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Tired of being strong I think I am crumbling
February 16, 2007
8:02 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Just am tire of hanging in there. I have taken advice but not enough. I just talked to the exN on the phone and he was so nasty tome. Of course he still has my stuff in his house. Never the less. I feel like I am trying to be tuff and I don't know why anymore...I sometimes don't even care. I built my life around the people I left and why should they ever be mean to me....I feel like disposed garbage that naybe could be recycled but maybe not..horsefly

February 16, 2007
8:36 pm
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armyleo
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horsefly,

I have to go now with one of my daughters for ~ 3 hours today. I saw you posted me on the other thread.

Real quick I wanted to say, it's okay to feel your feelings...That is what I have been told...now when I am feeling lonely, angry, whatever, I try to come here and talk it out.

It feels good to get it out...Your doing fine.

Sending you warm (((HF))) hugs your way...keep talking here. Although I know sometimes that's hard because of your injury.

I'll see if your on when I come back.

February 16, 2007
9:07 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Thank You Armyleo, I am just very upset right now and every time I get emotional my arm and shoulder flare up..love horsefly

February 17, 2007
12:37 am
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thedogsmom
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its hard to be strong.. and sometimes..a good cry..and feeling sorry for yourself is a welcome outlet. Don't be so hard on yourself. You won't really crumble unless you keep focusing on the bad..Start to turn your thoughts into the positive ..hard as it may be.
And if your arm and shoulder hurts when you get really emotional..see a doctor and make sure they check out your heart and blood pressure and cholesterol. I know of two people now who had shoulder pain...and turned out to have heart disease.
TDM

February 17, 2007
12:45 am
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scyllamessina
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You don't always have to be strong. The Bible says that God's strength is made perfect in our weakness.

February 17, 2007
7:44 am
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camino
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Horsefly, sadness is a feeling that cannot be denied, and if you do, it just comes out some other way. Allowing ourselves to cry and feel down is part of our strength.

February 17, 2007
1:45 pm
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garfield9547
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Horsefly

Tired of just hanging in here and crumbling is a very good sign.

For me its like your bodies response to say enough is enough.

Crumble, cry, let it go. Go through the motions horselfy.

This is were we heal. You are moving on to the next level emotionally.

Love

Garfield

February 17, 2007
5:47 pm
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matthew65
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Just wanted to add something here. I felt that way for a long time...always giving and giving and giving, running around like the energizer bunny, and felt I had to do everything at home, Church and work. I felt I was going to crumble but just kept on going, crying, and praying for strength everyday until one day I just totally lost it and broke down at work and within a few days I was on the couch, crying, and never wanted to face another day again. If I could back to avoid a major breakdown, I would have never been so hard on myself, taken on so many things, given so much to others, and taken some time for myself. I lost myself completely and now after 2 months of major depression I am still trying to find myself. I did write a list of what I like. As short as it may be, it's still my list and I try to do something on it when I have an OK day. I am starting to talk about what I want more and learning to say, NO! I have changed around here and no longer the Super Mom, which the family has had to adjust to. However, it's what I need to do for myself to get better. Please, Horsefly, when you feel you are constantly being tested by the world, and don't feel you can't hang in any longer, please take some time for yourself. If you don't, those things you once enjoyed will later be so hard to do. Do you know that it hurts me to have anyone do something for me? I feel I am not deserving of it and cry feeling so bad. I guess it's part of the depression, but as I said I lost myself always giving to others and putting myself last.

Sorry for the rambling, but I do hope this will help you. I don't want anyone to go through what I am going. It's H---!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wendy

February 21, 2007
10:25 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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I just felt Like letting everyone knowthat I am better, I had to take some action and I did......Thank you Wendy ,Camino, Garfield ,Scyllamessina, armyleo, and thedogsmom ..For being there for me when I felt my ship was sinking.....I think I am back up enough to dog paddle for awhile....Thanks for your support

February 21, 2007
10:33 pm
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truthBtold
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Horsefly,

always a good idea to just shatter those old, chipped dishes.......get it out!!!!

(I have dents in my kitchen floor from those moments when I just couldn't take it anymore....and someone...or SOMETHING had to suffer......so I just shattered a bunch of old dishes and cups and saucers etc......)

Can easily pick up a new set for next to nothing at the local dollar store!!!!!!!

VENTING is a GOOD THING!!!!!!!!

(Better that the dishes actually crumble....then YOU!!!!!!)

So, you have a mess to clean up afterwards....so what.

((((((HUGS HORSEFLY))))))))

February 21, 2007
11:01 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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truthBtold , You are always such an upbeat spirit to me.. I kinda feel like I am cleaning up the little mess I made with my life....Sorta like alot of broken dishes..But I am so glad I can vent here...So thank you so much for being you and expressing yourself the way you do...horsefly

February 21, 2007
11:11 pm
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truthBtold
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Horsefly,

No Prob. So glad that I could help.

You know, I'll tell you a secret......once - I was feeling so frustrated and suicidal that I took some big, heavy, THICK starafoam (spelling?) and instead of killing myself with the big knife......I actually stabbed and stabbed this big ole piece of starafoam until it was just little pieces all around me.

I felt exhausted and liberated at the same time.

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Course I had a helluva mess to clean up afterwards....but who cares????

Better THAT than commiting murder....(or suicide.)

(I always keep an extra amount of starafoam on hand....should the occasion ever present itself in the futrue - heh heh!!!!)

I have my starafoam stabbing outlet....I don't care who knows about it!!!!!!)

And then again - it's always nice to change your dishes every now and again....just for the hell of it 🙂

((((((HORSEFLY)))))))))

February 21, 2007
11:24 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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You know what truthBtold, Before the final curtain is closed with this last performance I am trying to pull off..I could invest in several starafoam icechests..There cheap..Wouldn't hurt to have something around to torture other than myself....I could beat up the icechest and lay off myself for awhile???Thanks again..horsefly

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