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THU NITE CREW
October 6, 2005
8:04 pm
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Anonymous
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I missed you all yesterday. So happy for RW2. Thankful for everybody's words so far. Nesh, you've got a lot to share. Mama, I'm so glad all the heavy stuff doesn't stop from making a joke here and there. I'm going to bed; just wanted to say good night to everyone and leave you a poem I found (wherelse) in one of our threads.

Believe in Yourself
By Bruce Wilmer

Believe in yourself
To the depth of your being
Nourish the talents
Your spirit is freeing

Know in your heart
When the going gets slow
That your faith in yourself
Will continue to grow

Don't forfeit ambition
When others may doubt
It's your life to live –
You must live it throughout

Learn from your errors –
Don't dwell in the past
Never withdraw
From a world that is vast

Believe in yourself:
Find the best that is you
Let your spirit prevail:
Steer a course that is true.

xxxxx

October 6, 2005
8:50 pm
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22haha
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Hi sininho if you are still here.

Nesh, mama, shaney - the bf had his first counceling session today and he thought it was great. He even sent friends of ours a congratulations card on having a baby (something totally out of the norm for him). He said he told the therapist why he was there and he will continue to go for a few weeks and see what happens. He was so peaceful tonight to talk to. I really hope this does him some good. Thanks for always listening.

October 6, 2005
9:03 pm
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human drama
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B-U-T- FUL POEM
Thanks!!!!!!!!!
Glad things are looking up with bf - 22!!!! : )
hd

October 6, 2005
9:12 pm
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Neshema
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Sin and 22-

Thank you both for inspiring me when I really needed it badly. The last of my promotion materials are due in the morning. I will be up all night finishing...maybe checking here for short breaks. Loved the poem..it was perfect, sinin! 22, soooo glad to hear about the bf. That is really uplifting...there may be hope yet! 🙂
I am really excited for you and for him, 22.

If you get a chance, please read my post on "connections: the lure of" or whatever it is called. I am on the brink of this major realization about what went wrong in my last relationship and what could be going wrong now. It didn't used to happen. So, I am trying to sort it out and articulate it. I am so close, but not quite there. I feel it coming. It really came about by going to an online CODA meeting and meeting up with this clinical psych who is a CODA himself. We talked for a very long time after and sort of helped each other quite a bit by "calling each other" on things as we were conversing....noticing patterns in our interactions....the two of us know way too much. NO, I am not a clinical psych, but am in a related area (as you already have realized). I am not a therapist whatsoever! I never analyze anyone here...just to make that clear. He needed someone who was not a clinical psych to talk to for once, but I was smart enough to catch on. So, anyway, he "called me" on a bunch of stuff...and between that and reading that darn Pia book, and my total and utter frustration with the current guy, I think I am figuring some stuff out.

Yeah, I am mad at my guy yet again. I think I am losing patience for him. I am sorry to say it, but I just cannot deal with it. I mean I am ready to withdraw from a major project we have together and lose a ton of money. His issues are not my issues. OMG, that is what he said his last gf said to him! Now, I know why!

October 6, 2005
9:29 pm
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22haha
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Hi Nesh - I just read your other post and it is very interesting. I think that sometimes people have issues that we don't see at first and it isn't that they rope us in we just want so bad for them to love us that we don't always notice the bad things right away. I know what you mean about being in love with being in love. I think we do this too often. We are smart people but the thought of connecting with someone gets us so excited that we fall too fast. So, what exactly are you thinking now? Your guy has issues (we all do) but you don't seem to have that deep inner connection with him to build on?!? I think we know when there is a connection and when there isn't. Am I right? I think for a relationship to work it has to be mutual on many aspects - love, physical, intellectual, spiritual etc. When something (or more than one thing) is left out we feel unconnected like something is missing between us. What do you think?

October 6, 2005
10:04 pm
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Shaney
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Hi everyone!

22 - it's nice when they make an effort and seem to "get it" isn't it. I'm hoping for some big breakthrus for the two of you - you've waited long enough, now maybe the two of you can GET somewhere.

Neshilicious - I read that thread... went right to it actually. You've had some really good realizations, I think. It makes a LOT of sense to me.

Every time I broke up with someone, I'd have this mental list of what went wrong, and what went right. With this in mind, it was like I was deliberately seeking out qualities that I thought were GOOD for me, rather than what I was attracted to. I would think, "Well, the ex wasn't that smart, so now I want a smart guy... I need an intelligent guy...that would be good for me." I'd go out with a series of smart guys, ignoring other personality flaws or red flags, attempting to make a realtionship out of a stupid quality that I thought would be GOOD for me. It was a failure from the beginning, but I ignored it, because of this mental deal I had made with myself.

My current relationship, started differently than any other relationship that I've had. It felt different from the very beginning - because I did away with the mental list and paid attention to what was right in fromt of me. HE was different from any other guy that I had gone out with. It started slow, and we never jumped into anything (NOT like me at all). We got to know eachother, worked on ourselves, worked on our relationship, and things got better and better with time. The big difference, was the fact that I was discovering what worked for me as I went - without my predetermined mental checklist. Mutual respect was my biggest requirement, and still is. It was really hard for me not to have these huge expectations, and when I started that expectation thing that was always so damaging in the past... things would start feeling out of control. But when I did away with that mental list and got to know someone for who they really were and not what I expected them to be... it worked. No one is perfect - my boyfriend is far from it, and so am I. Sometimes I think that it's all about what we will tolerate, rather than what we require. Just rambling.

October 6, 2005
10:07 pm
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Neshema
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22-

Right now, I am thinking he and I could have had it all, but his issues are becoming my issues. This is a new twist in my thinking about both these guys. I was writing an email to my mother saying his issues are becoming my issues after I wrote my past post. I realized, WOW, I heard that one before. His ex gf said that and I thought that was so heartless of her. However, I think when someone has issues that impair a healthy relationship from moving forward and they become my issues, I cannot be there for that person. She left him. I finally left my last bf because of his issues. I think his issues are becoming my issues and I think, as much as we could have had it all, mutual respect, attraction, intellect, communication, we won't. I am sad, but I am tired.

October 6, 2005
10:24 pm
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bonita1
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Wow!!

22hahahaha (oops! sorry got carried away!) You have a man who agreed to go to therapy and went??? Wow!! That is Big... really, really, BIG!!

Shaney,

Your words struck me and made me think. "I did away with that mental list and got to know someone for who they really were... No one is perfect - my boyfriend is far from it, and so am I." Thank you for helping me catch an insight into what I have a problem with too. Only I tended to make that list into a fantasy lover/husband. Never worked!!!

Neshie!!

Talk about insights!! You seem to have had a major insight with "His issues are not my issues. OMG, that is what he said his last gf said to him! Now, I know why!"

Your paradigm is shifting... do you feel the earth moving??

Keep on that track, honey!! It could be the right one.

Love you all on the night crew!!

(((((GROUP HUG))))))

bonbon ;))

October 6, 2005
10:44 pm
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cpt1212
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Hello Everyone! Everyone seems to be doing really well tonight and I am glad to see that

October 6, 2005
11:03 pm
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Neshema
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hey, everyone! THanks for the replies, Shaneypoo, bon bon, 22, hi cpt- I am in hell with the last of this promotion stuff. It is due tomorrow. I cannot take my injection tonight or I won't make it. On top of that I am dealing with this anger and exhaustion. Sorry to complain.

October 7, 2005
12:40 am
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mamacinnamon
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((((Nesh)))))
Need a hug and a cup of coffee. You'll have it finished and all in perfect order. I have no doubt.

Hi cpt, 22, shaney, bonita, whomever I might have forgotten.

Just stopped in to say hi. Was running in the city all day and then piccked the kids up at school and went back up to the city to the dentist. I do like to get out, but i'll pay for it tomorrow.

October 7, 2005
12:45 am
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cpt1212
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Hey mama, nice to see you. I also had a crazy errand day---from 7:30am to 7:30p, and I have a long list of things for tomorrow too, it never ends lol

October 7, 2005
1:10 am
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Doesn't seem like it. I don't have anything pressing till next Tuesday. Yeah. If I could have driven myself I'd hve only had 2 hours this am and 21/2 hours this afternoon away. But, I have to depend on my sister and she hates being home so we have to ride along the whole day. I do have fun tho. Specially when I don't get out often

October 7, 2005
5:50 am
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Neshema
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He almost got dumped for good tonight. I spent hours talking to him rather than working on my promotion. It was awful. I was shaking.

October 7, 2005
6:04 am
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Hi Nesh,

Dear Nesh,
Sorry you are going through all this. Thaks for your response on my thread. Really appreciated.

So did you two manage to come to some conclusions? You spoke to him all night. Any developments?

I hope that you are able to get the rest of the promotion stuff done.

Are you feeling better now? Has the shaking stopped some?

I am here- it is just noon over here so i am up.
((((((((((((((Neshie))))))))))))))))

October 7, 2005
6:29 am
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Neshema
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Tbanks regret...I think it might be hopeless. It ended better than it started. We care about each other. Neither a substance abuser or anything. Both professors. He just has tons of issues. I am sad.....we are ruining a good thing....well, I honestly think he is mostly ruining it..doesnt want to lose me, but just making me miserable as much as he could be perfect for me. It is a mess right now. I have to go to bed. It is 5 30 and my promotion stuff is due at noon. I have to get some rest and then finish. I am soooooo sad. I am ready to walk. I just can't keep this up. He has to work harder on the issues or I am done. Thanks for caring. You are so sweet. XOXO. I am gonna go cry.

October 7, 2005
6:40 am
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Dear Nesh,

Please get some rest for now. I will write a long post for you later so u can read it when you wake up ok?

Hugs to you!

October 7, 2005
8:41 am
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Nesh:

Sorry you are being thrown back and forth in your decision makeing. I thought your promotion ws finished.

Hey, the other night you said you had somethng that could help me w/ my health. I'm listening.

Sorry you had such a hard time last night. Soon as your promotion thing is over you need to focus on making a decision regarding the guy. It's to draining on you and is making your health worse.....

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