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those little annoyances that drive me nuts!!!!
February 17, 2005
10:09 am
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addicts wife
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Hi...
I am annoyed with my husband today... It's a phase I go through..especially now since Im in between jobs....
But the underwear on the floor, the wet towel on the bed...and WHY does he promise to do the dishes and NEVER do them??? or if he does , he can't seem to do ALL the dishes.I don't get it. I don't ask for much, In fact, especially since I'm home right now, I don't ask for anything, he works about 14 hours a day, so I "get it." But IF you're going to blow sunshine up my ass about helping, then I wish ya'd keep your word, becasue It's disappointing as hell... especially since one of my biggest "pet peeves" is waking up to a sink full of dishes.
Grrrrrrrr.
dumb boy.

February 17, 2005
10:16 am
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CAMER
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doesn't it feel good to vent!!!!! you could always just "leave" the dishes in the sink till he does them...but then again he may be waiting for you to do them!!lol!!

February 17, 2005
10:24 am
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addicts wife
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LOL.... Camer, I've "gone on strike" before, and since these "messes do NOT phase him, It only drove me nuts!!! His parents are total OCD pack rats.. My mom owns a house cleaning business.... I shouldve seen this coming.
Grrrrrrrr.
It is wonderful to vent, although I'll be getting up in a minute to do the DAMN dishes.... AGAIN.
l-o-n-g- siiiiiggghhhhhhhhhhh
Oh well. When we're rich, Im hiring a housecleaner. Jsut to come and help once a week, and we'll have an industrial dishwasher.... If they'd only make something like that , that would put them away, and cook too I'd be in heaven!!!!LOLOL, well, at least venting has allowed me to laugh at this crap.I've often said I'd love Him SOoooo much more IF he lived next door!!but i somehow think id go there to clean frequently.

February 17, 2005
11:25 am
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sdesigns
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Have you ever tried leaving his dirty undies in a pile til he runs out? Or would he start wearing yours then, just to have a clean pair? (Kidding!)

February 17, 2005
11:36 am
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You crack me up. I would just give him dinner on dirty dishes (but only him) until he starts cleaning some. OF course working 14 hour days is pretty hard on somone. I only work 8 hour days and the last thing I want to do is dishes. EVER.

February 17, 2005
2:37 pm
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addicts wife
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well.... I dont think he'll be wearing MY underwear, but the visual certainly made me laugh!!!!
I bought paper plates... I think today is just owrse than others for me. I know he works hard, but so do I (when Im working) and even when Im not I work hard on stuff at home.
I feel that at times He just says he'll do things he thinks he should do, but never does them for whatever reason.
Who knows???

February 17, 2005
9:30 pm
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addicts wife
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HA, he took me out to dinner tonight, "Promised to do the dishes when he gets home from doing his freinds brakes, IF I can stand to wait that long, and commended me for NOT doing them today... It was VERY hard NOT to, But i held out, andavoided the kitchen altogether this afternoon.... He still annoys me, But I do love the schmuck.... Especially (now that Im thinking about it...) Ive needed an oil change for the longest, and he's doing his friends brakes... well, probably becasue he's getting paid to do them, but still..... oh well, Im sure I'll be over this phase by tomorrow...Lets hope!!!

February 17, 2005
9:40 pm
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Hey there.

Tough day, I see. I picked up my "Al-anon Works" book today. You did the right thing. Do you know why when he says he will do it and then doesn't? I was reading about it today. Have you ever gone to Al-anon before? You sound like you have learned to deal with and cope with these issues before. Just wondering. I give you credit for hanging in there and having the love you do is great. But you've said before that he has gone to AA? Maybe that's the difference with yur situation than mine. I had a dry drunk who started to act out and dry for 23 years and never had gone to AA or any counseling, proud he could stop on his own. Yeah, but the behaviors returned and he got ugly. Can't help them if they don't acknowledge the problem and work on it themselves, right?

Any way, I just wanted to say I do admire your coping and humour thru it all. You sound strong in dealing with it all!

Sew

February 17, 2005
10:02 pm
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addicts wife
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Sew.. you gave me those tearful giggles!!!
I have gone to al anon for issues with my dad/friends who have ODed , and yes for support w/ my husband.. He had to go through a program, becasue I had him arrested about 2 years ago...( long UGLY story) and I "plant seeds of the 12 steps in most of my actions, and speech around here, as well as support, love, humor and encouragement... But he can be a PILL. being the stubborn love a debate snake tongued taurus that he is, he can be just as goofy, and lighthearted as myself, but that stubborn bull, creature of habit(even the bad ones) makes me loopy sometimes... venting here, In my "secret safe room" has done wonders for me too though, as well as prayer, adn walking /hiking it off. I'll probably hit a meeting this week, or at least get my arse in church , n' get on my knees. I feel my "emotional phase" coming on, so I am aware, and cautious with what I say, when i get this way... (it's a combo of being diabetic, and clinically depressed in the past, I can get a little manic at times, so I do alot of "sorting out" before I verbally vomit at anyone anymore.he mentioned at dinner that he could feel me being pensive, and stressed, and asked what was going on, I told him" aside from the damn dishes(chuckling) Im worried about my health, and being unemployed, and starting to ponder if I should consider short term disability to take care of whatever rheumatiod issue that was found in blood work, and have the surgery on my shoulder that has been repeatedly reccommended for the past 6 months, becasue I dont know How I can honestly, and sincerely loopk for full time work, knowing I'm not at "100%"
WOW.... reading this made ME realixe how much is REALLY on my mind besides the wet towel on th ebed, and the F-ing dishes!!!!!.......... now what???

February 17, 2005
10:28 pm
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addicts wife
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Im feeling like I should wash up and go for a brisk sit on th ecouch with the remote.. So, I m heading upstirs to pt my flannel white PJs with black cats all over them on, then im gunna brush my teeth/face, make a cupa' tea, adn hit the couch with my remote, and kittie!!!!
Yawwwnnnnnnnnnnn... thanks everyone for listening, and for all of your input!!!!!!
(((hugs)))
~J

February 17, 2005
11:33 pm
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addicts wife
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lolol....ol
I was curled up on the couch, watching family guy on cartoon network, and in comes Mr. Wonderful, dropped his stuff,(backpack full of paperwork n' crap) smoked a cigarette, and is , as I type... DOING the F-ing dishes!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hee-hee-heee! 😀
yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, for the laundry..okay, okay, rome wasnt built in a day,so.."one day at a time, I know...
But, Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
I will ahve sweet dreams 2nite.
LOL

😀

February 18, 2005
12:38 am
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GullyFoyle
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I've heard it said that there is nothing sexier than a man doing the dishes.

February 18, 2005
12:41 am
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addicts wife
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that is quite true, but also seeing a man being a daddy to a child that adores him is right up there too!

February 18, 2005
12:45 am
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SweetAmanda
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shhh! I am swooning

February 18, 2005
12:46 am
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addicts wife
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swooning, WOW!!!
hee-hee
swoon away sweetAm.

February 18, 2005
12:49 am
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I don't know if I would say that is sexy, but I would definitely say it is something beautiful to behold.

I've said it before and I will say it again, Fathers, hug your children! Hold them tight! Iknow it's tuff to get a hold of them in those awkward teenboy years, but it's worth it. When my son went off to the army, I hugged him in front of the whole world. And he hugged me back!

I miss him.

February 18, 2005
11:15 am
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awww, Gully~~
that is beautiful!!
Thanks for sharing that!!!

February 18, 2005
1:19 pm
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well, the dishes got done, but I noticed this morning that there is a science project growing in what was once a glass of OJ in a pint glass on his night stand...
(NASTY!!!!!!)
Should I throw it out?? should I bring it to his shop, tie a bow on it??
It's so gross. At times i feel like I live in a boys dorm room, and we're in our 30's.
I swear.. Im seriously considering buying a Duplex, So, he can live next door in his clutter, and filth, and I can live in my orgnized, tidy~ness....
Grrrrrrrr Boys ARE gross. Im wroting this and having an image of his parents house.. Where his mom is NOT capable of throwong thisng out. Last year, there was a christmas cake , on top of the fridge, that only had 4 peices cut out of it, and IT WAS STILL THERE ON MY HUSBANDS BIRTHDAY.....His birthday is in APRIL.
this has got to be some sort of OCD thing. being incapable of throwing anything out, especially food. There is stuff piled up to the ceilings in 90% of th e house, and there was a pile of newspapers in the living room that dated back about 5 yearsm and she couldnt throw them out becasue she didnt read EVERY SINGLE PAGE, cover to cover......I can not be in that house for more than 15 minutes without twitching, my hands start to ewant ot grab stuff ,and start organizing, and scrubbing..... It really terrifies me.My husband told me that when his parents went away once he "went ballistic" and threw out everything he could get his hands on, and when they came home, she was PISSED, and didnt speak to him for about 3 weeks!!! He's bought them new towels, and sheets, but becasue the old ones havent become TOTALLy transluscent, she wont even open the new sheets , they are 9somewhere) in the house , still in packages... is this what i have to look forward too?? He has physically handed me stuff to throw out, becasue he admitted he wasnt capable of doing it,but ,I sincerely DO NOT see myself being that "whatever' that i should take over everything. IF we inherit that house, IT is going to inherit one of those industrial dumpsters, and a wrecking ball!!!!
Oy vey.. god help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

February 19, 2005
5:59 am
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addicts wife
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Are there any books that any of you know of about "cleaning up clutter?"

February 19, 2005
6:54 am
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Not that it helps much if you're not into clutter control, or, down in the dumps with the blues, but here is a go at it for you;

How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life, by Alan Lakein publ by Penguin Books, NY, NY...it's an oldie, softcover about 140 pages, so a quick read and pretty straightforward. Another one is:
clutter Control, useful tips for getting rid of the mess by Susan Wright publ. Barnes and Noble, Inc. This one also has how to dole out tasks to family members. I only paid five bucks for it. Also had organizing desk, computer and financial file clutter.

I have another one, but it is packed away, now in storage. There are good books at the library and the book stores sometimes have them on sale, cuz every year new ones come out like rabbits, just like self-help books!

hope this helps,

Sew

February 19, 2005
6:32 pm
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addicts wife
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SEW.......
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the book suggestions..Ha- now where to put all those books???
LOL,I'll look for used or on sale copies of those books. especially the oe about doling out taks in the household. It seems we do really well for a while, but then it looks like a tsunami hit our apartment. I do know that we both have a lot of stuff, and I used to pride myself on being organized.. I'm not sure what happened, perhaps has to do with the depression/stress cycle, But I SO appreciate your input, and EVERYONE'S input, I am very grateful!!!

February 19, 2005
6:49 pm
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Dear addicts wife,

I applaude all the suggestions but as a male I have to add that unless HE decides to read the book on his own, it might be seen as an intrusion in his "private" side. If he is a mature, loving man then he should welcome the opportunity to demonstrate his commitment to the relationship and, more importantly, you. It's probably too late for my marriage, but I found an outstanding book by Julie Morgenstern called "Organizing from the Inside Out" that not only tells of working on the home and office but your life as well. Its a NY Times Bestseller which highly of it.

Finally, let me add that it's sexy for a man to do the dishes, iron the clothes, do the laundry, vacuum the house, take the kids so she could have time to herself ONLY if the woman can appreciate it. I know you are capable of that and will do it and I have to let you know that I certainly appreciate your efforts as one of the opposite sex who did the above and it was not appreciated. Take care, you're doing great and I'm certain will do better as time goes on.

Salmon

February 19, 2005
11:45 pm
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Salmon...
Thanks so much for your perspective.
I do so totally appreciate the efforts and strides my husband is making. I Know not ot expect an overnight sensation, but the actions are speaking louder than words, and Its wonderful to see. I am not a nag, or someone that haps on anyone. we are both trying and working on our boundaries, adn expressing our desires, and goals and jsut plain communication.... all of these things are challenging on their own or with someone, I know, and Im learning a lot about patience, and "picking my battles" there is a lot that is just not worth allowing myself to 'get worked up about" and a lot I can just learn t odo myself. we are best friends, and are learning to live wiht eacho ther in a constructive, healthy way.. becasue His last relationship was with a woman who is a violent abusive alcohlic ( In denial), andIve got some old baggage as well, but Our baggage is not nearly as heavy as it once was, and I (Hope) that IF we continue to work on ourselves individually we will continue to grow together, as a stronger "unit." I know we are worht the work, and I know i am worth the work, so I will continue to "keep on workin'"
Apparently Im also going on a tangent this evening....(LOL)
thanks all for your input, i so appreciate it, and always welcome it!!!

February 20, 2005
1:02 am
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salmon
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Dear a and w,

Tangental information is often the most enlightening and it is so nice to hear of someone who is dedicated to making a relationship work. I've heard said that love is a verb and I'll add a decision. I think it's when you decide for the good of the two of you that it's worth a bit of sacrifice of yourself because in the end you'll both benefit and be happier. Just remember to not give ALL of yourself and lose your self identity, self worth, and self love; if you do and put it all in the relationship, if it ends so does your own self image...a classic codependent ending that truly sucks (I know this first hand).

Anyway, am going to try and get some sleep as I have my own tangental issues to deal with. My best wishes for you, please take care and may God bless.

Salmon

February 20, 2005
3:49 am
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addicts wife
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Salmon... May your dreams be sweet!!!! Thank you so much for your input, and experience(s)
I am so tryingto make a relationship work, and It is so crucial to not get lost along the wy, ( ihave also learned this from experieince.)So P;ease know that those words were not onlly read, but heard, and felt!!!
B;ess you for sharing, and sweet dreams......

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