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This one is for Cracker
August 15, 2001
6:31 pm
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cutter101
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i would have a very hard time being therapized by you mal, your very scary.

August 15, 2001
6:49 pm
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kafka
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I don't necessarily agree, JenMc. I think the issue should be acting RESPECTFUL. I have a problem with people who "act nice" just for the sake of kissing up to others. To tell you the truth, that's why I sought a place online for a few questions I had.... because people don't know me here and might offer me the cold hard facts rather than people I know or see face to face who might not be so candid because they're too busy being "nice". I'm sure we agree for the most part on being "RESPECTFUL", but keeping it respectful vs. keeping things "nice" is a big difference. Keeping things nice doesn't do me any good if I'm seeking the truth.

August 15, 2001
7:00 pm
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JenMc
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Kafka, let me take out the word nice and keep polite and add respectful and then I think we agree? I think your rite about comeing here for the truth, thats why we like the fact that its all anonymous really. I dont care how many different opinions i get, you know? we cant all agree thats for sure, but w e can be polite and when we give adivce,i quesion why some people have to say anything at all about what someone esle said. Just say what you have to say about the posters problem on the thread. that is oneof the guidlines, don't judge or preach, I just think that goes for "professionals" too, so if we all just keep in mind to be polite and respectful and stay with the thread at hand, don't criticize whaat
advice someone esle may have given, that would work. Agree? And by the weay, thank you for disagreeing and being "nice" ... šŸ™‚

August 15, 2001
8:09 pm
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kafka
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You're awesome... and I'm not just being nice!

August 15, 2001
10:49 pm
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Molly
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Gee, Malikaiu opps!
1) I have never denied what I do, merely suggested, how do you know for sure?
2) I acknowledged that your style, and for that matter needs are far more sensitive, and that is not my style,so, duh, I would have to reject you as a client,since ethically I know I couldn't relate to you,thus you would need to seek a professional that you can relate to. Had, and I say had,I addressed you, with your style of communication, it would have been a far different approach, in response. One of the criteria, I believe signifigant to a successful professional practice is the ability to relate to a variety of clients. Which means, many different approaches, with the expectation of he same solution oriented outcome. If the client had been spiritually based, every thing would have revolved around that as a signifigant part of the treatment, and as for Cracker, who I did not see a response,other than his humorous posting, he was direct, foreward, had no issue with dishing it out, thus, I assumed he could take it. Flexability in approach. I will take a stand, and say, pardon the spelling but Gestalt, is a far cry from Frued.

3) If the rules had been followed, and we posted with out critizing others, would we even have this conversation?
4)there is no way, I believe possible that you can process therapy on these threads, nor do I believe is the intent. There is no privacy, it is short term solution oriented, or directive, or insightfull at best.

Therapize, well I think diagnosis is the word, and it was merely an observation,going back to your defense of the prior mpd situation, and now Cracker, you seem to want to protect so many, which is not a bad thing,however some how in both instances, seemed to stimulate a need to attack directed at me, for something I said with a lack of sensitivity,(in your opinion) that offended you, but not the individual that I had responded to, I have no desire to treat you,or any one else on this thread, far less rumble in the gutter over counseling approaches, vs, treatment, vs, your trauma possibilities, "endure the same" Is that a threat? I don't get your anger, and ugh ugh have no comment. This is not the place for this nonsense, perhaps in your classes, you could look into internet forum, mental health ethics, ect, you expose your self to risk in a public forum,as I previously stated. Notice, I very rarely post to your writing, unless it is directed to me, or insinuated to me, or if I disagree 100% and have never insulted you, attacked your opinion, or style, or confronted YOU, I did however ask a question, in three parts.
I have absolutely no malicious intent, and would really appreciate it, if you could,like just ignore me? With all due respect, Molly

August 16, 2001
1:04 am
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malaikau
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If you see my posts relating to differences, and potential issues that could result as "attacks" I guess that's understandable, along with the defensive demeanor. What I fully intended to do both times was play devil's advocate and say "What if. . ." in an attempt to inspire some consideration of results of words and actions spoken in haste, and without critical thinking related to potential damage that can be done by words. I apologize if you feel this is a personal "attack". I feel it's simply a detailed picture of another perspective. I think we all do a good job of making each other think here, and that's a big part of the purpose of this place, I believe. Some of the process is unpleasant for all parties participating. I like to get introspective after these "disagreements" and I hope everyone else is willing to do likewise. I just find it really fascinating that people who accuse me of "wrong doing" feel perfectly justified in mimicking the behavior they claim to be so appauled by. . . It's something I love about this site, and those who frequent it.

Molly, I don't think you can really be the judge of whether or not you have ever "insulted" me. I think I'm the only one who can make that determination. Though you might be justified in commenting on whether or not you ever "intentionally" insulted me. . .

Cutter101, I have no plans to "therapize" you, so please feel free to relax and post to your hearts content. In fact, so as to ensure your continued comfort on this site, I will make a point to avoid your posts altogether and refrain from any contact or response. I hope that's adequate assurance for your continued participation in this site.

August 16, 2001
4:03 am
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hunt
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TEZ AND GINGERLEIGH,

I AM NOT CRACKER.I CAME TO THIS SITE IN SEARCH OF ANSWERS, OPINIONS......ADVICES.

HUNT

August 16, 2001
8:54 am
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cutter101
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I have no plans for you to help me either Malakau, but i notice you just pop up with very scary words for people when they least expct you. I wont take any comfort in anything you say you will or willnot do. Im here to get real help because Im scared enogh about cutting, i don't need to be critized by you too. You r response to MOlly is filled iwth bad feelings, i'm only fourteen but I think I know meanness when I read it no matter howmany big words you try to use to hid it. how can anyone be helped by that? if you can sound so cold how can you help, can you just turn it off? well thank you for avoiding me. i will also tryo to avoid reading your posts to others.
too scary and i dont need any more scary stuff in my life.

August 16, 2001
12:51 pm
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kafka
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For the record, I don't find Malaikau "scary" or "offensive" in the least. I have gone back to read and reread posts and fail to see what the big ballyhoo is. In fact, I'm clueless... am i missing something or are certain folks being a little too melodramatic? Further, it would be nice when people refer to other people they show the proper respect by addressing their name correctly instead of shredding up the name. I don't know, if there's anything that shows poor mechanics it's something that is as simple as this...

M Kafka

August 16, 2001
5:38 pm
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damaged
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cutter101
I am also a cutter or have been. What scares you so much about Maliakau. I would like to know what she had said in her post that is scary ,also when has she criticized you? I really wish you the best. However I really don't know what this tread has to do with any of this!!!!
Damaged

August 16, 2001
7:17 pm
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Hunt.

Thanks for the reassurances. Duplicity and game playing, in the form of the same person using different nick names, has occured a couple of times, that I know of, on this site over the last 2 or 3 years since it started. Once, someone actually used the same nick name as another poster and said horrible things to cause trouble for that person. Ahh...I remember them all so well. šŸ™‚

So... sooner or later one becomes very suspicious. You see, Hunt, for you to come right out and expose your vulnerablity so fearlessly, it would take a lot of courage and fortitude. You have either really 'got it together' matey or you are Cracker's alter ego or vice versa. I guess we'll have to give you the benefit of the doubt.

August 16, 2001
7:42 pm
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cutter101
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Hunt, Tez is right, i dont know if your new here but it's hard to beleve some people because a whileago one person actully posted under one name and then signed it under another and so since then I hardly ever post anymore because whats the sence if i cant trust people here. I cant trust people everywhere else in my life so i don't need it heretoo. ya now what im saying? it's possible for one person to pretend ot be a whole lot of other people and then how can i take the adivce of someone i think is jsut playing with me? I believed you though. I hope you will keep coming back, I hope you feel better too since you came here. I havent cut in a week or so since coming back here so ithink i am doing good from this.
I like it when Tez comes back too. Are you feeling better since most of the women said you should be okay?

August 17, 2001
9:43 am
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malaikau
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Hunt: I, too, can sympathize with your plight since I had the misfortune of writing a post from a friend's computer and signing it with my name. The result was a long conversation about me and my friend, you know the kind like parents sometimes have about kids at the dinner table when the kids are sitting right there but the parents are oblivious. . . ?

Kafka, perhaps this post will explain some of the reactions here. . .At any rate, my oversight ultimately caused my friend a great deal of pain over the cruel things that were posted, and I had many things to say in our defense and since then I am kind of "persona non grata" on this site. . . It has never helped that I'm the kind of person who will stand up and say something if I strongly disagree or have concerns about the things people say to each other here.

Tez; please continue to give Hunt the benefit of the doubt. For, as I've said in the past, even if he is both Hunt and Cracker, maybe that's just the way he needs to process. . . And truthfully, I don't think he is. I think he is a real person with real issues who got lost in the shuffle when Cracker showed up and got his (Hunt's) thread focused on a completely different subject. In keeping with my true demeanor, I feel it's so unfortunate when we, as posters, allow someone to enter another's thread and completely shift the focus. I think Gingerleigh was right on in starting this thread in an effort to get the focus of the other thread back where it belonged--on Hunt.

Hunt, keep hanging in there! We really do care about you and the things you want to share.

Mal

August 17, 2001
4:19 pm
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Cici
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Molly:

I personally find your therapeutic and conversational style very refreshing. My mentor and friend, my supervisor at my internship at the forensic mental hospital, has a very similar style but he's got an even harder ass! (If you can imagine).

I mentioned in my one post above that different people and problems call for different therapeutic styles, and I stand by that assessment. But if you're dealing with someone with self-esteem issues, they often tend to misinterpret situations and tend to take a self-attacking negative view towards what could be neutral. It's a common problem, an attribution error.

I also recently read an interesting study on modern methods of communication. The human mind and emotional/relationship interplay evolved to deal with face-to-face interactions. Transcripts of conversations tend to be choppy, hard to understand, because you miss the body language and facial expression. The same is true for e-mail - written correspondence takes a lot more cognitive effort, and we miss the suggestiveness of facial expression and tone of voice. So, there you go - that could be a recipie for disaster. Taking things lightly is a hard thing to do, but it helps out in the end.

August 17, 2001
7:04 pm
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Cici.

Regarding the print media, your dead right about the importance of the 'lost' channels of communication.

As you know, the big problem is that imagery, inflections, intonations, emphasis and imaginery volume levels are all unconsciously inserted at the receiving end and then negative intentionality is irrationally attributed to the sender. šŸ™‚

I suspect that emotional and psychological parental images from the past have a way of making no small contribution to the above mentioned insertions.

It's a veritable minefield to cross. šŸ™‚

August 17, 2001
7:17 pm
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Malaikau

You so nicely asked, "...please continue to give Hunt the benefit of the doubt." How can I refuse. šŸ™‚

However, I think Hunt and Cracker may have retired from this thread. Thus it seems that it is no longer an issue whether the two are one or vice versa.

I just hope that no one starts a thread like, "Vagina Size" as the complement to "Penis Size". I don't think I could stand it. One consequence of all the responses on such a thread would be my need for incontinence pads. šŸ™‚

August 17, 2001
9:37 pm
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Cracker
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First of all I thank you all, my adoring supporters.

As for Cici, I couldn't disagree more. I think behavior has everything to do with cultural aspects as anything else. I grew up in Brooklyn. I still choose this as my home. Surprising as that may seem, i still love it just the same. I love the yanks and hate the freaking Mets. I'm a Giants fan and adore the Knicks. I like the food on the upper eastside but prefer anything here on 16th.

I'm fairly certain that what I experienced growing up is probably not congruent with how you grew up. I find it presumptious when people think we're all suppose to act alike and talk alike and behave alike. I apologize for my tact on this board. The way I found this particular board was because of Miss Margeret the librarian at the Henry Street public library. Yeah that's right, I don't have my own freakin computer. Nor do I know how to get around this frickin thingy so you can probably scratch multiple personality off the list for Cracker. When I come on this site with Margaret "bookmarked" for my use, I see "Reply to Thread" and I see "From:" and it already has my name there. Now how do you 'spose I change that? Anyway, where I grew up I never received a "pink slip" from work like you do in L.A. or Seattle. They say, "GET THE F#@K OUTTA HERE!". And when I was disciplined by my ma she whacked me on the back of the head like every other freaking ma does here. So maybe some of you can try to remember that we're not all white collar here. We're not all computer whizzes. Some of us grew up differently and may have a different way about doin things. It doesn't excuse my directiveness but I spose that's how I am and what the hell am I gonna do about it? Not every dang post of mine was that bad. Or so I thought. But what are ya gonna do, cry about it? Na, I'll do what I do and hopefully I won't kill nobody, bit just don't hold me to that - we ain't all perfect.

August 17, 2001
11:45 pm
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damaged
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Cracker From my experiences of posting there are many welling to cry about things. I had a friend post on my computer with my user name and I got my [email protected]@ riped up. I didn't come back for along time and when I finally did I kept my same user name, because I don't care what anyone thinks about me. I didn't do anything wrong and I am becoming a stronger person everyday. The ones in here that fu$king want to nick pick are the ones that need to get a life.

Yes Cracker I think the things you had to say have not been all that bad and we all have different storys. However, just keep in mind there are many of low self esteems in here and it is easy to hurt people. I hope you get what you are looking for here and I for one hope you come back.

Damaged

August 18, 2001
3:21 am
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hunt
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TO CUTTER101,
THANKS....DON'T YOU WORRY, I'LL HANG BY.
TEZ, CAN'T BLAME YOU FOR THAT....
BUT AGAIN, I CAME TO THIS SITE HOPING TO FIND SOLUTIONS, BE IT MENTALLY OR SPIRITUALLY, TO MY PROBLEM. MY GUTS? THAT'S WHY WE HAVE ANONYMITY, RIGHT?
AND TO YOU CRACKER, THANKS FOR SOMEHOW OPENING THE MINDS OF ALL WHO ARE POSTING HERE...

August 18, 2001
3:32 pm
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Cici
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Cracker,

I suppose you take computer literacy or different writing styles to mean that the people who are posting with this information or stylr are "white collar." Although many are, we all came from different backgrounds. Many who post on this site are recovering from some severe problems and are thus sensitive to certain tones within posts, or can read too much into posts and take them as personal attacks. Many of us are recovering codependents who have a hard time letting go of control of external situations or other people because we feel we cannot control ourselves. It's just that it is precisely BECAUSE we all come from different backgrounds that we need to be able to appreciate all different methods of communicating advice. BUT, because we come from diverse backgrounds, what seems like "wake up!" to you could seem like "f*ck you!" to someone else.

And with regards to my previous post, I was referring to the complications and confusion that can ensue from miscommunication. Miscommunication can occur more easily in written rather than spoke language because we miss the important ques to mood like tone of voice, facial expression, and body language. Something that the writer intended as an innocent observation or a statement of personal belief can be misconstrued as a personal attack on the reader, depending on the mood of the reader and the mastery of syntax and grammer of the writer. So, it's easy for "flame wars" to ensue from your basic failure to communicate.

Disclaimer: nothing within is intended to attack or anger any of the posters on this thread.

August 18, 2001
5:33 pm
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kafka
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So if I read you correctly CiCi, what you're saying is that a guy like Cracker should automatically be punished because he isn't as "astute" as you or I to the confusion he may cause by what he writes? I respectfully don't buy it. I feel that if we're all so preoccupied in political correctness then the whole idea of truthfulness and honesty is lost on the forum, and in the end, we're all losers for it. It's not to say I advocate obnoxiousness or meanness, but as long as someone shows respect then there shouldn't be an issue of whther you need to be "nice" just for the sake of not stepping on anyone elses toes. Hey, this is the real world (with apologies to MTV), and sometimes the truth hurts. But in the end, I never knew anyone to conquer a mountain without a little pain. I firmly believe that as long as there is respect, then a little contructive critism hurt no one. Of course I could be wrong and everyone here wants this to be a politically correct nice warm fuzzy forum but the last time i checked, I didn't find that in the Guidelines. Maybe it is wise that we choose to read what we want, and skip over the stuff we might find "offensive". I mean, in this day and age, isn't everything "offensive" to some degree to someone? Where do we draw the line? What is deemed tolerable? Come on now, we live with enough rules in our lifetime, do we really need them so extensively hear just because you might not like someone's style?

Just a point I wanted to throw out... this censorship stuff just goads me into replying, as I'm a huge proponent of our rights to freedom of communication--with limited strings attached 9as in RESPECT for others).

M Kafka

August 18, 2001
9:09 pm
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Hunt.

In Your posting of 18th August, you said, "...TO MY PROBLEM. MY GUTS?" I think that it does take courage to chance posting something that is very personal; something to which you are very sensitive, and then to risk receiving negative hurtful comments in reply.

Even if no offense in intended by a person's response, anonymity doesn't shield us from the pain triggered by our perceptions of derision or rejection, etc.

August 18, 2001
9:16 pm
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Cici.

I think your disclaimer was overlooked and the 'fundamental attribution error' has yet again raised its precious head for the reasons so adequately described by you.

August 20, 2001
7:25 pm
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Cici
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I've written it twice already, I won't go through the trouble of writing again. But, for the record, no that's NOT NOT NOT what I meant, kafka. Nowhere in my post did I imply that punishment is an effective way of curbing behavior. In fact, most psychology literature will tell you that that is the worst way to curb behavior.

nuff said.

August 21, 2001
9:36 am
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sue2001
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CiCi I totally understand what you meant and where you were coming from... I am not White collar or any thing else that I know of... I reckon ... I work for a check and then I pay bills and wait another week so that I can pay more bills.. I am not in poverty however I am not living in 90210 either... I have not been offended or anything else in here... I am trying to survive and I think that is what alot of everyone else in here are doing ..... I think that the arguing and bickering is not helping and the baiting is not doing it either..... we all have a choice to respond to whoever we want to.... and so let it be everyone..... what is said is said...SUE

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