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THIS is funny...caution...female time of month issues inside
March 13, 2007
9:06 am
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risingfromtheashes
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This is an ACTUAL letter to proctor and gamble.........

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years
and appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm)
or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or
salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your
revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart
enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't
tell
you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16
in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher?
Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't.
Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can
already feel hormonal forces
violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now,
my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to
call
"an inbred hillbilly with knife skills."
Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt
seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the
bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense
mood swings,crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize
it's a tough time for most women.

In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to
shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because
he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.

Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America
is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me
to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad,
and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
"Have a Happy Period."
Are you fucking kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really
think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible
during a menstrual period?
Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit
pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick
S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in
which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in
your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed
with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of
glory
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap
a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or
"Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong",........ or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly
miss your Flex-Wings,
I will not for one minute miss your brand of
condescending bullshit.
And that's a promise I will keep... Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons

Austin, TX

March 13, 2007
9:13 am
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dustpuff
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priceless!

March 13, 2007
9:26 am
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reachingout
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Best laugh I've had in a long time
That was great

March 13, 2007
9:30 am
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Matteo
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It is definitively not the happiest time of the months but there is a lot of exaggeration there, same with PMS, and many women internalize it and see it as pathology instead of a fact of life. I think this woman who wrote it is an example. I am not sure if she is angry that she is "suffering" from having her periods, or wants sympathy or both.

“Yank out my uterus”??? Another words castrate myself and become asexual? Not in a thousand years! I’d rather have cramps and mood swings; no one really has to fear for their life in my presence, and far from it.

March 13, 2007
9:42 am
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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I love it! I love it! Best laugh I have had all week....I have had demonical periods my whole life..Now guess what ..menapause....your not getting older , I'm just getting better???? horsefly

March 13, 2007
9:48 am
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Isis
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Rising- that was hysterical!

And Matteo... with all due respect...I was one of those woman who suffered severely from PMS and my period. So much in fact, that after a whole year of bleeding, pain, depression and mood swings, I DID, at 38 years old, have my uterus removed by my gynecologist. And it wasn't because I was angry or looking for attention; it WAS pathological, and needed to come out. There are many woman who "suffer" from dysfunctional uterine bleeding. I did, and I had my uterus removed. I don't see it as female castration or becoming asexual. Rather, I saw it as a necessity to save myself from being anemic and in pain 24/7.

March 13, 2007
9:57 am
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Isis
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One more thing...

Another reason I chose to have my uterus removed was because during the actual week of my period I was literally HOUSE-BOUND due to the heavy bleeding. So heavy that even those "Always super-deluxe maxi pads"
were of little help.

March 13, 2007
10:11 am
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risingfromtheashes
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Matteo,

I wonder why you can't/don't see the humor in this.

I REALLY don't believe this woman is SERIOUS about her homicidal intentions.

However, I do know that women that suffer from true PMS have serious issues...and may FEEL homicidal at times.

Lord knows I have had moments where my nerves are ready to snap.

I think the whole idea of the letter is that the "have a happy period" message on the back of the tabs is really not all that helpful and when someone is not having a good period, it's kind of condescending or something.

Kind of like the good little nurse at school that gave you a bandaid and patted you on the knee, said it was all better and to go back out and play...and it was NOT all better.

have a happy period? obviously not something a woman would put on the back of a tab.

And that is the only point to this letter, which is filled with humor regarding something we ALL deal with. However, PMS is a documented pathology...and some have a difficult time dealing with the cards they are dealt...sure, we all get our periods, it's a fact of life...but some are more blessed than others when it comes to coping with the symptoms...and EVERYONE'S symptoms vary.

I also have to say that my periods and subsequent cramping is sooooo bad, that I feel like my uterus IS FALLING OUT...I always comment that I think I am giving birth again or my guts are going to fall out at any moment.

Blessed are those that can ACTUALLY use a super SLIM tampon or a light days pad...for me, stick a futon mattress between my legs and hope for the best.

I have a 13 year old daughter who is ALREADY experiencing heavy bleeding and cramping. How grateful she is to be able to have a uterus and know that she is going to bleed like that for another 40-50 years of her life!!!

I don't think it makes you any LESS of a woman to have your uterus removed. And a question for you would be...what kind of breakdown will you have if you have to have yours removed for some health related reason???? Would that be just another "fact of life"? Or would you feel robbed of your sexuality?

We all view it differently.

And many try to find humor in it to deal with the frustration.

March 13, 2007
10:15 am
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Anonymous
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Oh that is too funny! I just bought always for the first time and I saw that meassage and it definetly pissed me off! LMAO

March 13, 2007
11:06 am
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Matteo
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risingfromtheashes ~ If I had a cancer and the option was to remove the uterus or die, I would deal with it, but I would definitively feel robbed of my sexuality. Heavy bleeding? Yeah, I have it and no way that would be a reason to cripple myself.

I read about the hysterectomy lately, that it is very prevalent in USA, actually it’s (or was in seventies) the second most often performed major surgery, which is actually very scary considering that it can be done only to the half of the population, and what’s most scary only less than10% of those are medically necessary. I don’t know what the situation is now. I read stories of women, who were told that the uterus is a useless organ after childbearing and that they will get hormone replacement and everything will be OK. The hormone replacement is for their partners only, so everything looks and feels like before for the men. The uterus and ovaries produce hormones past childbearing which allow women to feel sexual arousal and orgasm. Some after removal of uterus are able to achieve some kind of sexual satisfaction, some are completely deprived of it. One woman said that before the hysterectomy her sexual responses were 10 on a scale 1 – 10, after they were 2. Another woman was talking about lost feeling in her cervix, another one about seeing no difference between her elbow being stimulated or her clitoris after the hysterectomy.

Women are told that actually nothing happened to them, they are not going to have children anymore and the sexuality, or lack of it is all in their heads. It is not so. Women’ bodies are amazingly connected: the psyche, organs, hormones.

Yes, we do have different perspective on PMS, cramps and heavy bleeding. We can see it as pathology or take an aspirin, take it easier and relax during the mood swings, wear heavier pads and celebrate it as part of being a woman. I chose the latter.

March 13, 2007
12:10 pm
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bevdee
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Rising

I think it's funny

Have you ever heard these?

PMS- Putting up with Men's Shit

Please!! More Salt

Puttin on My Sweats

Pass Me the Shotgun

March 13, 2007
1:06 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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Lol

March 14, 2007
9:40 pm
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gayle
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Matteo,
Its one thing to read an article and another to actually be a woman and experience it.

March 14, 2007
10:37 pm
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Matteo
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gayle ~ I don't quite understand: Those were real stories, interviews with women who underwent hysterectomy. Are you saying that you don't believe them?

March 15, 2007
1:09 am
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southgoingzax
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okay, I'm going to side with Matteo on this one - I do get the humor, don't get me wrong, BUT:

You have to believe this: PMS is a made-up disease. That's right. Society has pathologized (a word?) a NATURAL, normal function. People have turned PMS into something that functions as an excuse as to why women can't be preseident, run big corporations, or even be expected to act as sane, rational human beings. And jokes like this foster that kind of mentality - that women are crazy, hormonally driven kooks who can't control themselves.

Here's the history, summarized:

PMS didn't exist until the 1940s. Because, as soldiers began returning from WWII, they needed their jobs back. All those women who helped build ships and put together planes and bombs, well, they had to go home. So after finally feeling like they made it, they were a part of a system that really cared about them, they were serving society in a meaningful way, they had to go back to being housewives and mothers or secretaries. As you can imagine, they didn't all go quietly. Additionally, companies could pay women less to do the same job a man did, do they weren't initially eager to get rid of their cheap labor. So, there was a propaganda campaign to *encourage* companies to fire or "let go" their women workers. Part of that campaign included the creation of PMS - women aren't as sane, aren't as rational as men because of PMS. Women will take more sick days because of PMS. Women can't be counted on to be stable because of PMS.

I'm not kidding. So, while I understand that we all have some level of "symptoms", such as cramping, bloating, cravings, etc., for the most part this is a natural process and NOT a disease. we are NOT afflicted. Our mental state isn't REALLY affected - we have just been conditioned our whole lives to believe that there is something wrong with us because of a natural cycle.

And finally, please see a gynocologist if there is a real issue such as excessive pain, bleeding, etc. There may be alternatives. I, for one, have around 4 periods a year because there are new forms of birth control where you can just continue to take a pill (or use the patch or the ring) continuously until it is convenient for you to have a period. If it is painful and awful, you don't have to suffer. And if you just don't find it convenient, like me, then you don't have to have one. There are ALL kinds of options out there - it doesn't have to really be a curse.

Sorry to rain on the parade, it IS funny, but also, if you deconstruct it a bit, a way to continue to keep women ashamed of their bodies and convinced that there is something wrong with them - a position this culture strongly encourages.

March 15, 2007
1:21 am
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ggfred4
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rising, thank you for posting the humor...

now about hysterectomy issue: My uterus actually began to fall out and it did feel like I was in labor. It was immensely painful and a partial hysterectomy performed shortly later was NOT a choice but a necessity for me.

March 15, 2007
2:43 am
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cpt1212
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Ha Ha, exageraton or not--this was funny!

March 15, 2007
3:12 am
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Thank you, Zax, for doing the deconstruction. I didn't feel up to it. It's like dumb blonde jokes... some are quite funny, but there's an underlying message that isn't funny at all.

I did, however, like the punchline of this supposed letter, which was to inform the recipient that putting "have a happy period" on the maxi pad peel-off strip is condescending bullshit. Another case of a marketing strategy that went off the rails...

March 15, 2007
10:37 am
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risingfromtheashes
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zax, you mention that mental state of mind is NOT affected by your period.

And I would argue that it is.

Your brain chemicals are VERY MUCH affected by hormone levels. Many women experience this during pregnancy when hormone levels change. And many women experience it during their period.

It is not some made up thing - maybe some women use it for an excuse because it's not real for them - but for the women it DOES affect, it is VERY real.

Depression and mental state of mind is affected by many many many things - diet, environment, sunshine, rain, hormones, etc.

I know that I am on an eating plan that changes my hormone levels...and my period is changed when I am on it...as well as my moods and energy levels.

Remember - endorphins are a brain chemical released during sex...which is hormonally linked. You can't say that your mental state of mind is NOT altered by your period...it will vary from person to person, but it is VERY real.

I won't debate the whole idea of making up PMS to get women out of the workforce. I don't know if it was in fact MADE UP...or if the syndrome was used as an excuse...and happened to be "discovered" or named at the same time making it a coincidence.

I think that there are MANY "excuses" for men trying to avoid being equals with women.

And as women, we are forced to work harder to overcome these things...god forbid a woman want to have a child in the middle of a very busy work season. She faces losing her position she worked hard for.

I believe that PMS can/is used as a good excuse to get out of working. I think it's another syndrome that may be "abused" (like attention deficit in children). But I do believe it's real.

And on a side note...I have a very high tolerance to pain...and yet, my period often brings me to my knees. I STILL go to work. I STILL function. But it is THAT much harder.

Now, you mention the patch, the pill, and the ring...to reduce periods.

Well, I have had allergic reactions (some life threatening) to the patch, and six other birth control options. On depo provera and yasmin, I bled NONSTOP all month long for SIX MONTHS. I had chafing in my private regions from having to wear a pad 24/7 for 7 months. I never had a heavy period...but I bled enough to spot my underpants on a daily basis.

I am sorry, but not all options are available to everyone. And I still don't believe that putting all those chemicals in your body is entirely safe either...consider the class action suit going on against the patch that caused blood clots and death. I know that the ONLY birth control I CAN take (after trying EVERY one on the market) makes me gain weight...and while it reduces my period flow, it makes me more irritable.

So, this could turn into a debate - quite like talking about how real attention deficit is....but the bottom line is - I believe it's real, and yet, I also believe it's overused and is used to "keep women down". Where there is an excuse to be used, it will be used and abused. But it does not discount how real it is or not.

March 15, 2007
1:52 pm
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southgoingzax
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Hi rising,

I am not saying that the symptoms are not real - I also would not debate that state of mind is influenced by hormone levels - sure, it is. But does that make all menstruating women psycho? No way, as you said, you go to work ANYWAY. You do all the things any other non-menstruating person does, because you are not, in fact, irrational or borderline homicidal, just because you are having your period. But, because we have this "syndrome", it can be easier to give up control over our bodies/words and actions to it - does that make sense? Because it's accepted that we do so, and I would argue, expected of us to do so.

Now, regarding your own personal medical issues, obviously all birth control does not work for all women. And you bring up a good point about health and the safety of taking birth control for an extended period of time. I would argue that genetically, women were never meant to have a period every month. If we look at human evolution, following the onset of puberty, most women were pregnant or nursing for the entire rest of their lives - they were NOT having a period every month. So, talk about hormones raging - imagine being pregnant or nursing for the rest of your entire life - it is the menstrual period that was the rare event. So, I guess I'd have to argue about which is really more similar to what women are supposed to experience - birth control pills that "simulate" pregnancy, or having a period every month.

You've mentioned before you thought you might be celiac - I would guess that your health issues in all regards might be tied to that - everything is symbiotic within our bodies, so ignoring a problem likely is causing more. I'm just guessing, of course, and I am not a professional, but it might be something to consider in regards to your problems with your period.

March 15, 2007
2:23 pm
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tiedupinknots
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My highest belief is that all pain and suffering arise soley from the Ego. The origin of emotional sickness lies in people's belief that they are their personalities. That said when I am not grooving on the spirituality band width I notice my PMS is helped immensely by my prozac. lol

March 15, 2007
2:59 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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zax,

my ongoing health issues are more related to my diet, but I am not celiac.

Two years ago, my colon was infiltrated, and chunks removed, tested and found to be clean of all possible problems.

And when I was done "taking it up the a$$" that way, they socked me with a bill that was not covered by insurance (a fact they forgot to mention), making me feel like I got the shaft twice. And this testing was something I didn't think I needed to begin with.

I do have irritable bowel, which seems to be helped by my diet and anti-anxiety meds, and also by taking a powdered magnesium supplement.

I think that in the end - pms symptoms are real...and they CAN be debilitating. And like anything, it can be abused as an excuse, by men and women alike.

I am SURE that if they never came up with PMS, the men would find "something else" to hold against women and make them "less worthy" in the workplace or in life. It will always be something. Having a period separates men from women in a fundamental way and therefore gives men a reason to say we are different and therefore "less".

Now mind you that most men I know would CRUMBLE at the period experience...most act like they are dying when they get a cold...let alone full blown cramps and bleeding.

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