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This site has changed from one yr ago...
November 22, 2006
4:09 am
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alycia
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Hi everyone,

I am about to say something that may truly offend, its not meant too do that but after reading some posts lately and more so today i wanted to add my views...

Firstly santino, you have an awesome sense of humour and i am glad you can laugh at bad advice.

Last year when i first came here i did not find a clique in the site anywhere at all, i realise people make friends and chat, i notice jenni and sbd, even i used to chat to someone last yr but when it tends to take up alot of the site then thats where things are changing.

Regarding the sisters, i am thankful they have found each other for support but at the same time, i do feel for need because how is she meant to know when its ok for scared in michigan to chat to her and when it isn't.

If she wasn't wanted in the conversation back then (due to mich wanting it to be a smaller chat) and thats fine to do, then she should have been told back then if that makes sense in a polite manner.

Again, i am all for friendships but i tend to wonder if its being taken too far,

I have more i can add but i will refrain because it may come out the wrong way, i know what i mean but others may not.

I mean no harm in anything i say and i mean no harm to the people that call themselves the sisters, i hope i am not abused for this, I am just making an observation....

I will apoligise in advance if i truly do offend......

November 22, 2006
6:29 am
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SingleBeachDad
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Alycia,

You make a great point! I started wondering since I have gotten through my crisis that I was/am just socializing. And if this socializing is appropriate for this board or not. Yes, we do make friends here and I am forever grateful to the ones I have msde and that have helped me in my time of need. But you just can't sever ties with them just because your needs change. I think the moderator should put a "healed/friendship" section to this site. What do you think? And how would we go about proposing this? Alycia I am not offended by your post, I think it's a very good observation and there is no need for apologies.

SBD

November 22, 2006
6:38 am
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snowlover
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Alyicia,

I agree with SBD, i think you make an excellent point, and i think you worded it wonderfully.

I think what you said about cliques being formed is very important. A lot of people come to this site because they truly have no one to talk to, and because they feel like they are an outsider in their own lives. I personally would hate to see this site divide up into little groups of people, so that a new person didnt feel as though they could freely share, or post on any thread that touched them.

SBD..i dont think you need to worry that you are merely socializing here. I think its important to maintain relationships we form here as long as they are still beneficial to us and our healing. Its nice to have a sounding board sometimes to bounce things off of, and get other opinions on our thoughts and actions from time to time. I also dont think we have to always be in a crisis of sorts to feel like we can post and share. Also, its inspiring for others to see when someone, such as yourself, has worked thru a horrible trauma in their lives and is making it, and is truly happy and blesed with the new, peaceful life they are discovering.

Snow

November 22, 2006
6:54 am
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revelation
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Whats the sisters? Is that the afghan sisters thing? Oh I don't really read that thread as I only read threads that I think I can help on...and sometimes you just get lost and can't follow so you stop reading!!!

No, there were never cliques here, and I'm coming here since december 2004 (OH MY GOD!!!!!)

I don't think the site has changed though, I think the same stuff still goes on, we come here to get advice and to give it!

I must go and have a look at that thread now!

November 22, 2006
7:22 am
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lollipop3
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Hi Alycia,

I understand what you are saying and I have wanted to say something myself but I was afraid it would not come out right and I would offend someone, which is the last thing that I wanted to do.

The thing that concerned me was not so much that the "sisters" have formed a "clique" to the exclusion of others but that they seem to have become very dependent on each other, which on the one hand is great, but it also seems to be unhealthy at times.

I think it is so important for everyone here to realize that there are no professionals on this site. We are all going through our own struggles and personal issues and trying to make our own way and it can be unfair and unrealistic to expect the other people on this site to be our only source of support.

I always thought this site was a wonderful tool to help us with our recovery but I think it should be used in conjunction with other types of support and/or professional help.

Like you, I hope I have not offended anyone but I'm glad you brought this up.

Take care,
Lolli

November 22, 2006
8:32 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Has anyone EVER been excluded from our conversations? NO!!! They have not. Can you explain what is so bothersome about 5 or 6 of us, that all tend to understand each other and have grown to truly care about each other a lot? Because we feel that we seem to understand each other, and we have learned to understand each other (for the most part) and if that is what it takes for us to grow, who are you or anyone to judge that? When any one group of people get close enough to consider themselves sisters as we all do, there are going to be issues, and the last time I checked, we did not ask any of you to fix that issue. I can't say that Need or myself handled this last situation very well at all. Would it make it more comfortable to any of you if we took it to the libs side? Because I think that if you are asking for this to stop, it is most likely not going to happen. If what it takes for us to grow is diffrent that what it takes for you to grow is different does that make us wrong? Have any of you attempted to talk to any of us on these threads? NO. Basically what we have created for ourselves is a large support group, and it has made it VERy easy for some of us to talk about some very personal things. I am sorry that what works for us has offended any of you?

November 22, 2006
8:36 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Several of us have found comfort and safety in that group, to a point that we can talk about things that we have kept in for years. I am sorry if how we find our healing is hard for you. Is it that tough that if it bothers you, to not read the threads? I am not trying to start a fight, I am trying to ask an honest question.

November 22, 2006
8:39 am
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cyndra820
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Hi All,

Thank you for writing this. I was really upset that Need felt the way she did. And now ClownFace. I don't like that they feel that way. I know it has never been my intention to start a clique or isolate anyone and I feel that's what has happened without anyone intentionally doing so.

I am very concerned that so many people are thinking we're an "exclusive" group and I don't feel that way at all. I am upset that we've come across that way.

I am sorry that it seems we've created a clique. It isn't that way at all.

November 22, 2006
8:43 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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In addition to all of that, if we stuck merely to the sisters thread, that would be one thing. But I can only speak for me, I try VERY hard to post on several threads, for me and others.

November 22, 2006
8:49 am
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ggfred4
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Alycia, this is a support thread; not a judgement thread; I post on many threads, yet I do receive the most support and have grown the most on the sisters' thread...I take this as a personal attack...Please, read what revelation wrote...I agree with her...

Many people here post to a special one person all the time, yet they are not judged...this group was not planned, it formed naturally...It has blossomed; please, don't pull at the petals...join in, anyone is welcome, we are here in support and love......GG

November 22, 2006
8:53 am
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Jenni
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I'd just like to say, that yes, it's true, that I haven't been posting as much lately on as many threads. I have been posting on SBD's thread, mainly because I find his healing as inspirational. When you have watched it grow from the beginning, and you see the positive and light, it's difficult to just step away.

I in no way ever meant to cross any lines, nor ignore other posters in need. I've sort of been in my own little world lately, and I find this place to be a type of an escape for me. A way of taking a break from the real world.

But I do agree that you have made some wonderful points here. And I also agree with SBD, that we could use a healing/friendship section of this site, for those who have moved beyond the initial phase of pain, and have developed a friendship along the way.

Thank you for mentioning this! 😉

Jenni

November 22, 2006
8:55 am
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reachingout
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I have been coming to this site for several months now and it has probably saved me.I have posted before that I don't always feel people talk to me that much so I really don't post a lot but just reading has helped me and the thread just sex or is it more had to move to the lib side I just pop over there every day to read those girls just crack me up makes my whole day brighter so know one needs to go anywhere all of you in some way has helped me just reading what you have to say I really think it saved me. I'm not involved in any of ya's conversations but still love you all and your all of you are in my heart forever...STAY PUT...

November 22, 2006
8:58 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Thanks reaching...we have NEVER intended to hurt anyone. We have NEVER excluded anyone. Nor would we. I am a little discouraged by all of this. But, this too shall pass.

November 22, 2006
9:04 am
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2alone
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I feel like I need to say something too. I've never been upset at certain people chatting and supporting eachother - what has bothered me is I come here for support and frequently I get one or two replies. And they are nice, appropriate replies...I guess I feel left out...alone...like I don't express myself right to get people to help me out. I can handle it but there are other people that can't handle the "rejection" of few responses. Please take it for what it is worth.

November 22, 2006
9:05 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Now that I think about it....if you were to go back and read the "burial" to some of those threads...the prayers that close them include the people that are silently sitting there watching us grow. Or whatever. Which we have heard several people say. People have kept up with what is going on with us, because they care, and SEVERAL have mentioned the inspiration that is felt by the closeness that we have.

November 22, 2006
9:07 am
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reachingout
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If everyone would go back and read the sister thread they will see everyone is invited several times that is mentioned that anyone is welcomed

November 22, 2006
9:07 am
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ggfred4
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ZAlone, I have been in your shoes too...it takes time, yet effort on your part, participation...i posted little but mainly read for 3 or so months before things started happening..formed fellowships with people like P&L and sin, who I hardly ever see here anymore...so some come and go too...Sometimes things just happen naturally, this was not planned, I promise! I talk to others all the time. Please, keep trying, connections take time,take care...

November 22, 2006
9:52 am
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snowlover
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Well..i certainly didnt intend for my response to cause such emotional reactions. i have NO issue with anyone bonding, whether it be 2 individuals, or a group of people here.

I was simply agreeing with some of the points Alycia made, and was trying to look at the situation from a new posters perspective was all.

I also never said, or felt that anyone here was disregarding anyone else. was just trying to perhaps be a voice for those posters here who sometimes feel left out, and maybe need a little encouragement to get more involved.

Snow

November 22, 2006
9:54 am
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Jenni
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((((Snow))))

November 22, 2006
9:59 am
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snowlover
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Thanks Jenni.....((((Jenni))))

hate to see people getting so upset and defensive is all. i think we should all try to remember its the holidays, and its a very hard time of year for many people.

Snow

November 22, 2006
10:25 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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I do feel as though I am getting a little defensive. Why? Because the one thing that has kept some of us going, and makes us feel validated, secure, and loved is being looked down upon and that makes me sad. If we had that around us would we need to be here? We are all here for the same purpose and that is to get help and support. And because 5 or 6 of us are trying to do this together...and that is different than how others would do it, it is being accused that we are "exclusive." Name one person that we have EVER excluded and I will stop. But for a bunch of people who have NEVER tried to be a part of that thread, I think it is unfair to pass judgement...that's all. Sorry if I am sounding a little defensive...But to think that people want to judge us for what it is that helps US to get through our pain makes me upset. What makes you stronger may not work for me and the other way around. We have NEVER intended to hurt anyone.

November 22, 2006
10:35 am
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cyndra820
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((((Snow))))

I'm not defensive. I think that you brought up some very valid points. I hope I didn't seem defensive because I'm not. I apprciated your airing the opinion because I was concerned about Need and Clown Face feeling they weren't welcomed. Even though it's been cleared up, I hope everyone knows that we aren't a clique. We do welcome everyone who wants to comment.

Thanks again,

Cyndra

November 22, 2006
11:17 am
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2alone
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Thanks for responding to me - I again want to tell others that I don't begrudge them getting support from one another. Please just be willing to branch out to others. When I see only one or two responses I try hard to respond if I can help in some way.

November 22, 2006
11:32 am
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cyndra820
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2Alone,

I know how that is. Once I opened my mouth I couldn't quite keep it shut. Those here who know me tell me I give tough love, or am a major smart-ass. I guess it depends on my mood that day.

I try to post, but I don't want to spread myself too thin or look like a know it all.

November 22, 2006
11:33 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Cyn, you are a smart ass, and you do give tough love...thanks. I need that.

Mich

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