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time for a change
February 14, 2006
6:57 pm
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anniem
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I've had the same therapist for the past 10 years. However, for the last 3 years I have felt that no real work has been getting done. Most importantly, we have been butting heads b/c I believe I have DID and my therapist says she believes that I dissociate, but not that I have mutiple personalities. Well, just recently I went in for a session and realized that the prior session I had with her I had no memory of. Not only that, I had told her of things that I had planned to discuss but couldn't remember talking about at all. This frightened me and made me feel completely out of control. Well, today I finally bit the bullet and made some phone calls to prospective therapists, sat down with the old therapist and told her I felt it was time for me to move on. She again stated that she sees no signs to indicate that I have mutiple personalities. Her refusal to even consider this possibility has left me unsure of myself and very insecure. But I'm feeling compelled to move on to find out if I am right. Even if this topic wasn't a bone of contention the therapeutic relationship has become stagnant. But moving on like this is new to me, and I'm feeling a great deal of anxiety. Any words of wisdom and comfort?

February 14, 2006
11:37 pm
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terbear
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I applaud you for realizing its time to move on..I would stay because I wouldnt want to hurt her feelings..That is growth..go with your gut feelings.

February 15, 2006
1:00 am
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free2choose
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I thought for a while that I might have DID. Two people I know do, or did. One is smack in the middle of everything, the other, a very close friend and mentor, is what I believe to be for the most part completely intergrated. I was discussing my particular symptoms with her once and she explained it to me that dissasociation is like a scale of 1 to 10, like 1 being daydreaming, what everyone does, to 10 being full out seperate and distinct multiples... I figured I'm like a 6 or 7. I never loose time, but on occasion I do feel very removed from my body and I hear myself say and watch myself do things that I can not control myself saying or doing. Sometimes I feel the definate driving force of a very childlike "spirit" within myself, sometimes I feel a very masculine, very male force. Sometimes, in times of high fear I feel who I call Rage completely take over, my protector, all of these are very distinct feelings, I recognize them as within me, yet seperate form "Me". When they come, I often have two or more distict thought processed in my head simultaneously. In books that I have read, the closest thing that describes this is "co-consciousness", which from what I understand to be what happens during the integration pocess for people with full DID. Maybe this is just as far as my developing psyci gotwith out going into full fledged DID... I don't know. I know it used to be involuntary, but with recognition and finding my triggers, I have learned to somewhat "control" it, to stay present, I guess is another way to describe it. With thought, beathing, mantra, thought focusing...

I think if you are feeling stagnant with the T, change may be a good thing. IMO, quitting with the old T before deciding on a new one is not a choice that would be in your best intrest. I know without my T, i tend to go a little nuts! 😉

Good Luck!!!
I'd love to discuss this with you more, it is a subject I find fascinating...the minds amazing power to protect itself, to persevere, to survive! WOW!!

Good thoughts and well wishes,
Erica~free2choose

February 15, 2006
11:08 am
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anniem
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I got a return call from the new therapist this morning and now have any appt for tomorrow afternoon. My mind just keeps going in circles, I'm feeling so unsure of myself. At the same time I keep remembering all the times I have "lost time", all the times ppl have told me about conversations I have had with them that I have no memory of, all the times I have had fights with my husband b/c he has told me that i have done things which I have vehemently denied. *sigh* I guess this is the only way to find out for sure.

February 17, 2006
7:39 pm
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anniem
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Had a conversation with my daughter-in-law about my decision to change therapists and why. She was so honest with me, I appreciated her candor. She said that my MPD (or DID, depending on which book you read) needs to be addressed and she applauded my choice for a change. It was validating and reassuring. I went to see new T, was left with hope.

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