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Throwing away
October 9, 2009
3:15 pm
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Antagonist
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Just as the title says, I'm having a really hard time throwing some things away. I cannot get myself to throw away things that have been given to me or left by my ex girlfriend.

I cannot even bring myself to delete her old e-mails. I don't go throgh them or read them but I cannot bring myself to just hit the delete button.

I tell myself to set myself free from her I need to get rid of everything that reminds me of her, but when I actually get msyself to do such thing, I cannot go through with it.

Any thoughts on this?

October 9, 2009
5:30 pm
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StronginHim77
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Sure. You still want her back and you're not ready to call it quits.

- Ma Strong

October 9, 2009
6:16 pm
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Antagonist
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You really think so? It's been three months, I have not contacted her, she has not contacted me. I know I won't be contacting her and highly doubt she will try to either.

Things have settled down for the most part, there isn't any going to be any "getting back together" I've come to peace with the knowledge that I caused some of the issues in the relationship, and that I need to correct somethings about myself. I am sorry for the mistakes that I made but after all that happened between her and I, things will simply not work out. It's best to just leave it just the way it is.

October 9, 2009
6:30 pm
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StronginHim77
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You still have feelings for her cause those items still have significance for you.

It's ok. Hold onto them. Pack them away in a box out of sight, if it helps. But don't "dump" them, until you have a peace on it.

- Ma Strong

October 9, 2009
10:17 pm
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chelonia mydas
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Hi Antagonist,

I still have things from my ex husband that I just can't throw away. He actually left me with a lot of his junk and my house is pretty cluttered because of it, but I'm trying to work on it.

A while back I made an effort to let go of some items. I found it easier if I had someone that really needed them. For example when I realized that one of my workers only had a few outfits (really he had a total of 4 outfits: his church outfit, three work outfits and a pair of boots) it was easy for me to give him my ex's old clothes.

18 months after he left I mailed his mother back boxes of family photos and memoribilia. But it took me that long to feel comfortable doing it.

Some of it too is just because its too painful to deal with it. If its in a box I can ignore it for another week, month etc.

One thing I did do with some items that are in the catagory of can't-keep-but-can't-throw-out-either is to make a dissappearing box. What I mean by this is that I shared with a good friend that I was having difficulty getting rid of some items and asked for their help. My request was that I would give them a box of things that I wanted them to keep for a month, after that time I needed them to just dissappear. During that month, if there was something that I changed my mind about I could ask for it back, but the rule was that in order to get it back, I had to be able to describe it well enough for her to find it in the box and I had have a place to put it. I couldn't look in the box for the item. If I couldn't describe it well enough to claim, then I didn't need it. After the month was over, I was never to know what happened to these items or see them again, ever.

Then I sorted through the pile I carefully. I held each item and considered what emotion does this bring about? what memories are brought out by this item? Does having this make me happy? sad? indifferent? angry? The items that were in the happy catagory got put in a box to save and the ones that fell into the other 3 catagories went into the dissappearing box.

Once I had gone through the pile, I gave it to my friend who put it in her garage for a month and then it just dissappeared.

I found that after I packed up those items, I forgot about them and they dissappeared. My attachment to them was because when I saw it I remembered things, but why keep something that holds a sad, angry or indifferent memory?

When it was over, I felt lighter the day I gave her the box. I have done this a few times and only once did I ask for something back and that was when I did the dissappearing box with my Dad and it held many items from my childhood.

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