Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Time
October 7, 2004
10:53 am
Avatar
Freya
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Just curious...
What is the longest period of time you have spent on your own between relationships?

My therapist asked me this question and I was shocked. After thinking about it, I realized that I have a pattern of 7 months between relationships regardless of how long the relationship lasted. 7 months seems to be my limit and the next relationship is usually quite unhealthy. & months at the time feels like eternity but in the grand scheme of things it really is nothing. Like I said, just curious. Freya.

October 7, 2004
11:31 am
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

wow, good one Freya..
that was with my last bf of 2 years ago, he committed suicide, and that was my only wake up call with relationships, i stayed alone for 1 yr 8 mos...no men...just recently started dating...but b4 then, it was anywhere btwn 1week and 3 mos b4 finding a new bad boy to replace the old one.

camer

October 7, 2004
11:38 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Nine years. And I needed every minute of it!

Ren'ai

October 7, 2004
12:06 pm
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

jeez....4 months. but i'm only 25, and i didn't start dating until I was 19...i'm going on 1 month now but do you have to be completely alone for it to count? Or do one night stands count? Because then my limit is much lower....

October 7, 2004
12:10 pm
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cici, I think alot has to do with taking the time to learn about yourself and love yourself more, enough to share the love for a healthy relationship....instead of just bringing unresolved issues into the next relationship.

October 7, 2004
12:38 pm
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

sadly i've only had one relationship that truely involved reciprocal sharing. sometimes i think i was only with those guys to pass the time and ensure that i could have regular sex without as much risk. i AM a pervert!!!!

October 7, 2004
12:43 pm
Avatar
luvlee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think the longest I have gone in 6 months. The shortest has been...well...one right after the other.

October 7, 2004
1:45 pm
Avatar
bubishi76
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Freya,
I spent a little over 4 years alone. I didn't even go on a date with a woman in that time. I was with my Fiance for about 7 1/2 years when she walked out the door. It took me that long to think that I was worthy again. It's not that I didn't want love in that time but I hurt sooo bad and couldn't understand that after that long, how someone could just call it quits. I still have issues about that that I sometimes carry over to my current relationship.
~Bubishi~

October 7, 2004
2:38 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

8 months without a "Boyfriend" per se, but I dated like a maniac out of sheer boredom. *giggle* At least then I had good stories to entertain friends and coworkers with on my most recent dating circles of hell adventures. If blind dates can't be entertaining after the fact, what good are they? *grin*

October 7, 2004
2:41 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hmmmm.... 2 yrs but I'm like you cici and ginger, dated like a maniac and ensured regular sex with a few chosen boy toys. I don't have that longing anymore... feels weird. (I tried two weeks ago!)

October 7, 2004
2:47 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

OMG I just realized that I don't take time between boyfriends, WAIT last year let me see, 3 months is the longest and that was only ONE time, the other times I jumped from one relationship to another. GO figure why I am such a tran wreck in relationships.

October 7, 2004
3:48 pm
Avatar
lil
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I don't think there is a magic number of months or years as a waiting time. Everyone is different and God puts people in your path for different reasons. Sometimes it's just to learn something about yourself or about other people.
I do understand your question though and think time to clear your soul is a good thing- I just think everyone is different.
I think the longest for me is a year but I've also bumped up one right against another...

October 8, 2004
12:20 am
Avatar
Freya
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey lil,
I agree there is no written law however, most often we barely give ourselves time to heal before we feel that need to jump right back on the horse-so to speak. I noticed that alot of you mentioned "bad boys". I wonder what it is that attracts us to them......maybe it's the excitement we crave. I know that most of my relationships have been with "bad boys" some worse that others mind you. Despite the red flags we see or hear we seem to bypass it all and still remain in the relationship. I know I could never date a boring guy. Any thoughts? Now I am really curious! Freya.

October 8, 2004
12:49 pm
Avatar
kathygy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My longest stretch is right now. Its been three years since I had a serious boyfriend. Although, I have dated men over that time. I just needed the time to work on myself. I think I'm about ready for a relationship now. Although, it scares me. Fear of success. Also, I don't want to be hurt again nor do I want to feel smothered like I did in my marriage. This time around I am holding out for a healthy man who can be loving and respectful to me in a consistent manner. I have written out all the traits I am looking for and won't settle for less.

October 8, 2004
1:14 pm
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I never put that much thought into my relationships. Prolly cause I'm 25. I have so many screws loose that I don't think it's fair to demand that my partner be more mentally stable than me!!!!!

I may like bad boys because I am a bad girl. 😛

October 9, 2004
11:25 pm
Avatar
workinonit
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cici, That is the key here. Being a bad girl might be what we crave too. Shit, it's more fun!

I think the thing we like though is mystery. Camer and I had a conversation about this. I don't want to feel I have to share every part of my being and I don't want to know everything about them. Let me keep wanting and finding things out naturally. It's striking the balance that is hard.

I've been just about 6 months alone now. This is the first time since getting married in 1977. Sad, but true. My first husband was the only person I had sex with until I was 40. I didn't wait. I was hungry for a new person but kept doing the same thing. My recent ex was purely opposite though and that was strange. Now it's time for me and I do not have a desire right now for a main guy.

Wish me luck!

October 10, 2004
1:08 am
Avatar
Freya
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You got it Workinonit! That is exactly right! If you can predict someones every move thought or feeling, it gets really boring really fast. Dating "bad boys" allows the mystery to continue on~ be it good or bad.
I am, I suppose, somewhat of a bad girl however I am healthier now. I like the bad girl untouchable "want some? can't have it look" and the attitude that goes with it however, in the long run, I am not really all that bad- just cautious I guess....really really cautious. It all keeps the mind churning. Freya

October 10, 2004
2:49 pm
Avatar
workinonit
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tht's funny Freya, I like that 'tude too. It gets me in to trouble sometimes though! LOL

For some reason, I keep attracting these young dudes. Maybe I'm immature, I don't know. I just enjoy life and don't take things too serious anymore. An anomaly without definition!

Seriously, I wonder if it's the codep thing. They want a momma. But I am wiser now and I see it immediately. Maybe I'm afraid of a man who will give me a real run for my money.hmmmmm

October 12, 2004
12:10 am
Avatar
Freya
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Not immature.....playful is a better word. Heehee nothing wrong with having a little fun right?

October 12, 2004
12:14 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

LOL!...Nothing wrong with that!You sound so strong!! I'm very happy for you.

Sunny 😉

October 12, 2004
1:43 am
Avatar
balancesekr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi everyone...
freya,
I think the bad boys are appealing because we think we can't tame them or really have them = the chase!
The longest period of time for me was 1.5 years... no sex at all, nothing, I bought a body pillow which was my boyfriend 🙂
workinonit, I hear you on the
striking a balance, that's my name!

October 12, 2004
2:09 am
Avatar
jewel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Close to a year with nothing, no sex, no contact with anyone, no nothing. And it is funny because that was pretty much the best time in my life. I was the most strongest and ambitious at that time. Hmmmmm!!! Kind of makes me wonder what is best for me. LOL!!! It is sure hard at first, but once you are over it, live your life. There is nothing to lose. You can do what you want and when you want. Totally cool!!! The sex part is the hardest. It is not in me to sleep around. You get used to it after awhile and it doesn't bother you so much.

October 12, 2004
9:10 am
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think it's easier to do your personal growth thing when you're alone. When co-d's are in relationships, we focus all our energy on the partner, and their growth process (or lack thereof, ha ha).

October 13, 2004
8:45 am
Avatar
Freya
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good point Cici,
it is true that most of the energy and thought goes into the relationship and its ups and downs. Thinking about whether or not he will call or when he will come over- IF he will come over. Will he be straight or using some kind of substance. I wasted alot of time on this. I was dwelling and worrying- I guess it gave me something to think about. BAH! The more I think about things now, the easier it is to stay angry. I have to now start forgiving myself and letting go. My mantra for today "forgive and release"---HA! Something new to think about- thanks Cici. Freya.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
23
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110977
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714261
Newest Members:
swright, nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why..
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information