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thoughtful words
April 14, 2004
5:28 pm
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sdmw
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September 24, 2010
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In October of last year, my partner of almost five years called it off. She said she never loved me. She said she was tired of living up to the expectations of others but knew the only thing I expected of her was that she be herself. A month later, I discovered she was having an affair with a friend. She insists that the affair was not my fault and that she doesn't understand how she could do that to me knowing my love for her. And still says that she never really loved me. That has been her side of the story to our pastor, her counselor, our family and our friends. She knows I have loved her as unconditionally as humanly possible and has stated this to me and others.

I've asked a ton of questions... "Why, if you didn't love me, did you enter into a covenant relationship with me after two years of being with eachother?" "Why did you allow me to be a parent to your child?" Why did we become a couple and a family if you didn't love me?, etc. Her response to all of my questions is "I don't have answers for you and it is inevitably my choice to offer answers or not. I am at peace with my choices."

Some days, I just don't get it. Most days my questions are about me now. How do I move on and trust again, will I choose to love with abandon again, etc?

I guess my questions for all of you are how do I learn to trust again? Was I wrong to love unconditionally? What do I do with the love that still remains for her? Is it possible to not know what love really means? Are there people who don't get what a lifetime relationship is or are not capable of being in one?

April 15, 2004
3:05 am
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Zinnie
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HI S,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

I have no words to explain why she has acted like this, except perhaps selfishness?

You appear to be a good person, and there will be a special lady out there for you - who will appreciate you for who you are.

Z.

April 15, 2004
4:21 am
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lewis
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September 30, 2010
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why do people do the things they do? big question isn't it!

don't let what other's have done to you, change you too much! I think we have to learn to change & grow. and thats fine, but don't change in a negative way - never trusting people again.

I reckon she didn't know what she wanted perhaps, and lucky for her she meet a good person.

so, give youeself some time to heal, and next time you meet some one new, take little steps.

i hope things feel better for you soon : )

April 15, 2004
1:39 pm
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sdmw
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September 24, 2010
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Thank you all for the input...

I think I really am doing okay. I just have a lot of questions. Somehow, I may have to resign myself to not receiving answers... in spite of feeling I deserve, at very least, some answers. I have surprised myself in how I have allowed myself to "be" in all off it. Not just with myself but with her also. I've run a huge spectrum of feelings but have, even in my anger, been gentle and caring. I want to be able to look at myself in the morning with my head up...

I wrestle with losing my family and not having a choice to hold on. Part of me wonders if I would feel differently if there was something tangible in all of this. I don't know. Just a ton of questions.

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