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This Life.....Ain't What I Signed Up For.......
October 27, 2006
6:46 pm
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truthBtold
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September 27, 2010
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I dunno how many of you believe in reincarnation - but I just have to tell you that in my heart of hearts...I actually REMEMBER signing up for this life experience!

I have been "diagnosed" with disassociation and depersonalization to the point that I have a hard time looking at earlier photos of myself and really "claiming" and "feeling - first-hand" that the little girl in these pictures IS NOT ME...but were, at different stages....another family member, friend of the family or neighbor.

I know that this might sound ridiculous to most - but to me....it was (is) my coping mechanism.

Slowly...very s l o w l y over the years - I get in a "safety zone" enough to consider the possibility that this little girl in the pics was me......all along. But, only bits and pieces at a time and over the years have I been able to come to terms with this.

Anyway - the weird thing about all of this is the fact - that while I do not own my past (as of yet) - through the years and suffer from greatlapses of "traumatic amnesia" - what I DO REMEMBER as clear as the nose on my face...is that I Chose this life before I was born!!!!

I was warned. It seems that I remember sitting around this group table with some "elders" and contemplating my next life expereince. I was warned that it would be really difficult...but I remember PERSONALLY responding that I was "up for the Challenge."

Now - ain't that some shit?

I remember MORE about my actual chioce to endure this life...MORE than the actual life events myself.

I know that I might sound really crazy....but it really is my reality - and I know deep down that I am here to provide some sort of message - be it through my poetry of upcoming screenplay.

Anyway....THAT'S MY STORY...and I'm sticking to it. I KNOW...all to well what it is like to live life on the "edge." I only hope that my sanity is strong enough at this point - to reliquish to the world - that - which I came to deliver.

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