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THOUGHTS Of SUICIDE PLEASE HELP ME
January 5, 2006
3:31 pm
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mosher1yr
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where are you guys????

January 5, 2006
3:34 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Mosher, Mosher.... you player.

What you said is exactly what should have been said. You set a boundary w/ her. "give ma a few days". I think that is so wise of you. It will give you time to reflect and think on what you want to do; and it will probably drive her nuts because now if she respects you she will not call for a few days. Good for you.

I am glad to see you in a much better mindset. Now.... YOU do not call her for a few days either. Wait till Sunday or Monday before you contact her at all. And please take this time to think about the whole situation. Write it down as soneone said.

For 18 you are quite a wise man.

January 5, 2006
4:16 pm
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mosher1yr
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Im not that wise because if i was i wouldnt be in this situation in the first place.

I dont want to be the one to call her i want her to call me i want her to want me back. But i feel like she want call. I feel like i am going to die over the waiting period. O how i miss her. When she said it was over she said it with sternness with boldness, was that with anger or fear???? she loves me i know because she wouldnt have emailed me and said she was sorry, right??? But if she doesnt want me back then why try???? why put the effort in??? or howmy head hurts from all of this thinking.

I wanna change for her for me for you guys for my family my friends but the time it takes i feel like its them slowly slipping away specially her. O how i wish you guys could seee her because if you guys could that would be the first and probaly the last time you ever laid your eyes on an angel!!!!! She is beautiful her smile is to melt for and after 2 years of dating my hands to sweat when i held her, I still got butterflys when we kissed. I am deeply in love with this girl and i know she is to but she is tired of the fights and dissapointment and the things i say i am going to do but it never gets done. Will the changes help??? does she want to come back and is just scared???what is keeping her???? what will help???? o so many questions in my head. please help

January 5, 2006
6:31 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Mosher:

Yes, so many questions. And she does sound like a very beautiful person. All these questions. All these questions that you are not to be dwelling on. Dwell on helping yourself. And unless you change for yourself it will not stay. Nobody to change for but you. Be who you want to be.

It's gonna hurt. But put the hurt aside and channel it toward yourself. It's only a few days, like that is not eternity right now), you can handle this. You truly can.

January 5, 2006
6:47 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Me again....

I was sitting here posting and fading away, but anyway, I heard the song on the radio and I listened and I wanted to share it w/ you. Print it out and put it up around your house and when you feel and think of "her" then go read this and remember.... You will get thru this.

Song: I'm Not Goin Down
by JoDee Messina

I woke up today with a headache
More bills to pay than a corporation
Hey, when will it end
My mirror says I could use a break
An easy day, some appreciation
Hey, how 'bout a friend
When days like these start to fall in on me
I gotta face my reflection and say, hey

Chorus:
Been burned by the fire
Been stuck under water
Strung up on a wire
And still the world goes around
Been tossed like a free throw
Knocked out when the wind blows
Pull the curtain on the hurtin'
'Cause I'm not going down
(I'm not going down no, no)

Inside of me is the only
Highway that leads to a true freedom
Holding out it's hand
I close my eyes and it's all right
The sun will shine on a new horizon
Just around the bend
Days like these bring out the strength in me
So I can face my reflection and say

Chorus:
Been burned by the fire
Been stuck under water
Strung up on a wire
And still the world goes around
Been tossed like a free throw
Knocked out when the wind blows
Pull the curtain on the hurtin'
'Cause I'm not going down
(I'm not going down no, no)

I still get dizzy and frantic, lonely and paniced
But next time I won't let it beat me, no
I can see clearly, I know who I am
And that's how I know I've begun living

Chorus:
Been burned by the fire
Been stuck under water
Strung up on a wire
And still the world goes around
Been tossed like a free throw
Knocked out when the wind blows
Pull the curtain on the hurtin'
'Cause I'm not going down
(I'm not going down no, no)

Was only gonna put the chorus, but couldn't decide, so you take from it what you want. 🙂

January 5, 2006
7:23 pm
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alycia
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Well done mosh cause u do need some space. See u do have some strength and i am glad u found it. Give her a few days or urself i mean .... Let her panic and feel a bit of pain in having to wait for u, it wont hurt and is what she needs. Chin up okay... she emailed you so i dont doubt she is hurting just as much as what you are... Keep us posted

January 5, 2006
7:26 pm
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mosher1yr
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hey ive been waiting for somebody to post back. Well i accomplished on theing to day i signed up for school so i finally can cross that off my list of physical thing to do. i wish she could see the effort and sicerity that i have i love her and i dont want her to forget that. I miss her so much. She just texted me on the phone saying "i have no room to talk that i will go back to my ex girlfriend in no time" why is she beign like this she get so mean. I just dont understand her.

January 5, 2006
7:28 pm
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alycia
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She will die just as much waiting for that phone to ring, women are like that with waiting for that call. Be strong, let her call you cause she ended it didn't she... so you shouldn't be the one adding more pain by making more moves, let her do it..... stay strong and u will be prouf of urself for being so strong and not giving in and calling, show her how tough u can be cause she is probably expecting a call today so mean it when u say u want space.. U need this time to figure out how u wil cope if it is over, what u can do to help urself thru this bad time or to see if she may change her mind on it all, u both need time out though right now....

January 5, 2006
7:32 pm
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alycia
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hey i cant stay her stupid dad is coming over, to text u that she is very jealous and insecure .. she wants out but at the same time is very insecure, was it your ex u slept with while u two were broken up? Maybe thats why, that text msg says alot. as a woman believe me it says alot....... she wants one thing but at the same time is so scared u will move on so fast.... she sounds to me like she doesnt know what she wants... honestly....... Great to hear about school... Chat soon k and sorry as usual it seems i gotta run, if her stupid dad cancels i will be back......... cya mosh, stay strong

January 5, 2006
7:49 pm
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mosher1yr
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Well we broke up andit took me 7 months to moveon so no the girl i had sex with was a new girl met. I moved to fast with that and that wasnt like me.

This is so hard i know she misses me but i aslo know she knows me the best, she knows she can have me anytime anywhere she has me by a string. I dont want that ya know what i am trying to say. I want her to feel like she has to work for me i dont want to be at her becan call. I want to be wanted. O i dont know if this makes sense but it makes sense in my head and thats what counts. I miss her and i want her to be in my life but i want to find my life first ya get what i am saying.

January 5, 2006
10:53 pm
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mosher1yr
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Alycia were are you--

She keeps texing me she keeps blaming me that i went runningto my other friend( who is a girl who the girl i almost dated after her).

Ok what i will tell you the story. After her and i broke up i ended up moving to California to go to college. And Katie( is the one weve been talking about) knew that i was going to california but i never told her goodbye and i regrete that. After a few weeks she called me and told me how much she missed me and loved me. That right their i knew she missed me and wanted me back so i made her say it and she did. So i came to here to florida for her. And i left california and we ended getting back together.

Now that were broken up again Katie thinks i went running back to Bethany the girl back in california and i didnt it didnt even cross my mind. I really have be thinking about me and how to inprove myself. She keeps texting me telling me and accusing me of going back to her. So i told katie that if she could just talk and be nice that i didnt want to talk to her. Was that stupid? i also told her to call here in the next week.Was that stupid? man i wish i could call one of you guys. I have so much to say but my fingures are getting tired.

I feel like she is trying to make me made to try and piss me off so i hate her so i say something mean so she can use against me. I feel like she is playing mind games. What do i do? Where are you guys? help help help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

January 6, 2006
12:22 am
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mamacinnamon
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Mosher:

You hit it right on the head. She IS playin mind games w/ you.

Turn off the phone or whatever is text messaging. Turn it off so it doesn't drive you crazy. Then plug in a movie, go for a walk, do anything that is good to take your mind off her.

Do NOT answer if she calls; do not respond to her texting. If she sends a friend over to check you out, don't talk to them about it. The best way to drive a cat crazy is to NOT let them know what you are doing. Ya know, curiosity killed the cat. It won't kill her, but hey, you might just get a laugh of it later when you look back.

You are strong. You can deal w/ this. The best thing to do in this case is NOTHING!!! You are doin great.

January 6, 2006
2:13 am
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mosher1yr
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But it is so hard to look at that phone and see it say katie but not be able to pick it up i love to hear her voice but i cant i know that it is not healthy.

I was happy today my younger brother came and hungout with me it was nice since i hadnt see him since i moved out of my parents house i miss him.

In a werid way i am excitied so see what happens down the road, i am going to miss her but shelfishly my life and me are more important and honestly i cant handle a relationship. I am not ready for one. But i dont have the guts totell her or the will power to stick with that because i know if she called right now and say she wants me back i would go. And i know it would be smart or healthy. Again so much in my head.

January 6, 2006
2:35 am
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mamacinnamon
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Mosher:

I know you have alot in your head. Look at the post above this last one. DO NOT contact her. There is a NO Contact on the threads. Find it and check into it. I think they give each other support.

January 6, 2006
3:27 am
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mosher1yr
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I just wish i could speed up time. I cant handle this. I cant sleep anymore, i cant eat, its like i am falling apart i get one thing done but then anothe one falls on me.

January 6, 2006
3:38 am
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mamacinnamon
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Mosher:

Still UP?

January 6, 2006
5:13 am
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alycia
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sorry mosh i think the time diff with us 2 is pretty huge, when it was 3 in the afternoon the other day for me u were struggling to sleep at 1130 or so pm.. Sorry i wasn't around as i said her dad came, consumed my whole day. Listen to mama turn off that phone, i am not kidding. Why is she essentially stalking u with text msgs? Again she is full on insecure, she calls it quits but is scared u are gonna go running to this female friend of urs, even i am confused by this girls mixed messages. Turn off that phone as i said, drive her more mad ... Do u know how i wish i could be like you and if i chose to not see this person again i just could, my stupid ass comes around almost every 2nd day, god it hurts all over again when he goes home. It brings me to my point of no contact.... These lucky ppl write about days and months of it, i will be happy for a weekend, i lied and said we would be staying at my mum's. Its my no contact method.. I am glad u enjoyed seeing ur brother, maybe u should get together with him again tommorow if possible? This has gone all over the place but my point is listen to mama and i hope you are doing okay... you say u dont want her but you would have her back in a heartbeat ... i would have my babies dad back too but i cant now, he has hurt me way too badddd. Stay away from her even for a day mosh, calls texts all of it, give urself a break from the stalking and head games, constant text msgs accusing u of this and that pretty much come close to stalking cause in a small way its outta control and she is consumed by jealousy, trust me...... take a day off from it, talk to u tommorow

January 6, 2006
5:25 am
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alycia
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hey mosh i posted a question about 40 yr old men living with their mothers, it may make u laugh even just slightly........ You can help me what drives a man who is 40 yrs old to live happily with his mother who once drove him mad? Is he havin a midlife breakdown hah, cya soon

January 6, 2006
7:25 am
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Sophie3012
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Just the mere fact that you want help proves that you don't really want to do it. Talking about how you feel when you are like this will help you to make sense of what is going on. Are things any better now?

January 6, 2006
3:32 pm
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mosher1yr
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Today has been ok, I sleep in most of the day because i cant sleep at night because of all of the things running in my head i finally fall asleep in the morning and sleep most of the day.

I just want to be happy with her. I wanna have things all ok. I want to have my life together, i want it to be like we first met ya know. I miss the late night movies haning out. And it scares me in a way cause i may never have her back i may never get to kiss or touch her again an i love her so much and even now when were broken up and she said all of those hurtful things i still love her more than yesterday and i will love her more tomorrow than today. She is awsome i want her to be in my life, but i know i need to find it first but i feel like the time will take her away. OOOOOO the pain

January 6, 2006
6:26 pm
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mosher1yr
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where is everybody

January 6, 2006
6:30 pm
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alycia
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hey mosh

January 6, 2006
6:43 pm
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Anonymous
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Hang in there it will get better. Hopefully this year will good for you.

January 6, 2006
7:15 pm
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mosher1yr
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Their you are.......are you busy?????

January 6, 2006
7:25 pm
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alycia
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hey im back, im going crazy, have been trying to get my baby to sleep for the last hour, i had to leave her for a second..... its very hard sometimes

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