmy problems, lack of energy, depression, infertility etc etc. I do feel more energetic though and I have fewer headaches.

I am so touched that you think of me. I feel like I know you.
I ams sorry that you have to be wary of this site with your husband. I am lucky in that C. considers this site like a harmless hobby. something the little woman does to amuse herself. If he only knew how much I've learned about standing up for myself.he'd be worried.

September 16, 2007
4:34 pm
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soofoo
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I'm not married to T, but he and his daughter live with me in my house. I don't have that reason (we're married) to stay with him. I am very attached to him though and his daughter, who is like the daughter I never had (four boys).

T has curly hair too, and was a red head as a child, but his hair is more brown now. I get a kick out of all these coincidences.

How is it going since C's birthday has passed? How are you feeling?

hugs,

soofoo

September 17, 2007
7:00 pm
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Thanks for asking. Actually I am starting to feel nervous. Thinks are tranquil between me and C. Work is going smoothly. I feel like something has to go wrong somewhere because life can't be this easy.
isn't that awful. i can't feel good when things are good because i have gear up for the next crisis which may or may not appear and which I couldn't prevent anyway?

It's weird about the hypothyriodism and the curly hair. Sometimes soofoo, when I talk to you i wonder if I'm talking to myself!!!

How long have you been with T? What fun to have 4 boys. I have no children of my own. (miscarriages)
Yours sound like fun little guys.

September 17, 2007
9:56 pm
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soofoo
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I've been with T 2 and a half years.

I understand you on the feeling like something has just got to go wrong. I usually have quite a bit of anxiety when things are going smoothly, I yell more, and obsess about stupid stuff, then I'm like superwoman in a crisis.

I had to take progesterone (a hormone) in the early part of my last two pregnancies to prevent certain miscarriage. It was related to the hypothyroidism. Apparently ladies with this condition cannot make enough progesterone to sustain a pregnancy for the first 11 weeks or so. Then I could stop the supplement. This is an off-label use for progesterone. In fact the bottle said, "Do not take during pregnancy" and I called my Doc and was like "Are you sure?" I don't know if you're trying again, but just thought I'd let you know. They can take blood levels for progesterone, but they've got to catch it quick.

My boys are a blast. There is never a dull moment. And each one of them is totally unique. T has two outstanding boys also, T jr and C who live with their mom, but spend most weekends with us. They are 12 and 14 and of course my younger boys just totally adore them and think they are the most fantastic creatures ever. They are without a doubt the nicest teens I've ever known. T's 6 year old daughter, G is the only girl. And she handles it with perfect grace. We are very lucky that they all get along so well and that they are such good, healthy kids with no major problems.

I'm trying to get some hobbies going so that I can enjoy the good times more and not worry so much. My life was so hard at one point that I had no time at all for hobbies. Now that my kids are getting older, I'm not as harried with their needs. At one point I had four kids under 6yrs old, three were in diapers and two in bottles. I was always up every few hours at night, and chasing around curious toddlers during the day. It was tiring. Especially when my XH abandoned me with a four yr old, 18 month old and a 3 month old and no way to pay the bills. Now, comparatively everything seems easy. I decided I want some more friends because I really only have one and my sisters. So I went to this place called meetup.com where you can meet up with people with similar interests. I want to do some fun stuff and meet other couples. I want to try kayaking. I might join a mom's group too.

Tiger, I'm so glad you are enjoying your class. I went to back to school night tonight and saw my fourth grader's classroom smart board. I made some squiggly lines on it and I thought of you.

I'm going to Clearwater, Florida on Wednesday morning with T and my kids until the 25th. My cousin is having a destination wedding there, and he rented three beachhouses there for his guests to stay in. I'm really excited because I haven't done anything like this in a very long time. I'm taking the kids to Disneyworld. They are SO excited.

So I probably won't be online until I get back.

Much Love to you Tiger Trainer, you are a blessing to me. I thank God for putting us in touch with each other.

September 21, 2007
7:02 pm
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Soofoo have fun in clearwater. Take time to sit on the beach!!!I'll be slaving in a classroom a few miles away,.
Actually I'm pretty contented becaue the Department of ed visitors were impressed with my classroom and my data collection methods.

September 23, 2007
10:23 am
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Everybody, give me a thought today. i am playing in front of everybody at church whild the children present their special yearly program. . I am not asking to do a splendid breathtaking job. I only ask that I not mess up the special spirit that comes when the children sing.

September 24, 2007
6:29 pm
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Hey soofoo,
What was that warm fuzzy I felt today around noon? it was coming from the dirction of disney world and felt like someone was sending me a hug. What a good way to begin a boring language arts lesson on subjects and predicates.

September 26, 2007
8:03 pm
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I am sick the people at work and all the headaches they are causing me. No body talks to me as a freinds they just see me as someone to solve their problems. I'm sick of my husband and his never ending healthproblems.
Isn't there anyone who just wants to chat?

September 26, 2007
10:08 pm
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soofoo
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Hey Tiger, What's up? I'm glad you felt my hug-- It brightened me up to give it to you. I was pretty pissed at T at the time. Me and my sister and the kids were in line for Kilimanjari safari. T and sis's H were at epcot. I had such a weird up and down time in Florida. I was so happy and I got so mad and got so over it and so happy and then so mad again. Too many family members together I guess. So much love and dysfunction! It was fantastic!

My kids were ecstatic in Disney and it's like 10 times better than I remember it! And the beach, oh I was in heaven. And I have never stayed in such a beautiful beachhouse-- and for free no less. Congrats and thanks to my cuz. And then a night at the grand floridian. Whoa that is a nice hotel. Gotta thank Bro-in-law for that. Too bad T had to try to wreck it by breaking up with me in Tomorrowland. What a needy bastard. But I didn't let him ruin my first trip to disney with my kids, I just let it roll off me and moved on. Then I got rid of him for the second day. And now he's soooo sorry! Sound familiar?

I'm up for chattin. And I want to be friends. Your loyal cyber-twin,
soofoo

September 27, 2007
12:10 pm
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soofoo
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Hey tiger, Would you read my thread, "please share your loving thoughts on this"?

September 27, 2007
3:23 pm
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Enoughalready
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Tiger, For me real friends are hard to come by and thats fine with me...I seem to need to chat alot these days so pick a subject and lets chat

September 27, 2007
5:25 pm
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soofoo
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sorry tiger. Was up for chattin, but now am totally insane and probably no good for you. Don't want to dump on you so you don't have to read my thread as I've really gone nuts. Love soofoo

September 29, 2007
1:16 pm
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soofooo, please dump dump dump on me. It will be a relief to get away from school problems and C. constant complaints aobut his health.....
I've read your thread. go nuts, scream cry, tell your kids you are going through a hard time but you'll be okay. i will be sending you lots of love and warm fuzzies. You are my precious friend and I want you to be healthy and fine.

September 29, 2007
1:47 pm
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soofoo
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Tiger Twin, Thank you! I will post to you on the other thread. Love soofoo.

October 2, 2007
9:27 pm
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soofoo
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Hey tiger girl, I made up with T.

My son has head lice and I've had no time to post-- The cleaning and head checking and nit-picking-- ugh. But thankfully it's only my 9 yr old (knock on wood).

Love to you, Tiger. Thank you so much for your amazing support.

October 2, 2007
9:31 pm
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nit picking ugh. I've had headlice cases in my school before. Always makes my head itch even when I've never been near the child.

Keep a close watch on yourself. I am glad you are with T again but don't let him take away the wonderful things that are you.

October 4, 2007
9:56 pm
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soofoo
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Hey Tiger

T was walking by and said I think I have a brain tumor and a heart tumor and I'm like "What?!" and he's like "just wanted to see if you cared."

Duh.

It made me think of you. You said C has been having health problems. Do you want to talk about it?

October 5, 2007
9:47 pm
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soofoo
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Woops I meant T said "I have a brain tumor ..."

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