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This one is for you Plzdon'tsayuneedme
August 8, 2005
10:04 pm
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keepin on
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I have only told bits of my story here so far, and outside of cyberspace I would not dare tell this story to a soul. Last September I reunited with an old flame/friend for lunch and really just to become reaquainted. After all, I was married, had been with my husband for 15 years, and had what it appeared to be "it all", but the passion had died and although he was my best friend there was no sex for 3 years. I figured it was safe because I had heard that since this guy lost his son to a drug overdose 6 years ago he had become really messed up on heroin and i know i am too smart to get involved in a situation like that, but maybe i could help him. Oh boy did he need help! I helped him get an apartment, helped both his dogs get rid of heartworm, helped him get his very out of control blood pressure under control, furnished his apartment, helped fix his van, bought tools so he could work, bought his heroin for him, (until the hospital blood pressure thing) which scared the hell out of me and he actually quit for about 3 months. Anyway, I did everything except wipe his a** for him for almost the past year. I have known him all my life, i'm 39 and he is 51. I put his ads for his business in my name because I have good credit and he does not, left my home, my husband who treated me with dignity and respect, to move into an apartment downstairs from this guy where I still am now! As soon as he started making alot of money again and started getting back on his feet, straight back to the heroin! and now somehow i'm the bad guy, because the phones and ads that are in my name and I have to pay for i took away from him and put in my apartment, so i am the proud owner of a business in which i know nothing about! And i am doing the no contact thing on top of that. He is now an arrogant jerk,, where when I found him he was as meek as a lamb. So you are not alone. Just be glad you were not naive enough to attach all of these strings and make this big mess. I, too am very educated. I have 2 Bachelor's Degrees and have 2 semesters left on my Master's Degree in Political Science. I think codependants need to be needed, and I am a sucker for it every time. I seek it out. I contacted this guy when I heard he was back in town, he did not look me up. So don't feel so bad. You tried to help someone and feel good in return, thats all.

August 8, 2005
10:22 pm
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Anonymous
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Keepin on, I love your name, btw!!!
Thank you for sharing that with me. I have been beating myself up all day, and I can hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror. He has played me like a fiddle, and I have helped him. Looks like you and I have much in common, and I am sorry for what you have suffered.

I think we do what we do for all the RIGHT reasons, and then somehow it gets all turned around and ends up being a bad thing. I have "helped" people all my life, and sometimes I get "taken", but I always remind myself that I did what I did at the time with all the best intentions, and if the person who was the recipient of my generosity was playing me, then THEY will have to live with that and answer for it some day. But, most of the time it just plain hurts. Taken again!!!

I need to learn to stick up for myself. I avoid conflict...I'm a peacemaker. So sometimes that translates into "door mat". I don't want to be that way anymore! I say it EVERY time I get hurt, and then it happens again. It's not only in bf/gf relationships. It's happened with people I considered friends, as well as in business. I'm so sick of being rolled over like I don't matter!

I'm hoping this is gonna make me stronger and not bitter. Been down that bitter road before, and it is NO fun!

Thanks again for sharing. It's great to have this anonymous forum where we can spill everything, isn't it?

August 8, 2005
10:55 pm
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Plzdon'tsayuneedme- Please do read up on NPD. This is the first time I think I have helped someone with this personality and even though I too have helped people all of my life, and have went to great lengths, this one might be a little harder on us. I cannot think of anything that feels worse than when you give the very best of yourself, I mean the very best, how often do we go that deep? and then have it dismissed as nothing. Even though most people we try to help may not just get all excited and straighten right up, or act like they appreciate what we do, this is a whole new ballgame, at least for me it has been. Because I have always been the one everyone can lean on, count on, etc. So I don't understand the coldness and blatant arrogance. I so appreciate every kind gesture that people extend to me. Now I know that i am to blame for alot of why people don't help me often. I won't let them. I define relationships right from the start by being the strong one, I never need anything, so how can I expect people to read my mind when I do need help? But I will always respect people who were there for me when I am down, but I would not feel that I owed them anything, that is not what it is suppose to be about. If it is then it was done for the wrong reason in the first place. Good people don't help people to get something in return. Heres what I do know. Someday you may need something, and I have heard this from at least 100 different people. The help that you get will not come from someone that you expect, someone who maybe at least technically "should" be there for you, it will come from where you least likely expect it, but it will come.

August 8, 2005
11:10 pm
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I agree, keep! It IS different with this guy because it hurts so much to be tossed aside like an old blanket. I will definitely read up on NPD. Then maybe I won't blame myself so much. I keep thinking, well maybe I'm not being understanding enough, maybe the stress he is under causes him to lash out, maybe, maybe, maybe...

I'm the queen of excuses (I make them for EVERYBODY else.)! I know I am trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense and never will. Do you do that? Go over and over in your mind, what he said, what I said, what I should've said, etc. Makes me crazy!!! And the truth is, MY LIFE (outside of him) is in very good order. I've survived alot of tough stuff, and come out on top. I am very blessed and DO NOT take it for granted. I just don't know why I keep settling for less than. I'm hoping that's gonna change.

Keep me posted on your situation. I will be praying for good things for you:)

August 8, 2005
11:30 pm
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I am very blessed as well. This last year has been a wake up call, to say the least. I brought it all on myself and now all i can do is make the best of it. Thank you for saying you will pray for me, I think that is the greatest of all gifts that someone can give you, and I will pray for you too! Take care.

August 9, 2005
12:31 am
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stardust
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