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thought I'd share w/my girlfriends out there
October 26, 2001
12:53 pm
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Molly
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The Awakening

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst
of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and
somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough
fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child
quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you
shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle
of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping
and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and
security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms
with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not
Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale
endings (or beginnings for that matter). And that any guarantee of
"happily ever after" must begin with you, and in the process a sense
of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not
everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you
are and its OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.)
And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and
in the process a sense of newly found confidence is born of
self-approval.
You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did
to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you
can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that not everyone
will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So,
you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the
process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers, and you begin to accept
people as they are, and to over look their shortcomings and human
frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born
of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world
around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have
been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the
crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look,
how much you shouldn't weigh, what you should wear, where you should
shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you
should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should
marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having
and raising children, or what you owe your parents.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And
you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really
stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and
you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or
should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you
learn to go with your instincts. You learn to distinguish between
guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and
learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one
you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to
love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk
away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a
relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more
intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on
your arm or the child that bears your name.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you
would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and
outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with
love. And you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on
your terms. Just to make you happy. And, you learn that 'alone' does
not mean lonely.
And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you
will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete
with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."
You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing
things over, and ignoring your needs.
You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK . . . and
that it is your right to want things that you want. And that sometimes
it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you
deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect,
and you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a
lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch. And in
the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. You begin eating
a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to
exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create
doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels
the body, laughter fuels our soul, so you take more time to laugh and
to play.
You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe
you deserve. And that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You
learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that
wishing for something to happen is different from working toward
making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve
success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.
You also learn that no one can do it all alone and its OK to risk
asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is
the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step
right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever
happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the
right to live life on your terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under
a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you
don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad
things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you
learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing
you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And
you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment
must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out
of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead
of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the
simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon
the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running
water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take
responsibility for yourself, by yourself, and you try to make yourself
a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less
than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your
window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep
smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful
possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you
take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life
you want to live as best as you can.

I don't have the name of the author.Some of us could use this tatood on our arms, don't ya think?

October 26, 2001
2:55 pm
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artist
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Wow!That's amazing and exactly what I was looking for(I didn't know that until I read it.) Thanks so much for sharing. I think that I'll go put a bit of that in practice by spending the rest of the day in my most pleasurable activity--beadwork. Inspiration accepted!!!

October 26, 2001
3:36 pm
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Cici
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Molly - can I copy this and send it to some friends who I think could really use this?

October 26, 2001
4:33 pm
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Molly
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Sure can, or I will e-mail it to you, I got it from a friend. I really impressed my self with my cut and paste talent, pat pat didn't know I could.

October 26, 2001
5:31 pm
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DeniseLover
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Wow Molly! Did I NEED TO READ THAT!!! I just re-read my first posting and then happened to read this. Boy, I think that's the answer I need. It moved me to the point of teary-ness. I thank you for sharing it. Can you email it to me? Should I share my email right here? (I'm new at this)

October 26, 2001
5:39 pm
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1dvsgirl
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Molly - Thanks for the posting. It really speaks to where I am right now! I already copied so that I could print it and put it with my list;)

October 28, 2001
12:30 am
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ranmar1
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Molly,
I found the same posting around the first of the year, when all my crap started up (Help Me Please-Randy). It has been someting I carry around with me. It really meant more when I finally realized what was really going on in my marriage, and Earl. What was I fighting to save? Now, I'm the one fighting to get it over with. She on the other hand, says she is in no hurry to finalize. What a wacko or what. Thanks for the posting....
Randy

October 28, 2001
1:09 pm
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Molly
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DeniseLover, you should be able to hit print, and get it.
I wouldn't post your e-mail unless you have a like a hot mail address. Call me paranoid. I have been tempted many a time, but never done it my self, several others have with out any problem that I am aware of. Welcome friends, know I love to share, please just continue to pay it foreward

October 28, 2001
2:32 pm
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Ladeska
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.......ahhhhhh......and if we can breathe this in and make it apart of us.....we would bloom purely for the sake of blooming....

October 29, 2001
1:35 pm
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Molly
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Blondie, just got to tell you, that forgiveness is the key. There is so much energy that is consumed by the anger, and the way I look at it for me, is that when I ditched my anger, I ditched his controll over me. See with that anger that he left you with, and believe me I really understand, I figured he was still in controll. Because I was still in the past, instead of free to be in the future. Now some of my forgiveness gets in my way sometimes, but it is a much better place to be in emotionally. Every once and a while, I say God help me, and just like they say in the meetings, turn it over to your higher power, so I did, I wrote a letter, put all my hate, distrust, anger, hurt in writing, and set it afire, so the smoke would drift up, I know God has smoke detectors, so he would know when it got there, and take care of it for me. I wasn't big enough to do all the forgiving, far less all the forgivness of my own contributions, on my own, and when I did that I was so much lighter. Life day to day is so much easier. The best part is I have so much more room for love, including self love.

October 29, 2001
3:05 pm
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Ladeska
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Anger is definitely a power source. Is a negative one, but a source nonetheless. There are other sources though - more serious ones - ones that kick major butt. I think a lot of us hear the “forgiveness” thing and then associate symbols of some martyr laying down in front a train - all in the name of wuv and forgiveness or something like that. Funny how religion can mess with your mind sometimes, huh? Actually, I think, it’s “mankind” that messes with our brains and has nothing whatsoever to do with God.

At any rate, forgiveness - isn’t forgetting.... Isn’t possible. But, it is about letting go of a snake. It’s that last little sting of poison that is the most lethal of all. The one that whispers to our rawest place and says......please hold on as tight as you can to this...because I’m not done hurting you....

When I let go of one of my snakes in my life.....which was a really, really brutally nasty one - I realized something......when I looked into his eyes and spoke it - he truly feared me and I saw it. Eyes don’t lie. From that point on - it was me who had an almost invisible upper hand. Whatever “anti-life” force that was in him - envied the life that was in me and knew - that what had been thrown into my life to effect my destruction - had now been plucked out by my own hand and thrown back - no thank you.

We buy into that thing of - always engaging and holding onto the snake. And it drags us right over the edge and for what? Some of it is ego driven, gonna hate em and be stronger than they are. But, in all reality - we end up weaker.... It’s like we give more permission to continue their destruction in our lives. It’s not about being whimpy, in fact - it’s about being very, very strong.....

When I looked at this person and told him that I forgave him - it wasn’t about liking him or us kissing and making up - not at all, not even close. It was me saying to him - no more will I allow you to take up room in my heart where live things could grow. Your time is up, I’m pulling up your poisonous vines by the roots and yes I forgive you - which means in my language - I release you from me. I expel you. I will not waste anymore of my life’s energy - hating you. Now if you put yourself in front of me and challenge me, confront me, want to step across my boundaries - then, that’s a different matter and I will meet you there - head on.....

But, forgiveness - is letting go of the snake and winning over the nasty and the poison in a way that anger - never could effect in us. IF.....we truly want to win and not agree with our oppressors - letting go and giving ourselves a tremendous burst of life and energy - is the only way to go. How we get to that point with people - is our own individual path. Some people I have forgiven and some I haven’t. The ones I haven’t are blocking my life in ways that are extremely destructive. So, I write this and take it to heart myself... I have some things to think about here.....

October 30, 2001
10:49 am
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Jaskid
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Molly,

Thank you for touching my heart!
I am going to read this over and over until I memorize it. I hope it will help me begin to change my life and stop living in this overwhelming fear that has ahold of me.

:)Jaskid

October 30, 2001
11:14 am
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Ladeska
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Blondie....I Don't Even think of you as being a stupid blonde - then or now. Not at all. Love blinds us - that's about the long and short of it.

I very much think forgiveness can "feel like" indifference. Forgiving - is an act we do - it isn't a feeling. It doesn't open the door back to them - C'mon on in, grab a beer and here's the keys to my heart one more time! Um no. That's what we are taught forgiveness is and that's B.S. and a large portion of it.

We can't forgive like God does, because - we're not God. But, what we can do is - let go of the snake. It's a position of strength - not weakness. It does say - hit me again, it says - I'm letting go of your poison, these are my boundaries, you are responsible for your own wellbeing and release you from my life, expel you and hate the things you do, have done and yet - will not hold onto these vengeful hate because the other end of it - touches you and thereby - transfers poison into my life - just as if - you were still in it. Therefore....from my place of strength - I am onto you and I snip the poisonous vein through which - you still touch me. You will not touch me - anymore. It is over.

That's what I mean by forgiveness. Whatever pass through that act on our part that is of God - is of God and I mean "of God" and not of us because I don't think we can manufacture in and of ourselves - nice-nice feelings for or toward someone who has so brutally hurt us. Isn't of us. But, it is of God - if it does happen. He is responsible for that part, not you.

However....opening the door for it to pass through - can be - our part. And no, we don't have to ever tell the person face to face that we forgive them. In this case - would be something used against you and I don't think God or anyone else would want you to put yourself in that position. But, as long as we hold onto the hot poker - it continues to burn us....and the question begging to be asked is - why do we think we deserve it and I pose it to you...

October 30, 2001
12:02 pm
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Molly
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Jaskid, love to you girl, I sure hope it can help you. I hate that old saying, and don't even know what made me post it, but they say when the student is ready the teacher appears, in what ever form, just got to be open.

Blondie, I have also heard, and experienced that anger is what motivates us women to change, so if that is the case for you , then hold on. When your ready, you will let it go, sometimes, I wish I wasn't as passive as I have become, nothing like the passion of a good rumble. But I feel the volcano starting to errupt, hehe , or maybe its gas?

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